My girlfriend (33) of almost a year and half tells me I'm the only one she ever got attracted to. She was in a couple serious relationships before and got divorced a year ago. I recently read some posts she posted on a forum and found some conflicting stuff. posts Like "now that I'm single, I'm more physically attracted to younger men but mentally attracted to older" .... "one of my Ex's friend on FB posts messages that are flirty. I haven't ignored him because he is hot and nothing will ever happen anyway".
I don't think she is cheating on me but not sure why she has to tell me things different than what she is posting online to the general public.
any thoughts?
hang on hang on cgod buddy: When GuruOfPeace says he "confessed to her" that he "read her forum messages" - did he say "YOU BITCH, what's with your forum posts!" or did he say, "I noticed you referred to yourself as "single" on the X forum. I was wondering if you meant you were single or if you were playing around with various alternate personnae? What's up?" or did he say, "How do you see our relationship?" or did he say, "I know when we got together 1.5 years ago, you were still married to your ex. I understand that after a divorce, people need to know they're still attractive and sometimes need quite a bit of attention before they feel okay about themselves. I'm wondering how you feel about me now that it's been almost two years. Let's talk about how we feel about each other and what we hope will happen in the future." Nobody likes being judged. There are ways to say - hey what's up, with a genuine desire to know and there are ways to say, wtf, with a genuine desire to judge and accuse. awww -- maybe you're right, dump her.
That's never what happens when someone enters the uncertainty zone in a relationship. I don't have it in me to go deep enough right now, so here's the shortened version: People need people. Not "love to have" - need, 'cause we're social creatures like that. When you find someone who fulfills that need in a way you see fit - whether it's "stay one night every week" or "live with me" or anything else - it's very difficult to let go of such a person. There's a reason love is mystified into something much bigger than it is in many cultures. Some people need love more than others - possibly because they haven't been given enough as children - so they're willing to tolerate (not "thrive on") uncertainty if it means that there is hope for the other person to stay and love them. So, your saying "Dump her" just says "Leave the person you think you want to be with". Pragmatically, good advice, very straightforward, but it does nothing to address the underlying cause of such tension.Some people thrive on tension, uncertainty and drama.
Some would argue that if your love for someone is inherently tied up in the fulfilment you derive from that person, then it is not really love at all. That need and love for someone cannot coexist.People need people. Not "love to have" - need, 'cause we're social creatures like that. When you find someone who fulfills that need in a way you see fit - whether it's "stay one night every week" or "live with me" or anything else - it's very difficult to let go of such a person.
I'm glad that I'm not here to teach people about the absurd distortions of the quest for happiness that some peoples relationships become, because I'd have a hefty bit of writing to do right now. Suffice to say that "never" is a poor word choice or you need to have a few more terrible relationships.
Also, I'm just worried that if I am in right or wrong hands. she and one of her guy friends (she told me he is like a big brother to her) exchange sexts .... like he said "I wanna FU some biches" and she replies "get creative .. come on my tts" ... This was the first time I snooped on her less than a year ago and confronted her ... she said it's a joke that I don't understand.... really? friends talk like that? particularly someone like a brother she told me.....
Dude. Go away from her. She's not good for you. But also - get to trust people you care about, or don't care about them. You can't live with someone who you know might - or, god forbid, is - cheating on you. It's no good being with someone whom you can't be comfortable with.
Also, I'm just worried that if I am in right or wrong hands. she and one of her guy friends (she told me he is like a big brother to her) exchange sexts .... like he said "I wanna FU some biches" and she replies "get creative .. come on my tts" ... This was the first time I snooped on her less than a year ago and confronted her ... she said it's a joke that I don't understand.... really? friends talk like that? particularly someone like a brother she told me.....
she was out of station when I found out the messages and I called and asked her if she feels single or committed to me? and she finds other people attractive? ... then she was like "why now you ask all this" .... I said I read her forum messages which she publicly posted online. then her response was "fuck you" ... Later on she accused me many times of invading her privacy but never acknowledged those things she said. Because I snooped, I have no advantage in the conversation other than getting accused. :-( Well, in the same forums she said to others that she was very very very sad that her husband was moving out. But she told me that she was very very very happy he was moving out.
my new thread on the similar topic <a href="https://hubski.com//pub/345560">Discuss this on Hubski.</a>
Have you spoken to her about it? It could just be a question of semantics, i.e. what she means by "attracted." Or maybe there's something you said or did that made her (even if incorrectly) think you would feel insecure about her being attracted to other people or something. People are weird, and to my experience it's best not to jump to conclusions until you know just what kind of weirdness you're dealing with.
I confessed to her that I read her forum messages on her Ipad and she just accused me of invading her privacy and her response was "Fu you"
If that's all of the response and there was no desire to figure things out from her end - follow cgod's advice. As hard as it may hit at first, you'll get used to being without the pressure first and then with the softness of the soul loving you truly later.