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comment by _refugee_
_refugee_  ·  2886 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Who do I tell that I'm seeing a therapist?

My first reaction would be "Good for you." Regardless of whatever I knew about your life. Going to a therapist says you are a person who is willing to do work to improve yourself. My second would be to ask if you wanted to talk about it.

I'm not your friends and I don't pretend to be an accurate representation of the human race. But if they are going to judge you negatively for it maybe they shouldn't be your friends.

Night is not always a friendly time to be alone.





OftenBen  ·  2886 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thanks :] And the strange part of it is, is that I know you're being honest, more so than most people I interact with daily, sad part of life. And my social circle has definitely shrunk from my early college/late high school prime, because I decided to no longer be the one putting in 100% of the effort into maintaining certain kinds of friendships. Part of the pressure for me is the fact that for a long period of time, I was EVERYBODY'S counselor. I was a P.A.L. (Peer Assistant Leader, basically a peer-counselor) when I was in high school, and I've always made it known to my friends and little brothers that if they need to talk about something I'm available. I'm afraid then, that if anyone finds out that I've been in a sticky psychological pickle myself, they won't trust me as a confidant.

And it most definitely is not :/

lil  ·  2886 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I'm afraid then, that if anyone finds out that I've been in a sticky psychological pickle myself, they won't trust me as a confidant.
My experience is the other way around. When they understand that you are struggling with your own issues, people seem to trust you more -- the relationship becomes more equal, as it should. I could be wrong though.
OftenBen  ·  2886 days ago  ·  link  ·  

And that makes just entirely more sense than what I feel. But knowing something intellectually and viscerally are two different things.

b_b  ·  2885 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I totally agree. People are much more afraid of someone they see as a superhero with no problems than they are of someone they perceive to be as flawed as they see themselves. The thing is, everyone is nuts. Some people are more nuts than others, and some people hide it well, but everyone has fears, unfulfilled desires, negative thoughts, feelings of failure, etc.

lil  ·  2885 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I give lots and lots of advice as you know. If you don't know that, OftenBen, - see Lil's Book of Questions. I even give advice to people who are sick of hearing advice.

I hesitate to say this, but it is possible that the more therapy you have had, the more qualified you are to give advice. So in full disclosure, therapy - let me count the ways:

*group therapy for survivors of domestic violence

*individual therapy for same

and backwards from there.

In university, I wish I had had more. The right person can help a lot - or at least inspire you to look for ways to help yourself.

I'm also fond of self-help books, that speak to you at certain times in your life and have discussed that with hubski here.

_refugee_  ·  2885 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I was here for that thread! I wonder what happend to SufficientGrace

OftenBen  ·  2885 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Wow, talk about a list of resources. Thanks a ton lil :]

_refugee_  ·  2886 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I know you're being honest

Well then, and now I'm flattered. I try.

I think your social circle generally tends to shrink after high school. This is certainly my experience.

It is hard to be everybody's counselor. You need someone you can talk to about you. At the crux that's what a counselor is, right?

I think lil is right and that this experience may just make you stronger as someone to lean on. It is sometimes easier to take counsel from someone you know has "been there" before. I acknowledge my answer is what it is in part because I bounced from therapist to therapist for a few years. Nothing will teach you like experience.