So this is a response to the 30 questions topic. Someone posted that the question were dumb because they would pretty much never happen and then posted 30 more questions hoping they would be better, but they were just as improbable up to "if magic existed..."
So, here are some questions that are not only probable situations, but common problems. A lot of people may have already been in these situations and can say not only what they did, but what they wish they had done. If you haven't been in this situation it might come in handy one day to have already thought about it. Here they are:
1. You pick up your son from school and are shocked to see he has a black eye. You ask him what happened but he dejectedly lies, "Nothing." You also notice the bracelet he normally wears is missing, and suddenly the fact that the bracelet was rainbow hits you. What do you do?
2. You've been studying in the union--a pretty safe place--and run to the bathroom real quick. You come back to find while you were gone someone had gotten onto your laptop before it had a chance to idle and activate the password protection and used your email to send the following message to everyone in your inbox (your mom, your girl/boyfriend, your boss, all your professors, everyone): "Go die in a shit-hole." What now?
3. You've been dating this person who you really like and tonight you met their best friend and the three of you hung out for a few hours. The evening is winding down and you'll all probably head out before too long, but then Best Friend responds to something you said with an incredibly rude comment. Your significant other doesn't really react and you wonder if they even realize how offended you are. What do you do?
3.2. Now assume you snapped at Best Friend and told them off, but the next day you realize Best Friend was only responding conversationally and probably hadn't even thought about what he was saying, and really hadn't meant anything by it. Okay, what now?
4. You're in a field playing some sport with a bunch of friends and friends of friends, and for once you're kicking butt! A couple people totally cheer you on, you're doing so well and you're feeling pretty good right about now. Suddenly, outta nowhere you get hurt/fouled and you look at the player who did it. It's someone you don't really know, but not only are they on your team, they sneer when you meet their gaze. What do you do?
5. You're driving somewhere you've been to a million times and are in no hurry, just chilling. Suddenly some giant SUV cuts you off, blaring the horn and speeds away. How does this affect you?
5.2. You get a call from your teenage kid. They just got in a car wreck. They are okay, but they're crying and confused, there's police asking a bunch of questions and they really want you to come pick them up. You jump in the mom-mobile and rush out. You pull onto the main road where there's this guy just putting along without a care in the world. You lean on the horn in half-panic and hit the gas to pass them. What do you think of this slow driver?
5.3 After thinking about both 5 and 5.2, how do you think you'll react to the next time you're either in a rush or the one being cut off?
6. You're part of a big social club and you guys need cash for club things. People have been talking fund raiser for a while, but no one ever gets down and does one, mostly because no one can agree on the best way to do it. Then you have a brilliant idea which you're convinced will work and work well! Also, you have the time to actually do it. But you're not a club officer, and for every person who thinks your idea is brilliant, there's one who thinks you're an idiot. Thing is, you need at least some people to help you. What should you do?
7. You're tired of people asking you stupid questions but they just won't shut up. It's like talking to a social psychologist or something! What kind of pie do you offer them no make them leave you alone?
;P
It's interesting what you think "common problems" are and the assumptions you make as to the solutions. I'll answer (1) such that a perspective into the vastly differing make-up of social and psychological profiles can be seen, then explain. 1) Castigate him for not leaving the other kid worse off, demand to know why he didn't see it through to the end, then ask him why he's confident enough in himself to wear a bracelet that provokes an ass-kicking but not confident enough to have his dad know who he is. But it wouldn't happen unless someone else had been raising my kid. I grew up in rural New Mexico in a peculiar little town with some history to it.. Said town is surrounded by abject poverty and violence. There's an element of Apartheid South Africa to it; everyone in town is white and has a Ph.D (two kids I went to high school with had parents with Nobel prizes) and everyone who cleans the bathrooms and restocks the grocery store shelves is brown and couldn't afford college (presuming they finished high school). The Espanola valley is one of the very few places in the United States that a white kid can experience prejudice; the consolation is that the Hispanics and the Indians hate each other more than they hate you. My grandparents lived in the Espanola valley from 1948 until their deaths last year. My father attended elementary school in the Valley until the tide of rising violence forced his parents to drive him the 30 miles to school every day (one of them worked as a phone operator for Los Alamos National Labs; the other was a union plumber who did some of the work on the nuke shots in Nevada). The experience was formative on him and, as a result, formative on me. I was watching an ABC Afterschool Special in 1st grade. My father, who had a habit of coming home for lunch at 1pm so he could drink 4 beers and sleep until 3 so he could go back to work until 7 or 8 and thus avoid my mother, observed Hammerman utter those famous words, "I'll see you after school." My father observed this with some interest, then said: If anyone ever says "i'll see you after school" to you, you say "no, you'll