or a house owned by your parents where they don't live.
What happened next? Is there a happy ending?
Please tell me your story if you have one. Or are you still living in the basement?
Ha, didn't need to be. I got the hell out of my mom's house on my 18th birthday. We kind of hated each other at that time. The upside is that we've gotten along great ever since. The nature of our relationship was discolored by the fact that I decided to be free about the age of 6, whereas she had other thoughts. As soon as there was no hegemony involved, the relationship took a strong turn for the better.
I think my relationship with my parents has been discolored because I haven't taken them seriously since about the 7th grade. I realized they don't know what they're doing all the time, and I realized they weren't perfect. I treat them as I treat my friends now. This causes me to treat them well & with respect in general, but when they wish to be controlling, it's hard to take them seriously.
I disagree. You can easily recognize someone else as a person and still disagree with them over fundamental issues. I simply fail to take my parents seriously at times. I feel as if most people put up a facade when communicating (in person, anyway). When I feel as if someone isn't being open, I become flippant.
Um, so, unflattering moment in _refugee_'s history time, once I got into a physical altercation with my mother. It wasn't a "serious" physical altercation as in "neither party was doing serious damage to the other and there was a lot of hair pulling" although (I actually just talked to my sister about this yesterday) I did throw a blow. We were at very close contact however, and I'm sure it was an awkward blow. My siblings pulled us (me) off of each other (her). My dad was in New York or Japan. My little sister called him and he spoke to both of us on the phone and he told me he thought the best thing possible would be for me to leave the house for a while. It wasn't like, "I'm going to kick you out," but "You and your mom should be apart." I totally agreed. I went for a walk in the dark in my neighborhood until I could text friends to pick me up. Might not have come home for a week, certainly didn't come home til Dad was back. Rough time of my life. I was 19/20, probably home from school on summer break. I remember cultivating friends on campus so that I could stay at their places instead of going home. But I'm not sure. It could have also been the summer I was home after the end of college, before I got a job. I'm not sure. Why did we come to blows? Well, besides the drugs I was abusing at the time (which were a very significant factor), my mother had a possession of mine in her hand or in her possession and was refusing to give it to me. I remember being totally enraged, because whatever she had was absolutely, unequivocably mine, and I remember a moment where I decided I "wasn't doing this any longer" and/or "wasn't letting her just get away with whatever she wanted" - that what she had was mine and I was getting it from her no matter what, that I wasn't giving up that fight. So - that. My brother voluntarily "ran away" and stayed at a friend's apartment for nearly two months in his late teens/early twenties, from what I remember. That was a time when we had no idea what he was doing, where he was, etc. No commuication whatsoever - but it was his choice, it wasn't at the parents' behest. Edit: "How is my relationship with my mother now?" Well, I have accepted her for who she is. We get along well enough. My sister commented yesterday that she has a long and established tendency to "be a bitch" to me, approximately "30%" of the time. Essentially, if I do the right things, we get along now. Also, I bet kb has a juicy story or two for this thread. kleinbl00
Can I ask where you live/are from, Ando? I ask because that certainly seems like a cultural thing. My family is the same in regards to "dude, whatever, just stay here, it's the most logical decision." We're also big on having lots of relatives under one roof - my lovely Aunt, before she passed, had four families living in her house. Granted, her house was huge, but it was still a fascinating thing to see.
But that seems frowned upon in America, although it also seems to be changing with how shitty things are economy wise here.
Yes. Not as a permanent thing, similar to refugee's story. More of a, it'd be best if you weren't here for a day or so. Since I thought it'd be best if I was never there again but it just made too much sense to live somewhere for free^, I complied with alacrity. I got in exactly one physical altercation with my father in the 18 years I lived at home -- and it was his fault, and he knew it, so I didn't get thrown out. But I never spent a day in that house that I didn't have to; I had a friend whose doors were always open. Probably saved my life. My parents were extremely bad child-raisers, but in general very "cool" people -- I'm working on repairing our relationship (sort of), as b_b mentions below ... the quicker you get out the quicker you become friends again. ^minus the opportunity cost of emotional trauma, I suppose. And chores.
I stayed with my parents till I was 19 at which point my dad sat me down and said, "Steven, it's time to shit and get off the pot." Meaning I had to move on in life. They said I could stay with them but I had to pay then rent moving forward. That's when I applied to the university of Montana and (much to everyone's surprise) got accepted. I didn't resent my parents, they were right. What I resented was that all my friends at UofM didn't have to worry about things like rent or food money etc. I always had to work, sometimes two jobs and I wished they had helped more financially. All of that said, I knew that as an adult I never wanted to be without money. It was a motivator for me. I'm glad my dad "kicked me out."
Go. It's an awesome place and has some of the most untouched natural areas and old-timey, cowboy towns in the country. Montana is the real deal. I'd recommend spending a week in Glacier National Park, for sure. If you head out there, let me know and I'll be more specific with my recommendations, I'm sure scrimetime could recommend some stuff too as he was a roommate of mine out there. I'm pretty sure Fever (another old college roommate) still lives out there and I'm sure he could also steer you in the right direction. At the very least the three of us can advise you as to the best bars in Missoula circa 1999