'Drama' is too grand a word to convey the meaning of what is being signalled, which I would describe as somewhere between 'annoying personality' and 'relationship bullshit'.

But when heterosexual men say they’re looking for something “drama-free,” I suspect they want something that doesn’t exist: a problem-free partnership with someone who has no life experience.

My gripe with the article is that I think she is reading too much into it. We're talking dating profiles here, which are at best an array of vectors that point to a personality. The musings that follow, then, are truisms that don't really add much.

I think this article makes for a fantastic performance piece - the author is someone who is clearly over-dramatic and probably knows it deep down, and they're expressing their frustrations about how many people out there signal that they find the author undesirable in their dating profiles.

There's plenty of other articles and internet rants out there of a similar form - e.g. "short man complains about how many women list height requirements in their profiles" but since we generally consider being not tall significantly more socially acceptable and less changeable than being dramatic, the short men can be upfront about how unfair it is that they're being discriminated against for something beyond their control. On the other hand, the author of this article needs to play at a complicated jugglig act - they need to communicate idea that these people who don't want "drama" are stupid and wrong for their relationship preferences - while also simultaneously not admitting that they are an over-dramatic person and therefore not needing to confront the fact that maybe there is something they need to change about themselves. But of course, the article itself is a subconscious admission of guilt, because otherwise no one would have written it - even if it remains factually correct in its entirety.

So, if it's a satire I think brilliant and kinda funny. Otherwise yeah it's just annoying.

This article that someone I know just posted on FB annoys me for some reason.

Because the author asked Bumble's on-staff Sociologist, the editor of Feministing, and "a New York City psychiatrist and Buddhist author" what they thought men on dating sites meant when they said "no drama." She speculated at great length about what men meant when they said "no drama." But she did not actually ask any male on a dating site who used the phrase "no drama" what they meant by "no drama."

Some of us have spent (does quick napkin math) twenty thousand hours observing the relationships of young men and women and have heard "drama" discussed, described and dissected since Bush was president and I can say with confidence that when people talk about "drama" in relation to friends or lovers, they universally mean "overreaction." "Drama" happens when a counterpart responds more - wait for it - dramatically to any setback or conflict than the instigator expected. The instigator may be completely mistaken in their expectations ("Why are you so mad? It was just the tip and she doesn't even mean anything to me!") but the "drama" is not "no hardship" it's "react in the way I expect you to react."

Worthy of note: some people (women outnumber men in my experience but men are well represented) cultivate "drama." By performing an outsized response to hardship they increase their relationship leverage and prestige. This "drama" is a staple of Reality TV and therefore a substantial exemplar for far too much of the population; after all, if Snooki does it, it must be good. Those who eschew "drama" tend to be happiest with others who feel likewise, while fans of "drama" are best together.

Sometimes the NYT shits the bed.

oyster

Anyways, I've noticed a lot of self conscious women tend to write articles/post statuses about something they are going through and then try to preach about it to all women. It normally starts with an experience they just had followed by their magnificent realization and deep thoughts with something like this to close it off:

From the article:

There are days when you accidentally sideswipe your neighbor’s car or you have to check someone you love into rehab. Other days are steeped in joy. The kind of partner I’d like shows up for it all.