see me NOW" and you swing for his nose as hard as you can. And you don't worry about the pain when he hits you back, you keep hitting that kid until he's on the ground, and you don't stop until a teacher pulls you off. And you don't worry about getting sent to the office or anything like that, you make sure everybody knows that picking on you is too expensive to bother with because you want everyone around you trained before they start carrying knives. It was an interesting lesson, particularly in the context of pre-adolescent socialization. The typical "avoid trouble/learn to get along/trust in adults" mantra was completely absent, instead replaced with "and they shall know us by our trail of dead/if you're going to play, play for keeps". Further, it emphasized that if you are comfortable with violence and ready to accept the consequences (which, when you're seven, are virtually nil), you will automatically defeat those who are not. More than that, my mother taught at every alternative medicine school in Northern New Mexico. We were constantly surrounded by LGBT. I went to a lesbian wedding at nine. Being gay just wasn't a thing. I'd be far more worried about the empty sloganeering of a rainbow bracelet than I would by my son's sexuality; one wears colors because one has pride and any kid who will don the uniform but not come clean to his parents is a kid who has bigger secrets than his sexuality. I'd be far more concerned to see my daughter checking out The Fountainhead than I would seeing her check out other girls. So... right from the bat, your theoretical questions are simply alien to my experience. The rest of them, quickly: 2) I don't leave my laptop anywhere. 3) I'm not dating their friend and I'm not going to let them ruin my evening. 4) See (1). 5) I'll bet it slows me down. 6) Become an officer. 7) Why should I give them pie when I can simply walk away? * * * The problem with hypotheticals is they are never complete, and everyone who answers them fills in the missing pieces from their experience. A lot of yours touch on experiences I've been through, so they aren't thought-provoking, they're memory-provoking. In many cases they're null - between my sister and I high school involved about nine wrecks, three of which we were driving in, one of which involved ambulances, hospitalization and a six figure insurance settlement, and nobody did any crying. It can be a fun exercise, but in order for it to be open-ended enough to be applicable to a large enough cross-section it has to be vague and if it isn't vague, it's going to be irrelevant to a lot of people.
I assume by this statement that your father was probably in a few scraps. Admittedly immature, but I enjoy getting in a fight from time to time. I've had the shit beat out of me by way bigger dudes a couple time (being 5'8", 170lbs, its not very difficult to run across someone more imposing than I), but I've always found that in the moment you don't feel each punch. You're too focused on the task at hand; pain is not something to fear, and fear will only make you a terrible fighter. What hurts is the next day when your face is swollen and bruised, and you can't so much as blow your nose without wincing.And you don't worry about the pain when he hits you back
My father had a harder time of it. He was born an RH mismatch with his mother in deep rural NM and as a consequence had his growth permanently stunted. He barely made it to 5'7. I, on the other hand, am the product of recessive genetics and am the tallest person on either side of the family for at least three generations. So while he had to be a tough and eager scrapper in order to keep his nose clean, I generally didn't have to worry about anyone who wasn't at least a grade ahead. Which made adolescence somewhat delicious. There's nothing quite like having a former bully stare up at you from chest level.
I get that the questions don't pertain to you, but instead of saying that it wouldn't happen to you, why don't you entertain the thought that maybe it does? I mean it's like you took the fun out of the whole what if? factor. Being vague wouldn't be that thought provoking if you asked me.
I didn't say it wouldn't happen to me. I said it had happened to me and that the solution wasn't novel. Take the "your laptop has been compromised" thing - every time someone with a Yahoo account gets phished you stare down this very problem. "I'm writing this with tears in my eyes" is far more of a problem than "Disregard that I suck cocks" and I know five people who have been hit with that in the past year. It isn't thought-provoking, it's dreary routine. More than that, the reality of the dreary routine is far more interesting and far more variable than the hypothetical.
So these situations are normal routine for you? That must suck. While I understand that the questions might not pertain to you, it doesn't mean you should say they aren't thought provoking to others. Although that really does suck that these situations are normal for you. Ouch.
What I said was: A. " a perspective into the vastly differing make-up of social and psychological profiles can be seen." B. " in order for it to be open-ended enough to be applicable to a large enough cross-section it has to be vague and if it isn't vague, it's going to be irrelevant to a lot of people." C. " the reality of the dreary routine is far more interesting and far more variable than the hypothetical." So yeah. I find real situations to be more interesting than fabricated ones, primarily because when you fabricate a problem you can never fabricate all the facets that actually make the problem a real problem. And contrary to what you may think, I don't think it sucks that these situations are normal at all. I think it sucks far worse to be completely flummoxed by everyday occurrences that can be handled easily if one thinks about it a little. The problem I dealt with yesterday - and solved to my satisfaction - trumps the crap out of all of the above, in my opinion... not the least of which is the solution matters.
