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comment by lil
lil  ·  2325 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: July 27, 2016

Background

On July 5, 2015, my partner of 22 years, husband for 18, told me suddenly and without warning that he "needed space." He had "met someone." He seemed to think that he had to be single in order for her to take him seriously. She didn't take him seriously, but we were done. Then, he fell into a slough of despond and is still doing very badly. Nonetheless, we were already in the middle of legally separating and continued in that direction.

The Separation Agreement

Yesterday: signed, sealed, singed, spit on, done.

What I Learned

The Separation Agreement is filed nowhere except with us and our lawyers. It is only filed with a court if one of us needs to have a court order to deliver on whatever was promised. That's apparently how it works in Ontario. I needed this document though to use in various ways

1) get the pension services to split off 20% and redirect it to me

2) show my evidence of income so that the bank is more willing to remortgage

3) evidence of income so I can get him removed as guarantor of my mortgage (one of the agreements)

4) particularly, though, it allowed us to find out what is required by law and to protect each of us (mostly me) in a formal agreement

5) if either of us wants a formal divorce at some point, all the real work is done. Divorce requires some paperwork and filing charges of $447 (2016) total.

What He Learned

I asked "What can be learned?" of course. After a pause, he said, "I should have appreciated what I had." no shit Sherlock

What Else I Learned

Anything can happen to anyone anytime.

We know little and control even less.

You don't have to go down with every ship. Stay fabulous.

If the universe can create someone like you, the universe has already created someone for you. Sometimes, with a little psychic paging, magic, faith, luck, skill, and awesomeness, the two of you might just meet. mivasairski





OftenBen  ·  2325 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'm glad that you have such strength.

I'm sad that you have such need to use it.

mivasairski  ·  2324 days ago  ·  link  ·  

And, for me, right now . . . some lunching!

steve  ·  2324 days ago  ·  link  ·  

We've never met, but I count you as a close friend.

We've never hugged, but I feel your heart close.

We've not spoken on the phone but I hear you and you, me.

We've not broken bread, but I know you're safe.

I love you lil.

lil  ·  2324 days ago  ·  link  ·  

hugs, dude!!

We did "meet" on Google hangouts. Man that was fun! You, me, thenewgreen, and humanodon.

mivasairski  ·  2324 days ago  ·  link  ·  

And, along with living, loving, laughing . . . more lounging, less longing!

mivasairski  ·  2324 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Sail on, Lil. There is more and more behind you, flowing way far away downstream, and so much more up ahead round the next bend that you can only imagine. Sail on -- living, loving, laughing!