I like that phrase, "native ability" better than "talent." "Talent" has a lot of baggage and from what I've seen, you're right in your observation that people tend to view talent either 100% or 0%. I have seen a lot of people, including my own classmates from grade school and some of my students suffering from this kind of mentality. SeventhProphet illustrated it well in this statement: Now, I have personal experience with this as well, but in the end, how does this "everyone" know what a "genius super child" is vs. a kid with a bit of talent and intelligence? Heck, the people saying those things might even be pretty dumb. Today, it's pretty common for people to be use hyperbole for relatively common things, as illustrated in this Louis CK bit. I really think that when people say these things about kids, it creates this expectation of wild success that simply can't be lived up to. To better see what I mean, check out these two articles, one from the New York Times Sunday Magazine about how kids handle pressure, and one from the New Yorker about the perils of praising kids too much.It's just... my whole life everyone told me i was this genius super child who was going to do great things, and i guess i caved under the pressure.
My sister-in-law is Japanese, and she and my brother have a toddler and are due to have another baby in a few weeks. I know that she is very worried about how Americans tend to raise children vis-a-vis praise. We all fawn over her daughter ("you're so cute!", "You're so smart!", etc), while she always tells us that we're going to give her a complex. Apparently, in Japan it's much more common to teach children discipline than to give them a reach around for basically every little thing they do. It's a good thought, but on the other hand, how do you not fawn over this:
Very cute. Every time my wife tells my daughter how beautiful she is or how pretty she is, I always try to counter with one of the following: and kind, smart, funny etc. I don't want her to think the most important attribute is how she looks. But it is hard not to be smitten with their adborableness.
Funny thing, I was raised by a mother who told all my relatives not to compliment me on my appearance because she didn't want me to value looks. This is not the way to go. (I think you mixing it up is a better/the best approach.) Unfortunately when you tell someone not to comment on looks, this usually twists into "don't compliment them on their looks, but you can call them out if you think they are scruffy/overweight/unkempt etc." Hello, complexes... ;) All better now, no worries.
I NEVER want to focus on "weight" but I do want to always focus on health. Being inactive will not be tolerated in our house. Life's too short. Keep in mind that I consider writing, playing music, playing tennis, running, painting etc all "activities" worth pursuing. It's funny how you don't know what your child will end up like. You essentially have till they are about 7 years old to shape their path -Watch this.
I asked my parents if having kids was like, a cool little biological experiment where you get to mix your genes and then watch how they express in your kids. Like if you get to watch your kids and see your mannerisms in them, etc. My parents said, "No, not really." Haha.
. . . yeah, that's kryptonite. I have encountered a lot of literature detailing the kinds of pressure that some Japanese students face and it seems once again that people have gravitated to extremes: in the West, "OH MY GOD YOU'RE A GENIUS" vs. in the East, "OH MY GOD, YOU'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH." There has to be a range that works at least a little bit better, I hope.