This concept keeps popping up lately. The first time I remember hearing about it was in this book called "Young Money" which follows a bunch of kids as they start working on Wall Street and focuses on their disillusionment. - source I've never spent more than a couple days in Seattle or San Fran so I can't comment on whether it's this bad or not. I've gone on a couple dates with some tech / startup guys and they're generally pretty cool. Maybe it's because LA still requires you to have a tan and abs to be a "10" so the entitlement and arrogance isn't blown out of proportion like up north. Maybe it's because they aren't in a city where startup life dominates the culture. Regardless, I find dating to be quite tedious, albeit fun, game. I've found that the second you stop yearning for a date is the second you accidentally trip over a guy you can genuinely care about.in another life, would go into finance.
Many young bankers have abandoned Wall Street for tech firms and startups in Silicon Valley, where they get to create businesses instead of leaching off businesses engaging in financial trickery. When Jeremy quit his job at Goldman to take a job at a tech startup, he posted on Facebook: “The nightmare is over. As of today, I am no longer a Goldman Sachs employee.”
This happens for guys too. I stopped worrying about finding SOULMATE TM, and just had fun (used tinder to be honest), I found somebody really special. Also, now that I'm not looking for anything at all, I'm getting hit on. I DO NOT GET HIT ON. I KNOW IT'S AN OLD, OVER USED TROPE, BUT WHERE WERE THESE GIRLS WHEN I WAS SINGLE? I've found that the second you stop yearning for a date is the second you accidentally trip over a guy you can genuinely care about.
As an ineligible bachelor, I have discussed this in detail with my friends, and I've come to three independent (but not mutually exclusive) explanations. Note: feel free to expand/condemn any or all of these. 1. People are interested in others that are already in a relationship, as this demonstrates attractiveness and eligibility for further relationships. 2. Because of the fact that you (presumably) aren't vested in sexually-motivated interactions with others, you subconsciously "play it cool", coming off as genuine and thus someone to be desired. 3. Some people just want to fuck up a good thing. There's other contributing factors to be sure (post them in response, Hubski!), but these are some of the most significant that I've seen in action.Also, now that I'm not looking for anything at all, I'm getting hit on. I DO NOT GET HIT ON. I KNOW IT'S AN OLD, OVER USED TROPE, BUT WHERE WERE THESE GIRLS WHEN I WAS SINGLE?
I think you're spot on with your analysis here, although I am sure there is more to it. aka We're all psychopaths deep down but refuse to admit it due to social and cultural norms.3. Some people just want to fuck up a good thing.
Not psychopaths, narcissists. There's a difference. Everyone wants to be desired, and competition for affection is a surefire way to prove one's desirability to oneself.aka We're all psychopaths deep down but refuse to admit it due to social and cultural norms.
Imma call you out on your edit, boy. That shit is in my email. :P There are two separate things going on with the "fucking shit up." First is the narcissism - people like to have their self-worth confirmed by getting people to like them / fuck them / love them / etc. This is why you often see girls with really low self-esteem being utter whores. Not everyone who has a ton of sex is a whore or has low self esteem, but most girls who have low self esteem run around town...a lot. They're using sex as validation of their self worth. By taking someone who is already in a relationship, this validation is of a higher caliber than taking someone who is unattached. Not only did you get someone to like / fuck / love you, but you were also chosen over someone else by someone who, as am_Unition said, demonstrates attractiveness and eligibility for further relationships. That's, like, 3x a random single bloke! The psychopathy comes in a bit differently. There are times when people fuck other people not to confirm their value, but simply because they can. Sometimes people just need sex. Sometimes it's a game. Sometimes people are searching for something different. But, if the person you go after is in an attached relationship and you do purposefully this to fuck up their lives in one way or another, I think that's psychopathy rather than narcissism. If you do it to purposefully fuck up your own life, that's a whole separate issue that probably stems from fear, boredom, etc. It's kinda hard being really happy with your life and circumstances. We all want more, all the time. But if everything is perfect, what more can you want? What challenges can you conquer to learn / grow / explore / obtain excitement? Obviously, there are a ton of alternatives to fucking a random girl in a bar, losing your wife, losing your house, but people still do it. Then they have an entirely new set of challenges to overcome. No more boredom. No more being unsatisfied with being satisfied. Also, people sometimes just need some good, NSA sex. Sometimes this may help them to realize the relationship they were in wasn't working out. The sex / traveling across the county on a whim simply to fuck for a weekend was the vessel that made them reexamine their circumstances. "Why did I do that?" turns into "what am I doing with my life / with my partner?" turns into "I want more / I'm unsatisfied / damn, that was some good sex, can I have more of that?" Eventually, those people would have figured out and gotten out of the relationship for any number of reasons. But when you fuck someone else, it fast tracks the process.
I honestly thought you were talking about sex watched by the NSA for a second. More on topic, I think a lot of people feel too comfortable in prelationships. Sorta like NSA but not entirely because it's more than just sex.Also, people sometimes just need some good, NSA sex.
Apparently what I've been doing with of my guys for 10 (motherfucking TEN!) years now has a name! Prelationship! Sounds like a buzzword my CEO would come up with. I refuse to use it. We actually went out and had a nice dinner before romping around town / the bedroom for our "anniversary". My roommate was furiously text-screaming YOU CAN'T HAVE AN ANNIVERSARY DINNER FOR HOOKING UP!
She's not jealous. She's TOTALLY not jealous. NOT jealous. Nope. She isn't.My roommate was furiously text-screaming YOU CAN'T HAVE AN ANNIVERSARY DINNER FOR HOOKING UP!
Yeah the original version of that reply was in too deep. You and I are friends, so I wasn't hiding from you. That was more an afterthought about sharing my BS with the community. It's like that old saying: better to let the world think you're a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
Hiiiiii. waves hand Sometimes it becomes an unhealthy habit or easy way to leave a relationship, though :DAlso, people sometimes just need some good, NSA sex. Sometimes this may help them to realize the relationship they were in wasn't working out.
I don't agree. An animal that doesn't care about the survival of others of its species is at an evolutionary disadvantage and is selected against. Caring for others is seen in many different species, particularily in the most intelligent ones. Our capatalistic society to me looks like it pushes people towards focusing on individual gain just as much as helping others.
I'm just spitballing here, but maybe - since many (most?) humans aren't all that concerned about the safety of our species (at least in our day-to-day lives) - people are more concerned about passing on their own genes, rather than the simple survival of human genes?An animal that doesn't care about the survival of others of its species is at an evolutionary disadvantage and is selected against.
YOU WERE TOO DESPERATE! (I don't really know) I finally acknowledged this is indeed a real thing for both guys and girls after literally all 12 of us at the house this weekend had similar experiences. You should have seen 12 people drunkingly realize they've discovered the secret to life.
Is the secret not caring about casual interactions too much? I've become convinced that it is.
Yeah, well, for some of us, the guy's only interesting for a week. I'm just saying that it's common advice and it's true, but it doesn't mean it is going to solve your problems. I am "not looking" for dates and can accidentally find myself on one about once a week with a different guy. That doesn't mean that that guy is the right one for me. I'm glad you guys have managed to find genuinely interesting people through not-looking, but I don't think it's the only step that one needs to take in order to fulfill the requirements.I've found that the second you stop yearning for a date is the second you accidentally trip over a guy you can genuinely care about.
Jeezus. There goes the water that was in my mouth. Viewed it from chatter and had NO CONTEXT WHATSOEVER for this.