A. I understand that. I find that interesting. B. Not necessarily. Sure, it isn't going to be relevant for some people, but that doesn't mean that there will be a large number of people in that category. Also why would it matter whether or not it's applicable to a large group? It's not like they are doing a study or anything. C. Alright so that's your opinion. Mine is just the opposite. Sure you may not be able think of every facet that makes it a problem, but it's still fun to read what others would do in those situations and to write what you would do. I haven't seen anyone in this thread, nor know of anyone that would be flummoxed by everyday occurrences. Congrats on your problem being solved?
Question # 1
I would say to my son
"Barry, are you dating black guys?" I would name my gay son Barry.of course he would say "Barry" "yeah dad" "can you promise me something?" Question #3
most likely nothing I tend to be passive in social situations I rarely understand social norms so I don't give my interpretation of events too much weight.
3.2 See that is exactly why I take this tack on things. Wait it out. Question #4
Laugh, I usually do when people take things seriously.
nothing funnier than a dude trying to be an alpha. Question #5
My prejudices would escape unscathed.
5.2
I would hope my sense of irony would be invoked.
5.3
this is actually one of the things I would muse on when I drove for a living. Question #6
to be honest I would not bother. It is sometimes sad to know who you are. Question #7.
Sweet Potato and Pecan.
to which I would reply
"why are you racist? I'll be damned if I've raised a racist" "no dad why are you such an asshole?"
[40 minutes of awkward silence] "no dad I am not a racist"
"good I guess everything is okay then"
Question #2
On this one nothing.
just wait to see who replies. "sure whatever"
"10 years from now when those kids that hit you come out.
can you promise me not to date them"
I'm procrastinating, so I'll take a shot at these. 1. First step is to sit your son down, tell him you're on his side regardless, and let him know he can talk to you about bullying, sexuality, or anything in between just as soon as he feels ready. Second step is to let the school's administration know that your child came home with a black eye -- they might have information for you (assuming you've got a good principal). I'm a big fan of relatively hands-off parenting (from experience as a son, not father), so I wouldn't take things any farther at that point. (Openly bringing up either issue, calling a p/t conference, etc. Those are for later.) 2. Easiest one on the list. Send an immediate /allmsg with an apology and an explanation, and forget about it. It's college. Shit happens. 3. Play it off, bring it up when you're alone with your SO. Explain why you thought it was rude, ask why she thought it wasn't/ignored it, ask if that's going to raise an issue. You don't have to enjoy the company of your SO's friends -- it just makes things easier. (Keep in mind that it can't be huge fun to "third wheel" for several hours, and that presumably this person's behavior has been normal up to the comment. Don't overreact.) 3.2 N/A Never snap at someone unless you know they're intentionally trying to hurt you. There's almost always a contingent circumstance of some sort, and there's really no point in making it impossible to patch things up by overreacting. There's always time to get mad later. 4. Confused. Not too many sports where someone on your own team can foul you. If they hurt you intentionally, two scenarios exist: a) other people noticed, and you can use court of public opinion to shame this person to tears, or b) no one noticed (unlikely, it seems to me). If the latter, make a scene. If it comes to it, stop playing. There's no way in hell I would keep playing a sport with someone who hurt me on purpose -- I've got real friends to hang out with instead. Additionally, that makes him the person who ruined his own team's chances by attacking their star player and making him leave. 5. I always laugh when that happens now. In my younger, dumber days I would sometimes intentionally instigate a car chase, because the recipients tend to panic and do extremely idiotic things. This is obviously a bad idea and only possible in certain situations. 5.2 Depends. If there are two lanes going one way, the right lane in my opinion can pretty much go however slow they please (American). Left is different. People who sit in the left lane going extremely slowly as car after car passes them just confuse me. If it's a single-lane situation and you have to get by, just honk, flash your hazards and gesture for them to pull into the shoulder. Wave apologetically as you speed by, and think nothing more of it. 6. Compromise! Add parts of their plans to your plan, mix ideas, schmooze, make them feel like they had your idea, etc. Talk to everyone privately. Politics.
Fun reading your thoughts. Also, rolled reading the "Um." XD But where is my pie!? Oh nvm. I like your reactions, and am particularly impressed by 3.2. I admittedly have a very short fuse (I have my reasons, but there's not really an excuse for it ever), so hearing you're more of a zen master is interesting to me. You really never just... overreact to someshit? cuz you're cranky or otherwise?
