Hey! Here's a random middle-aged white guy on the internet, who thinks his ideas are going to be just the thing to get you over this hump! Listen up, young one, while I mansplain it to ya...
We are clouds of chemicals. Everywhere we go, we have a chemical cloud around us. When we get in close proximity to someone else, they can sense our clouds, and we can sense theirs.
Ya know what your cloud was like while you were standing in the middle of a lively bar, moping and being all moody and goth? Unwelcoming. Uninteresting. Defensive. Walled-off.
What kind of person is going to find that a compelling cloud to step in to? (Hint: Nobody you wanna be around, for sure!)
You can't engage with anyone else until you sort out your cloud. And, honestly, why would you force that kind of darkness, negativity, and mopeyness on someone else anyway?
So here's the thing.... you be you. Go make yourself happy. Do the things that make you happy. Do stuff for yourself. Get a massage. A haircut. A pedicure. Smoke some weed. Spend a day out, walking aimlessly, and just going in to cafes you have never been to, and have whatever they sell. Be with your thoughts. Wear headphones with nothing but the sound of waves or white noise, and let your head do whatever it wants to do.
You have GOT to find a way to be comfortable in your own skin. With yourself. With your mind. With who you are.
Until you sort that shit out, trying to have a relationship with someone else is just being mean.
Be with that thought for a bit...
(Good luck, my friend. I'm being all tough-love here, and it may resonate with you, or it may not. I hope it does.)