I'd talk to a friend, But I don't know if I have any.
I always feel unwanted these days, not on hubski but in general. I could be talking to someone happyily(Only if they approach me) for ages, but when the conversations ends I aleays think abou what s/he said with a doubt, I think up something like: "Wait, x only said bye to y. does x dislike me? :("
Whenever someone doesn't reply for about a day, the voices in my head immiedietly turn to "Why isn't s/he replying? s/he must hate me." Theres no way of telling whether or not my concerns are real or not, everyone I know is all too nice to tell someone they dislike them, so I can't be sure on anything.
My worries aren't entirely fabricated, there's always a seed, and even the people I'd consider my best friends are likely to make me feel unwanted.
I normally don't let things like this effect me, but it's been going on for roughly 2 months now and it really upsets. I'm too scared to talk to friend or family so I've turned here.
I'm a 14 year old male who's been home schooled since birth, my only real-life chance for social interaction is via a programming club I go to once a week.
Does anyone else feel like this, or posibly know what my problem is? Thank you!
P.S sorry for poor structute and typo forest, using mobile.
Hang in there. It gets easier and eventually it can even get easy. You will read this when you're 27 and marvel at how you once felt. Good luck!I'm a 14 year old male who's been home schooled since birth, my only real-life chance for social interaction is via a programming club I go to once a week.
I know it's hard to believe, but I promise you, if you let yourself get there, and you are patient, eventually worlds will open up to you. By that I mean that you will have interaction with many different people, ideas, and circumstances that currently you do not have.
How is the "whacking" going? -Couldn't help but use that term. Seriously though, how are you doing caelum19? I hope that all is well, just checking in.
It's going okay. The concious side of things has improved quite a lot, but every now and then the subconcious will pop it's head up and I don't have the strength to knock it back down because the machine is kinda jammed, but the repair guy has ordered some parts and they should arrive eventually. Thanks so much for checking in. The fact this is the first time someone has 'checked in' on the internet says a lot about Hubski and the people on it :)
That all sounds positive. The fact that you are self aware enough to know that a repair guy is needed and have actually ordered the parts is a damn good thing. Cheers!
We're social creatures and we love little more than feeling validated by a fellow human. It's easy to get caught up in such thoughts. I think it's important to realise it as just that . A thought. A transient experience which only exists as long as you hold on to it. Does 'x' dislike you because they neglected to wish you goodbye. Probably not. People don't generally happily talk to another for ages if they feel disdain towards them. And if they in fact do? Then the whole thing is essentially inconsequential. You only stress yourself out and cause anxiety by pursuing such thoughts. Consider the person who didn't reply for a day. Really think about all the circumstances that could've arisen within their life which led them not to be able to respond. With those in mind, is torturing yourself with your original, singular outlook worthwhile? Trying to step out your own perspective can be good when dealing with such things. My uninformed conclusion is that you're getting caught up with such things because you feel your opportunities for social interaction to be few. In turn, you over analyse any behavior or cues from the chances you do get. I think it's also important to consider the effect of these thoughts on your future interactions. You already stated that you only talk to people that approach you first. This is very limiting. I know from experience. I recently spent 6 months in a different city and had 0 of my own friends the whole time. Why? Because I made no effort myself. The one time I developed any sort of relationship was when I made the effort and went to a reddit meetup with a load of complete strangers. I met some cool people but failed to capitalise on that, even when they reached out to me in the future. You can't always expect things to come to you without any action on your part, and then be upset when nothing happens. On a final note. If you feel the being home schooled is hurting your social development, then it's important to air that to your family. A prime reason for homeschooling in the first place is because they want what they think best. They would hopefully be concerned to hear you feel this way and make efforts to amend. I know this is somewhat of a jumbled response, but I hope it was a worthwhile read. :)
I can do that with most things, but when I like someone, and I even suspect that someone doesn't like caelum, it really gets to me and clouds away all that "logical thought" with "blah blah, don't blame them, blah blah blah". I go between patches of "woah, calm down why would someone dislike you just for that" where I think like you about the subject; clearly and that it's all in my head, and "Don't go over there, they all hate you just stay in the corner there where you aren't in anyone's way." I'm happy enough homescooled, if I went to school I would miss getting up when ever I want, doing what ver I want, learning what ever I want etc. What's not so great is living ages away from anywhere, we don't really have petrol money to go to many things purely for social reasons :/We're social creatures and we love little more than feeling validated by a fellow human. It's easy to get caught up in such thoughts. I think it's important to realise it as just that . A thought. A transient experience which only exists as long as you hold on to it.
A prime reason for homeschooling in the first place is because they want what they think best. They would hopefully be concerned to hear you feel this way and make efforts to amend.
I know this is somewhat of a jumbled response, but I hope it was a worthwhile read. :)
It was a jumbled question! and it was really helpful too, you don't often get people that are kind enough to go to this sort of effort on any other site, you made me feel much better. :)
I don't know you but I'd like to think I share some of your social stigmas. I think you're going through the self-imposed isolation many of us feel at that age and beyond. I know it seems impossible but you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. If people don't like you for being yourself then they aren't worth the time in the first place. Try not to take it personally. Move on and find others that share your passions. The good news is there are sites like Hubski where shy creatures like us can congregate. By no means is it a substitute for personal interaction but it's definitely a refuge of freethought. In any case, you've got friends here.
I don't really have much to offer to the discussion, but I wanted to say a.) regardless of whether or not you're wanted, you're a pretty cool guy, and b.) I feel ya. It's not as much that I feel unwanted with my friends, but I always feel a little bit like my girlfriend's about to break up with me - she'll say something about how we aren't that similar, or seem bored in conversations with me, or just not respond to my texts, and I worry that it means our relationship isn't going well.
Thanks man!
I hope things end up alright with you and your girlfriend, if I had one she'd probably drive my absolutely crazy with with irrational worries. You should try not to worry though, I'm often so pre-occupied with worrying that someone wants me to shut up, I end up forgetting to think about what I say next and then conversation ends up awkward and I feel worse.she'll say something about how we aren't that similar
Judging from my parents you don't have to be similar to be in love. :)
This is a two way street. If you find yourself waiting for people to start conversations with you, you're going to find yourself isolated and possibly disappointed more often than not. I'm not saying to go out and start every single conversation ever, but the ability to start a conversation is a valuable skill (especially once you get to college and working) and I think it will open gateways if you let them. Worrying about whether somebody likes you or not based on them not saying bye or what have you is a bit silly. rezzeJ covered it pretty well and I agree with what he said on that one. Is it possible to see the people from the club other days of the week, for programming or just generally hanging out and shooting the shit? Outside of that, definitely bring it up to your family if you feel it is important. Also, is it possible to find other clubs or groups to join in whatever interests you have?I could be talking to someone happyily(Only if they approach me)...
I'm a 14 year old male who's been home schooled since birth, my only real-life chance for social interaction is via a programming club I go to once a week.