Kid wanted to catch up on Dragon Prince. So after a 3-year embargo I started giving Netflix money again. Which gave me the glistening opportunity to watch intervention again.
I have not done that since having a come-to-jesus with myself about the fact that the life I live is the result of countless challenging but correct choices.
It occurred to me that, as the child of two mentally-ill alcoholics with an ACE score of 6, I was absolutely lined up to appear on that show, had it existed.
And then it occurred to me that, as the child of two mentally-ill acoholics with an ACE score of 6, there would have been no one who would have given enough of a fuck to call A&E.
Now if you'll excuse me I have to drive my Porsche over to my broker to move a few hundred thousand dollars around.
trying mood stabilizers instead of antidepressants. i'm on the baby dose so far. turns out the antidepressants were causing a host of sexual and gastrointestinal dysfunctions that i only found out about after stopping them. i only switched because those mfers were Not Working
worthless
Without getting into the technical details of the work I do, I have a certain amount of expertise in sex hormones, at least as they relate to the brain. One curious aspect of SSRIs that is not paid nearly enough attention to is that one of the ways in which they work is to increase a certain hormone called allopregnaolone, whose primary function in the brain is to make receptors for the neurotransmitter GABA much more sensitive. Curiously, Prozac, e.g., causes this change at about 10x lower of a dose than what the typical starting clinical dose is. However, the typical response to drugs not working is to increase dosage. My opinion is that people are generally already far overdosed and that docs should start way lower than they normally do. I, obviously, have no idea what your history is and I wouldn’t in a million years pretend to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. However, what I will say, and what I say to anyone on your shoes, is that if you ever choose to do SSRIs again, start small and give it time. Your doctor will push back. Don’t let them. Happy to share more if you’re interested and also happy to butt out.
Is it just me or does it feel like Substack is the only place left where there's any original, consistently good writing? Blogs feel dead, social media (especially Twitter) fails to deliver...
Spent a few rainy days in Antwerp with friends. On Saturday we went "huh why are all the stores closed?" only to realize its Armistice Day, which is Not A Thing in the Netherlands because we remained neutral, so I had no idea.
Next Wednesday is Election Day. A few months ago I was hopeful for a leftist renaissance, but that ship seems to have sailed as we are somehow gonna slide even more to the right after 4 cabinets of right-wing neoliberals. I haaattee itttt.
I feel like everyone has some kind of covid/flu thing, there's something going 'round and I was almost sure I got it yesterday but it seems to already fade away today.
1) Online advertising is horrifically ineffective.
2) Online advertising is the primary method of remuneration for the lion's share of the internet.
3) Online advertising has, nonetheless, annihilated traditional advertising and thus, driven traditional advertisers online.
4) Traditional advertisers are unlike online advertisers in that they demand metrics to refine their advertising. As a result, the futility of online advertising grows increasingly obvious, driving down the prices of online advertising and driving down the remuneration for the lion's share of the internet.
5) Substack is first-past-the-post to say "give some away for free, sell some more, we take a cut"
6) Substack becomes the de-facto home for quality content.
Ryan Holiday, back when he had a point to make, made the point that "journalism" as we know it came about when the New York Times started selling subscriptions to their paper, thereby reducing the pressure to rely on sensationalism. Within a couple years the yellow sheets were entirely done and America had a Fourth Estate. The British never really figured out "subscriptions" which is why their journalism remains tit-driven.
The joys of enjoying my job and leaving a shitty environment are still being realised. This weekend just past I did so much yardwork. Hedges trimmed, weeds whacked, lawns mowed, veggies maintained. Then my partner and I went out on a wee date to an art exhibition at Tūhura, our local museum. My partner is a big fan of this artist's work. I didn't know much about them but said artist's Instagram handle is 'Flesh_Dozer' so.. I was curious at the very least.
Anyway it was good fun, and even on Sunday night after the yardwork and the date and the socialising, I found myself still with energy to burn. I don't recall ever feeling this full of life. I hope it continues for a while yet.
Been a strange year but a good year.
I joined a homebrew club and have leaned into the social side of that hobby. I've been playing ping pong again. I've made a much bigger effort to be social in general over the last year because I realized I was damn near reclusive during and after covid. Looking back I have always tended to be less social, but in 2021 i had some bad anxiety and froze up.
Been trying to get back into jogging after a long break to recover from a stress fracture caused by some uneven gait issues, extended by not wanting to do anything (see above). Also doing some beginner yoga. So I'm learning that I don't know how to breath from 2 directions. I'm not about to join a choir and find out from a third direction.
My capacity for doing things or "getting things done" seems to vary wildly, and I'm still learning to notice when and why. Compared to 6 months or a year or 2 years I'm a genius. Compared to pre-covid / pre-anxiety -- not sure. The "hindsight is 50:50" saying seems fitting.