And the man at the counter says to the photon, "Hello, sir. Could I get your luggage?"
And the photon says to the man, "No thank you. I'm travelling light" 8D
Pascal, Einstein, and Newton are hanging out one day and decide to play hide-and-seek. Einstein goes first, while Pascal runs off. Newton simply stands there, takes out a piece of chalk, and draws a mid-sized square around himself. Einstein finishes counting and turns around, "Newton?? I found you." "Ah!" Newton replies, "You found one Newton per square metre! You found Pascal."
And the obligatory add on: Meanwhile, Heisenberg can be heard in the background running around while shouting his exact speed.
The bartender says "We don't serve tachyons". A tachyon walks into the bar. Edit: This one may leave you googling... ;)
A carbon atom says to another, "I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive."
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer, which the bartender then pours for him. He asks the bartender, "How much will that be?" The bartender says "For you? No charge."
Piece of string walks in to a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve yer kind here - no strings! Get out". The piece of string walks outside, messes up his hair, twists himself up like a pretzel and walks back in.
Bartender says "Aren't you that piece of string I just threw out of here?"
"No, I'm a frayed knot".
I'm noticing that all of the jokes in this thread are in the present tense, and indeed, the present tense seems rather familiar and "intuitive" for telling jokes... but why? Anyone have a clue? EDIT: http://hubski.com/pub?id=108756 is related to the question.
Well, the thing about English is that it has several present tenses rather than one, unified present tense. "A man walks into a bar . . . " is an example of the Present Simple tense, which can talk about things happening one time or repeatedly. For example: "the sky is blue". We know that the sky is not always blue, but that it is often and repeatedly blue. The way that language influences perceptions of time have always fascinated me. For example, in English there is a lot of discussion about the verb "to be". It denotes that something always exists, like, "the universe is vast" as in, it is now vast, it has been vast for an unaccountably long time and will always be vast. Of course, it would be odd to find a language where entropy is denoted implicitly.
I wonder if it's a Germanic remnant. English literature is predominantly past tense, while German literature is largely present tense. English is basically old German and French mashed together. When the Normans invaded Britain, the Germanic residents became their servants and slaves. Now, the languages didn't merge equally. There was a socioeconomic divide. For example, the Normans didn't care for their own animals, they made their Germanic servants do it. Hence, most English words for animals come from German. Likewise, fine food was the privilege of the ruling Normans, and thereby many English words for foods, especially complex dishes, come from French. Jokes are primarily oral traditions, and they're also often considered "boorish" or "uncivilised." So, it seems plausible that in the early days of English, more jokes were told by the Germanic servants than their affluent masters, and were more often spoken than written down. So while written English adopted the past tense, spoken jokes retained the Germanic present tense. This is just conjecture. But it seems conceivable.
Bartender says "Can I get you a beer?". Neutrino says, "No thanks, I'm just passing through".
http://www.sadtrombone.com I loved all the jokes in this thread.