Do you experience any "Impostor's Syndrome"? I expect most people do, in some section of their lives. I'm currently going through some serious shit about this, and I think the most messed up thing is like, I don't even think I'm good enough to have impostor syndrome. Like, what am i posing as? a mid-tier bassist?
I can't figure out if people are lying to me about my skills. I feel like I'm part of some cruel joke, where I'm just failing upwards. I just got accepted into CIM, and I'm working on scholarship stuff, and all I can think is "They just going to accept you without any scholarship. That's how they make money, people like you."
I had a rehearsal this morning for my friend's recital. She's an accompanying piano major, and we're doing one of the Bach Gamba Sonatas. We played through it, and I felt like i just completely shit the bed. My friend's teacher, who was there, and is an imposing person to me musically, told me it was great, and just pointed out a couple of intonation things.
I feel like I had some sort of strange "wink and nod" moment where she pointed out one or two small things to spare me the embarrassment of saying "You gotta hit the practice rooms hard, kid", but the other people who were in the hall (members of the piano studio, and a violinist friend of mine who is also on the recital) also said it was really good.
Like, Is it that I play the bass, so expectations are low? Are these peoples' expectations that much less than mine? I just don't understand, it's becoming really distressing to me.
Can I get some perspective? Just...