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Cumol  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Paralyzed.

Update: after the counseling session

First of all, thanks to everyone who commented and offered advice. While sometimes I felt like people were harsh, I know that no one here means bad towards me.

The (mandatory) counseling session was very hard for both of us. The counseling is set to place to inform everyone about all the possibilities with a strong emphasis on encouraging couples/mothers to have their children. And this is also how it felt. Even thought I was allowed to state my point and why I think it will not work, the focus was on her. I understand that, I see/know where it is coming from, but it is still not easy for me...

Nevertheless, I think both of us got a lot of information. What financial support can be expected from the state (it is a lot), how much money I would have to pay (about 300-500 euros per month, depending on my salary) and what the legal options are.

The counselor was very adamant on going through all the possibilities there are to keep the child. While it was hard for me to listen (and sometimes) discuss it, I see its value.

On the other hand she also informed us about the possibilities for abortion and took away many of the doubts that Sarah had. Apparently, the internet is a mine field of false information about abortion...

I stated why I did not want a child. She also stated why she does not want the child, but "would manage" if she would keep it. We talked what positive and negative things will come out from the birth and also (which was nice) what this process did to our relationship.

Even though I thought the whole session (which took about two hours) was a little pushy, it was good in general.

I got to the point where I can only say that I have to trust Sarah with whatever choice she is going to take. Even though if it is keeping the child, I will support her and the child as much as I can, even thought it has that bitter taste that I was not taken into account.

The counselor suggested that we take the time to decide and treat ourselves good, as this is a hard time for both of us. Sarah is going on a week long holiday in Italy and I guess I am will go climbing/hiking.

I think the best for me is to assume that she wants to keep the child and deal with it. It will ease my mind the most, I guess...

Tagging everyone interested: b_b, oyster, lil, _refugee_, steve, humanodon, goobster, kleinbl00

Cumol  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Paralyzed.

I would love to hear your thoughts, lil

Cumol  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Paralyzed.

We didn't have an earlier chance to find out she is pregnant, which is why she is in the 6th week. As described, you have to go through a procedure before you get an abortion and that will take 2-3 weeks...

It is hard for me to accept that he decision is not rational. What changed? We used contraceptives, we took the pill after, all of those measures to not make a pregnancy happen. And then it did, what is different? We both still don't want children, why is she going for it?

This is what I am trying to understand

Cumol  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Paralyzed.

Thank you for the advice. It is not making things easier, knowing that a woman never forget that...

We are going to the mandatory consulting in a few hours but we had a long talk yesterday night and it was the hardest so far.

Her reasoning for having the child is purely emotional "Oh, I feel like having a baby when I see all those other babies". No rational thinking about what impact it will have on both of our lives, whatsoever. Is that normal?

Cumol  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Paralyzed.

I am trying to imagine myself doing what you just said but it is just physically not possible.

She is moving away in 3 months. Into another city that is 2 hours away by train and I am stuck in my PhD for at least another two years. There is no possibility for me to be there for the child all the time, which means that it will occupy every weekend I have if I want to be a good dad.

What I don't like about the situation is that she chooses to force me into this situation. Knowing fully and well that we had other plans.

Cumol  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Awesome DEA patches

I have no clue what a camel has to do with heroin though

The Wire...

Okay it’s not that old but it would be my favorite show no matter what question is asked

This is why I opt for services that have all their data centers in Germany when it comes to my private data.

I find some of his arguments valid. I thought about quitting alcohol for a while.

But his argument falls short for substances that might be able to help you or have positive impact on your life such as psilocybin, lsd and MDMA

Cumol  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Hubski Meetup: German Edition

If it is not too late, I am an advocate of the music/party scene in Berlin :D

A friend of mine manages Birgit and Bier. Not too far off and good music at night!

Cumol  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Hubski Meetup: German Edition

It was very weird to use our "real" names. I felt much more comfortable to call galen "galen", even though I had no idea how I would pronounce it

Cumol  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Hubski Meetup: German Edition

Shut up, your German is so good, it is scary! :D

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