Hey hubski,
my cat died today. Well, I say "died", but really we made the decision to euthanize her yesterday, and did so earlier today. As I mentioned before in passing, Cleo had some serious kidney issues, and was pretty seriously arthritic. She was 18 16.
I also said "my" cat, but really, she was my parent's cat. I always considered her more of a roommate.
Of course, like many pets, she started out not as my parent's cat, but a cat that was brought home for my sister - who wanted a cat. My mom disputes it, but I remember it pretty clearly. Cleo was quickly adopted by the "house", and my parents became the primary caretakers - like many pets brought home for children and teenagers.
for the first years that I knew Cleo, we mostly just moved around one another, like ships passing in the night. She was standoffish and vocal, I was unwilling to be an employee. I then went away to university, only seeing her on visits home. We got another cat, our dog died, and Cleo cooled down a little - but always loved exploring outside. We got along much better.
fast forward 10 years, and my parents move to a new house in a new city. I come home from my M.Mus and move into their basement, taking time off before applying to a new school. A now geriatric Cleo is moving slower than usual, but has become more vocal than ever - and she was always quite a talker. She has developed arthritis, but still goes up and down the stairs to her litterbox. She likes the cool, so she hangs out down in the basement with me a lot, both of us snoozing on our respective beds. for the first time, really, we grow close and lots of chin and head petting ensued. Those were her favourite places to be petted and scratched.
Around 8 months ago, Cleo started to have a hard time keeping down food. Different foods were tried to little success. Then we noticed she was drinking crazy amounts of water. eventually, in Late January, the cat specialist came back with a diagnosis that Cleo's kidneys were failing, and were in pretty late stages. We picked up medication, and my mom gave it to her via oral syringe every day until this morning.
This morning, at 10:30 am, my mother swaddled Cleo's now thin, frail and aching body in a towel and brought her out to my car. We dropped off the empty liquor bottles first, for the deposit, before we went to the vet. That bothered me - it felt like it inferred that the vet visit was just another errand.
at 11:00 am, my mom and I entered the euthanization room at our vet. Everyone was very nice, and we took our time to say goodbye as her doctor administered the medication - two stages.
As someone who is not a particularly emotive person (occasionally "aggressively rational"), it is a difficult feeling to mourn a cat. It brings up painful feelings of times when people in my life have died but I was too emotionally unavailable (busy hating myself) to acknowledge a grieving period. I have a lot of complicated feelings right now.
Here is Cleo. thanks for reading.
'Sp00ns
thanks flag. She was special, and I wanted to write something special.
When my parents' cat died, my father spent three days building a coffin by hand and preparing for burial. My father was not raised in an emotive household and he is from a generation where men do not show emotions. He was in the military, to boot. I could not understand his elaborate mourning process for the cat. I gave him space and respected it but could not understand it. When I expressed my feelings to my brother privately, he paused, then said, "I think...Think about it, ref. This is not about the cat, not just the cat. This is a rare moment where he is allowed to express his feelings and it's justified and I think what's happening right now is that he is expressing a lot of other feelings that haven't been able to come out. Sure, Walter is dead, but we've moved out. Dad's past 50. He's not young anymore and all the things he thought he'd be and that he wished for...When a thing dies, you can't help but think back on the past, about everything else you've ever lost. That's what this is about for Dad." Yeah it sucks to be too emotionally unavailable to mourn a loss when it occurs. But I think it is better to eventually find a space and way to mourn them, than never mourn them at all. I posted a sad link the other day called "Last Photograph of Cat." I do not know if reading it will help you, and it certainly makes me cry, but I wanted to mention it as relevant.
I'm very sorry for your loss. As soon as I return home I'll be letting my kitties know just how much they are loved.
give them scratches in their favourite places, just for me!
That sucks. I have never euthanized a pet. Came close a year or so ago when my cat (probably) had a stroke but he died in the vet's office before he got the shot. I was a mess. Received a condolence card from them a few days later which was a nice touch. Protip for your parents: Don't get rid of Cleo's stuff. I thought I was sure that I would never get another cat. I left him in his bed to be cremated and threw out all his stuff as soon as I got home. Then, of course, a few months ago I went into a pet store just to get some dog food and ended up with another one. p.s. I am lazy and never return my empties. There is some guy that comes around and takes them out of the recycling bin to do it for me.
Thanks for the vibes, sgfc. My parents have one ofther cat, so Cleo's stuff won't go to waste - I've enlisted Sampson's help to keep my mom in good spirits. My mom is also looking at getting two Newfoundland Landseers which are up for a good home. 4 years old, need to go together. Idunno if it's a good idea, but they've been threatening to get a dog for some time.
A good, sad song. I'm sorry for the loss coffeesp00ns
I do, which is good because it seems like most of my IRL friends are not around.But at least you know you've got a network of people here who care.
if a friends cat passes away IRL does it make a sound? if a fellow hubskier's cat passes away, it's like a clap of thunder in the heavens reminding us of our mortality and the importance of being present in one another's lives. It's a electronic tug at the sinews of our hearts that connect us in ways we didn't previously understand. or something like that. At any rate... It's a guy like me who isn't even fond of cats (and is allergic as hell to them) mourning next to you.