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comment by lessismore
lessismore  ·  4668 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: When your seven-year-old son announces, "I'm gay."
Isn't 7 kind of early for one to know which way he/she leans? As I recall, when I was that age, girls were yucky.




mk  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I had a crush on a girl named Melissa when I was 6. I'm pretty sure I wanted to kiss her. My guess is that if I had a crush on a boy name Matt, I would have figured out I was gay as soon as I learned about adults that were.

That said, at 7yo, IMO it's a possibility that the kid might find that he like girls or maybe even both boys and girls as he gets older. It's hard to remember what it is to be a 7yo, but I recall that ideas were pretty open-ended and whimsical.

kleinbl00  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
It's funny. My mother insists that she nailed my type when, at the age of 2, I sat entranced watching the teacup in the telecast of L'Enfant et les sortilèges:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v...

(the profound effect that opera had on my tendency towards anthropomorphism is a whole 'nuther matter)

And of the two Swiss sisters who babysat me at the age of 4, I had a definite preference for the younger, hotter one, despite the fact that her games weren't as fun. At the age of 6, there was a little girl who definitely had a crush on me and it wasn't at all yucky. She was way too overt about it, though, and brought down the wrath of the playground upon us (and destroyed my ant farm, dammit). She moved away by 3rd grade, only to come back sophomore year in High School. I came over to study once, walked upstairs and saw her mom naked, then spent the evening watching Handmaid's Tale under a blanket and studiously not sleeping with her because, dammit, she was still too needy - for whatever reason, I just wasn't attracted to her. What kind of weird teenage boy passes up sex on a Wednesday? One of my friends later slept with both of them at once. Mother and daughter moved to Florida and contracted Lyme Disease, last I checked.

A male friend made a pass at me in 6th grade; we had a mutual friend who had invited him to go to his parents' cabin and the two of them had had sex in the hot tub. The idea seemed really pretty revolting to me but I wasn't mortally offended like I should be so I kinda wondered if maybe getting over the revulsion was just something you did eventually (never mind the fact that the bra strap of the girl who sat in front of me was the majority of my attention that year). He's happily married with four kids now.

I started to internalize just how straight I was when, at 16, I looked over at my best friend's ass in jeans and found myself thinking "his ass would look great on a girl." Then at 17 I got a great deal on a bright yellow ZX-1000 Ninja with Yoshimura pipes and a 230mph speedo. Simply sitting on the stupid thing made me feel so masculine that I decided the whole dilemma was bloody ridiculous. I blared The Cure and pranced around like a little girl. So much of our identification of "gender" and "masculinity" is external and peer-driven.

My sexuality has been atomic-clock constant since my first boner. I have a cousin, on the other hand, that would rediscover her lesbian tendencies every two years like clockwork. She finally married the most effeminate man I've ever met and they have two lovely children. Some people figure it out early. Some people never do. So long as we're all happy, what does it matter?

mk  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
dammit, she was still too needy - for whatever reason, I just wasn't attracted to her.

It's an odd thing how much some sort of chase plays into attraction. There have been two girls in my life that I had no good reason not to date, but for the fact that they were obviously interested in it from the beginning. I guess it's the equivalent of that safe guy friend that so many girls have. He's hopelessly into her, she knows it, and that's where it stays. I've been that guy, btw. So very lame.

So long as we're all happy, what does it matter?

I've long wondered at people that get hung up on other's sexual preferences. It seems such an odd place to push your personal opinions. One can't help wonder about the inner struggles of people that have strong opinions on the matter. Why else would you care?

b_b  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I had a definite preference for the younger, hotter one...

There's a shock! Truer words were never spoken. It sucks that being more interesting can't make up for being younger and hotter, but, well, life ain't fair.

lessismore  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
How does gq feel about your hypothetical feelings for Matt? :P
mk  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I think she's hypothetically cool with it.
Saydrah  ·  4668 days ago  ·  link  ·  
Yep -- that's why she mentions in all her writings about her son that she doesn't know how he'll feel when he's older. On the other hand, back when boys were yucky to me, I just thought "I never want to get married!" not "I'm marrying a girl!"
lessismore  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I am not certain her son even knows what being "gay" means.
Saydrah  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
Why would you be certain about anything involving a child you haven't met? :)

I suspect his mother knows him fairly well, having produced him from her loins and raised him his entire life and all. Of course, she could be doing him serious psychological harm by accepting his self-identification and loving him anyway. I mean, he might grow up knowing he was nurtured by open-minded parents... risky!

lessismore  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I did not make claims of certainty about the child.

I suspect that the mother is an attention seeker. Look at me. Look how understanding and open-minded I am. My 7 year old tells me that he is gay and I accept and love him for it.

Saydrah  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
It seems you're making a lot of judgments about someone you don't know. There are probably better ways to spend your time if you want to judge parenting choices. You could start with this woman: http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/why-i-rejected-plan-b-after...
lessismore  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I did not judge her parenting choices. I never once said that she should have done this or done that. As a parent myself, I know what a challenge it is to raise a child. I encourage people I know and respect to give their opinions and share their parenting experiences with the wife and me and then we make what we believe to be the best decisions in raising him.

I suspected that she made it more dramatic than what it is to grab attention and views and I stand by that.

lessismore  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
Apologies if the "wh*" word offended you. I've edited it.
Saydrah  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I've redacted my criticism -- thank you for editing.

Snark aside, you do make a reasonable point about using one's children as blog source material, but this parent hardly invented the "mommyblogging" phenomenon. I do think there is value at this time in being willing to publicly put forth the idea of not challenging a child's self-identification at such an early age. If he grows up straight, there's a cute story about his "gay phase" to tell his prom date. If he grows up gay, he's spared the agonizing over how to come out to his parents -- thanks, seven-year-old self! If this essay inspires other parents to say "Okay, dear," instead of, "No, you're not old enough to understand that, don't say that," I think it's worthwhile. Telling a child not to identify in a particular way sends the message that to do so would be bad and warrant a parent's disapproval.

My best friend knew he was gay at 10, but his mother suspected since his toddlerhood and never said anything. When he finally came out to her at 16, after months of soul-wrenching thought about whether or not to tell her, she said, "Oh, I knew," and he was relieved, but also really upset that she hadn't openly discussed it with him before even so far as to say, "I'd be fine with it if you were gay." She thought that living in an open and accepting household in general already sent that message, but to a kid dealing with figuring out his own identity as an adolescent, there was a big difference between "My parents are okay with gays" and "My parents wouldn't mind if I were gay."

lessismore  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I have a very close friend tell me recently she suspects that her 8 years old son is "gay" based on his mannerisms. We had a discussion about it and I offered her my experiences growing up. She decided that perhaps she is reading too much into it after consulting with other close friends. She isn't going to make a big deal about it and just support him and let him grow up the way he wants to grow and be there with him every step of the way, wherever that may lead. And as parents, that is all we can do.
GoatFood  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I don't know, I think I probably had subtle heterosexual inclinations at that age. I still thought girls were yucky. But looking back on it, I had certain experiences of attraction, even though I was too young to realize it at the time.
lessismore  ·  4667 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I don't recall myself having any sexual inclinations at that age. IIRC, I might have 10 when I had my first attraction towards a female.