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comment by kleinbl00
kleinbl00  ·  275 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: September 20, 2017

    Welp. I'm in the hospital for a week or so. My transplanted kidney is experiencing some antibody mediated rejection. It's got some permanent damage, but with treatment and increased immune suppression, I should get a few more years of use out of it. Grateful for everyday since 2009. Grateful for my donor, and his family. Grateful for good healthcare. Grateful for my kiddos. Grateful for all the people who have supported me since my kidneys failed in 2007.

That's a buddy of mine, couple weeks ago. I've known him since I was three. He's center left. I'm center right. This was my seventh birthday.

He was my main rival through elementary school; the other smart kid. We were the twin towers of nerd-dom. Only he got distracted by other stuff and basically flaked out on school; I think he literally got perfect SAT scores but his academics blew. He now thinks it was the paint chips he ate as a baby because apparently he's got other hallmarks of lead exposure. Me? I started hanging out with the overpass kids and noped the fuck out of academics pretty hard so by the time anyone gave a fuck about achievement we were both too cynical to care.

    The out of pocket cost for these treatments will be approximately $5000. Worth it, but extremely difficult to cover, especially given the amount of unpaid leave from work he has had to take (2 weeks so far, plus at least another 10 days in the next two months for chemo). He's a good, hard-working man who hasn't been able to catch a break when it comes to his health.

We have lunch when I can find time; it's always striking to me because I show up wearing WTFever and he shows up in coveralls with his name on them. perfect SAT score. My life was no bed of roses but fuckin'A.

He's gonna die.

He's three months to the day younger than I am and he's gonna die. He's got two kids; one just graduated high school, I think, and the other is three or four years out. His wife got him all the way through recovery and then decided that she didn't want to be anyone's wife anymore. And his commute is miserable and he's gotta deal with shit like dialysis AGAIN.

I've done well in Ethereum. It's play money, too. And my instinct is to frickin' pay off his gofundme. I mean, there's a girl on the roster there a thousand miles away whose existence I'd forgotten until yesterday and she put $250 towards this guy she prolly hasn't seen in more than 20 years. I've had lunch with him like twice this year and I haven't been here for half of it. Maybe that'll buy him another couple years. But then I put my name on it and it hangs over both of us. Maybe I don't put my name on it and then it hangs over me. I don't know.

His parents are government employees with rippin' pensions but he doesn't talk to them anymore of course and besides, he's a grown-ass man. A grown-ass man whose sister is begging on the Internet to pay his medical expenses because we live in the most advanced Western democracy in the world with the best healthcare in the world and the best doctors in the world and we're crowdfunding someone's renal failure.

I make reality television for a living and my daughter's inhaler costs me $5. Her epipen costs me $5. Her ER visits? A whopping $70 ZOMG. I get hot towels when I fly and he finishes out the day with Gojo and growing up, his was the house the nicest one I'd been in and his mom was on the city council and their cars were always new and I hunted mice so I could sleep and here we are and I don't understand how we've created a society where a million little choices by a million little kids lead us to this place where I keep my bike tools in a Harry Winston bag and he's begging the Internet for another couple years on this earth, please.

So I'm home, and I slept in my own bed, and I started a class in taking apart watches and I've got a feature and a short to mix and what really fucks me up - and has been fucking me up - is my buddy.

I sent him a text saying we were setting up a standing lunch date, my treat, he picks the day of the week and the place. I haven't heard back.


nowaypablo  ·  275 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Curious if anyone would bite on a discussion of whether or not giving a lifelong friend a few more years to live in exchange for the money you've earned, taking into account having your own family to put the money toward too, is something y'all would do. I would say I would, but I have earned neither real money nor children.

I have an overhanging shadow of guilt that my monthly stipend comes from your tax dollars, so I'd like to donate to this guy's fund if you think that's appropriate, I think others here would want to as well.

francopoli  ·  275 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Curious if anyone would bite on a discussion of whether or not giving a lifelong friend a few more years to live in exchange for the money you've earned

Not a question for me. There are 4-5 people in this world that if they asked, I'd mortgage the house for them. The concept of "What is mine is also yours" is the best way to describe my thoughts on the matter.

A long time ago, a few people were nice to me; that kindness took me from lost and homeless to having a career and a house and a hobby that is adding value to the world. I'd do the same for my friends in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

Cumol  ·  273 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Similar to francopoli, I have some people in my life where it is a no-brainer. even though they are not always present in my life, I barely see them, and I do not always agree with their life choices, but money doesn't stand between us (as the arabs say).

thenewgreen  ·  274 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'd be glad to help too, kleinbl00.

Chups  ·  274 days ago  ·  link  ·  
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cgod  ·  274 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I have a buddy with a bad heart. They've opened him up a few times this year, he's in and out of the hospital.

Bought a suit recently, I said it was for a wedding we were going to but it was really for a wedding and a funeral.

It sucks, not much more to say about it.

rd95  ·  275 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    But then I put my name on it and it hangs over both of us. Maybe I don't put my name on it and then it hangs over me. I don't know.

Shit sucks. I'm not gonna give advice one way or another, but I will say something annecdotately that might help with perspective.

When I was having money problems every once in a blue moon my mother would send me a check in the mail, unsolicited. I never cashed them unless I was absolutely desperate and I kept track of every last dollar and when things got better I tried my best to pay her back a bit at a time. When Dala and I got married, her wedding gift to us was forgiving what was left of my debt.

There is a deep, deep burning shame in that whole scenario that I honestly can't describe. Nothing has ever made me feel like less of a person and I honestly doubt I'll ever come across anything that ever will. I'm not mad at her, because what she did out of me she did out of love and concern, much like what you're considering is motivated by the same.

I just think, maybe if you do something that big, you should throw some feelers out and see what kind response you get. After all, in the hardest of times, a man's dignity is the most important thing he has to hold on to.

oyster  ·  275 days ago  ·  link  ·  

My friends dad has cancer and I had a similar moment about a month back of just wanting to pay it off and put it to rest essentially. Even in Canada the expenses are insane, even with 80% drug coverage the expenses were thousands a month. Lucky for us the pharmacist was really upset by the entire thing and got my mom on some experimental treatment instead.

I checked up on how the gofundme was doing and it looks like they just need 25$ more, it turns out there are lots of other generous people in this world that can be relied on. The whole thing really probably says more about my need to fix everything on my own than it does anything else.

Maybe give something now and check back on how it's doing in a week or two ? I don't know, you'll figure it out.