1) Everything gets better from here. 2) Your friends, enemies and classmates are too busy being self-conscious and self-absorbed in their own shit to worry about yours. 3) Yes, she does like you. That much. All of them do. Except that one. Let her go. I mean it. MOVE THE FUCK ON. It's not her you're fixated on, it's your idea of her and that idea is a mutherfucking FIGMENT. She's gonna marry that nice but useless dude in the mullet, move to Colorado Springs and live an uneventful life as a very fat special ed teacher. Seriously. Drop it like it's hot. 4) The aches will never be as strong again but the joy will spread like melted butter. 5) That stupid shit your brain makes you do? That's your brain growing. Everybody's brain does that. Don't beat yourself up. 6) Amanda's going to overdose. Paul is going to shoot himself. Jonathan is going to be strangled and beaten to death with rocks. The Beckman brothers are going to hold up a bank and go on the run. Gabe is going to get in a shootout. Melissa is going to hold a machete to Adam's nuts while one of her buddies points an AR-15 at him and then he's going to chase them out of his house with a samurai sword and then a year later he's going to strangle Jonathan and beat him to death with rocks and he'll go to jail but it'll mistrial because he'll intimidate all three witnesses one to the point where he hangs himself with his shoelaces in holding. You are literally surrounded by a Tarantino movie and the sooner you escape them all the happier you will be. 7) Don't buy the gun. Jesus fuck, it's an SKS. Have some self-respect. Actually, fukkit. Buy it. But know that it's gonna take you some deep black places and don't let it own you. 8) There will be nothing you can do to prevent or avenge her rape, and it will still haunt you forever. 9) Most people don't live like this. It truly is unusual. Street cred is nice but normality is nicer. Embrace it when you find it. 10) The sooner you can forgive the previous 17 years the more happy years you have ahead of you.
I think a lot of people did. All that stuff they talk about dropping crime rates and lead paint causing violence and shit? My peeps grew up with blood lead levels higher than the oh holy shit levels that some kids in Flint have right now. Shit be real, yo. I mean, Butthole Surfers. Me and my little sister saw them play with the Stone Temple Pilots back in '93. Gibby Haynes had a shotgun filled with salt or something and he blew away balloons over the crowd. Which was proof that he was a pussy 'cuz bands like Tschkung used to straight up fire AK-47s with blanks over the crowd. Dude my little sister was dating turned up dead six months later, his body in a ditch on the side of the freeway and his head a quarter mile down the road. At the time, it was like "huh. Guess you shouldn't fight the Cartels for territory." Nowadays it's some fuckin' OMG gangland slaying. It wasn't even in his obituary. He just "passed away."
Holy shit, man. I didn't realize it was that bad.
Very well thought out letter. A lot of that is what I would way to myself at 14 (except the "street cred" stuff. I have tho oppositof street cred. Whatever that is.) I talked to a friend who I hadn't talked to in a year yesteday. We've had the same therapist and well, maybe that shows. Therapy sisters or whatever. We talked about really personal shit and that was nice. Kind of unexpected. But really really nice. Also she said that a certain someone might like me so... you know, that's nice. And like, I'm an ADULT soon? The fuck? I also talked future with a very nice teacher. Who told me to come and keep talking future. He's cool. He used to be in buissnius law and comes from a posh backround (he is british) and now he is a teacher who shows documentaries about marx. Also he seems to be "feeling the bern" as the youngsters say. Fun fact time! The leader of my political party used to be politically active in the US. As a socialist. Guess who tweets stuff about Bernie Sanders a lot! He. He does.
Opposite of street cred - nerd cred?
Yes. I am filled with nerd cred. Every pore of my being is flowing over with nerd cred. I