I just submitted it because I noticed Aziz Ansary on the Nautilus masthead. I want that to remain a mystery for me to ponder on long drives, in the isolation chamber, etc.
Oh bosh. If you like someone and want to be with them, you respond. The real problem is that one is more likely to meet a lot of ok people that you might kinda like somewhat. The question then is this: "What will be more interesting tonight: being alone or spending time with this ok-for-now joker?" Hence the pause. Plus the North American tendency to not want to hurt people's feelings. EDIT so they hurt them more by being indirect or non-responsive.Psychologists have conducted hundreds of studies in which they reward lab animals in different ways under different conditions. One of the most intriguing findings is that “reward uncertainty”—in which, for instance, animals cannot predict whether pushing a lever will get them food—can dramatically increase their interest in getting a reward.
Uncertainty increases the rat's interest in the activity of pushing a lever. While predictability decreases the rat's interest. The author assumes that if rat's lose interest in pushing a lever and receiving a reward, humans will behave the same in the context of dating:If a text back from someone is considered a “reward,” consider the fact that lab animals who get rewarded for pushing a lever every time will eventually slow down because they know that the next time they want a reward, it will be waiting for them. So basically, if you are the guy or girl who texts back immediately, you are taken for granted and ultimately lower your value as a reward. As a result, the person doesn’t feel as much of an urge to text you or, in the case of the lab animal, push the lever.
People's expectations have been shot to hell by social media. When all you see is travel and bling and the virtue signaling garbage in people's lives and not the bad stuff we all have to deal with your perception of other people is thrown out of reality. Then you get into dating and find out that you agree with 80% of each other's positions and instead of cheering that, they focus on the 20% and start to grind on one another. Meanwhile your friends online on facebook are posting travel albums, weddings, rings and nonsense like that and those differences take over. There is a small part of me that wants to write a massive, citation filled, blog post arguing for arranged marriages to make a comeback. Then I realize as long as people keep this nonsense away from me, eh. Live and let live, stop being defined by the media and adverts you watch and shut the fuck up once in a while and listen. And if you cannot pull that off write a book and profit off the nonsense like everyone else seems to be doing.
Or, like, stop using social media as much as is possible. You could even dial back the arranged marriage thing and start with people going on blind dates (probably a terrible idea) and working forward from there.