Not really. I was taught/extrapolated at an extremely early age that showing emotion equated to weakness (just how I grew up -- this is not a generalization or by any means always true). It ties back to: ...but I don't really feel like going into that right now. So if I ever did have a short fuse, which I'm sure I did as a child, I learned to ruthlessly internalize it. I happen to be staring at something hanging on my wall that illustrates this in an entertaining way; this past Christmas my coworkers and I did a "Secret Santa"^ gift exchange and the gift I received was a Grinch shirt with "the many faces of the Grinch" -- happy, sad, angry, etc. on it. My Secret Santa had printed a picture of my expressionless face out and pasted it over the Grinch's. So now the face, mine, is the same for every emotive descriptor. It was a great gift. ^we had to call it "Elusive Elf" for political correctness I swear to god I'm not making that up EDIT: chess pie.I'm a big fan of relatively hands-off parenting (from experience as a son, not father)
I'm thinking this topic is dead, but I find this interesting. My initial reaction was that this was a really sad thing to hear, but then remembering my own family, I realize it's according to the person. I guess I was just wondering your take on that? Also, I suck at chess. Maybe it's tasty and I just never knew! =DI was taught/extrapolated at an extremely early age that showing emotion equated to weakness
Oh, I just commented on your food post. Some interesting stuff, though you may actually be overestimating my food budget/available prep time. I'm not sure if what I said was sad. I've only recently begun obliquely self-analyzing to the extent where I might decide how it's affected me (if it has). I usually take an extremely practical view of the world, and am of the opinion that my childhood doesn't really matter in comparison with where I am now. I honestly tend to look down on people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, who lose control, who can't make a rational point without allowing emotion in. I am glad that I am not like that. I don't really understand why anyone who is like that would continue to choose to be like that. I mean no offense in case you are one of those people -- this is something about me that kicked off when I was so young I really can't help it, although I wouldn't change it if I could. It boils down to: I'm a rationalist. I'm glad I'm a rationalist. I have often found, when talking to friends, family, coworkers, that their emotions interfere with their ability to reason. I can't be sure that I wouldn't have that mindset if I had grown up in a family with a different dynamic, so I am content with my childhood. Don't think about it much; it was a stepping stone. Since I can't imagine being any other way, I guess I can't answer your question.
Yeah see that's what I thought. It at first sounded really sad, but then I thought "well not necessarily." And the latter is what you talked about. Yes, I am the kind of person who wears their heart on their sleeve, but I took no offense, because I know what you mean by liking who you are and never wanting to change. I changed to no sleeve-wearing, and immediately sought to change back because it's just not how I like to live. But, don't assume everyone who wears their hearts on their sleeves in over-emotional, over-reacts, and is uber defensive. It does help with reading other people a whole lot too. Also, yo, those super-cool vitamins with sugar and fiber are usually like $1.30 a pill. That's more than the ramen meal I put up. And it literally takes the same time as mac and cheese because they both force you to wait for water to boil.
Okay, I'm 18, so know that my answers are from a limited experience. 1. Here's how I'd imagine the conversation would go:
"Whoa, what happened to your eye?"
"Nothing."
"Huh, well are you all right?"
"Yeah. Peachy."
"Hey, I noticed that bracelet you wear is missing. What happened to it?"
"Hm? Oh, I must've lost it or something. It was a stupid thing anyway."
"Oh. Pity. I've always liked it." The idea would be to not force him to tell me anything. He'll tell me when he's ready. And at the same time I'd try to hint that I'm okay with his sexuality (that's what was implied, right?) without explicitly stating that I know because he might not be ready for me to know. 2. Reply with the email: "Sorry, someone thought it would be funny to send that last message to all of my contacts. It wasn't." 3. One of two things: 1) Blow it off, pretend it didn't happen, or 2) overexaggerate how offended I am so it passes off as a joke. Is that passive aggressive? Crap. 3.2. Apologize. Maybe make up some dumb excuse, like that I was having a shitty day or something. 4. Get up. Keep playing. Continue to kick ass. 5. If they're driving faster than me, I wouldn't care. 5.2. I hate slow drivers. And that's an understatement. 6. What would I actually do? Nothing.
What do I think I should do? Gather the people who like it and have a go at it. Organize the thing without the endorsement of the club, then donate the proceeds. 7. Nope. No pie for them. Yay procrastination!
But my piiiiee!! D= Just uh, my two cents: Fuckin' brilliant. I love the hands-off support and respect you give your kid! Obvious love there. I think I'd rather do what you said than anything I'd thought up to say to him."Oh. Pity. I've always liked it."
The idea would be to not force him to tell me anything. He'll tell me when he's ready. And at the same time I'd try to hint that I'm okay with his sexuality (that's what was implied, right?) without explicitly stating that I know because he might not be ready for me to know.