All you have to do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.
I don't know if Hemingway really said that. And it doesn't matter. I don't care who said it. What matters is that this sentiment absolutely defines me.
I tried to lurk. I always try to lurk and I forever fail. Lurkers are as praised as the theoretical cat in the box. But I never can, because, to put it simply, I am always bleeding. And to sit in front of a computer and bleed always ends like this.
Years ago I called myself a writer. Up until recently I called myself a novelist. Now I'm back to 'writer,' except I added a simple adjective before it. A gerundive actually-not that anyone cares (in fact this browser doesn't even think that's a word. It's a verb acting as an adjective. No one cares--) The word is 'failed!'
A failed writer.
That's what I call myself. My mother disagrees. My boyfriend disagrees. But after spending seven long years fighting people telling me I can't be a novelist--telling me not because they had ever read my writing or had any example to judge by, but telling me more as if I weren't allowed to be a novelist--after fighting all that, disagreeing now with only two is a much simpler task.
So it takes nothing to write--nothing but spilling your own blood for all to judge.
Then, what does it take to be a writer? That simple word that ought to be defined as "one who writes." That's what I argued for years. I worked hard. I wrote hard, and I created beautiful art.
Beautiful art that took seven years to perfect. Beautiful art that sold less than 100 copies. That brought me enough money to fill my tank. Once.
All that made me feel worthy of the title.
But it's not true. All that made me worthy of the title, but with the added descriptor. To be simply a writer, I have to be, "one who is read."
My friends will read My Little Pony fanfics, but not my book. I hear people rave about Harry Potter, Twilight, Game of Thrones, Fifty Shades of Gray. David Brin. Tolkein. Steven King. And I am here, in a corner, sheepishly avoiding eye contact and slipping Halo dust covers over Lovecraft, Sir James Frazer, Bram Stoker, Shakespeare, Virgil and Homer. I tell people my favorite poem is The Raven. Because no one knows Annabel Lee. And no one knows Catullus' Carmina 101.
Having traveled through many countries, and over many seas, I arrive here, brother, at this miserable funeral, So that I may give the final right bestowed upon the dead, And so I may uselessly speak to mute ashes....
Well, that is my personal translation at least. It was written in Latin.
It matters none that I bleed, and read the blood profussed so wondrously by these writers long dead. I've started to wonder if no place remains for me in this world of new literature.
I fear that when I write, I uselessly speak to mute ashes.
Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
- Frank Zappa
You only fail when you quit. Until then, you are only a potential failure. I've been a potential failure for twenty years now. I don't have a favorite poem; I don't know if I even know anyone with a favorite poem. Perhaps it's because I learned to write by pounding out screenplays, but for whatever reason, I learned that if you aren't connecting with your audience you aren't doing your job.
Your friends won't read your book, you say. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that you're hiding your true taste in literature from your friends behind "Halo dust covers." I'm not a big fan of Robert McKee, but he did make a pretty good observation in Story - a good storyteller will keep you entranced with the tale of their commute to work. A bad storyteller will bore you with the death of their children. It's all about your ability to connect - and when you hold your friends in contempt you have no business requiring them to "watch you bleed."
There's a certain knee-jerk reaction amongst artists to soothe each other and say "there, there, it's okay that the world doesn't understand you." I'm more of a "toughen the fuck up" kinda guy. If I'd spent seven years writing something that nobody cared about, I'd be pissed off. Quit bleeding at the typewriter - Fucking sound your barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world. You need to get people to read your book. To do so, they must pay $2.99. Each read is a validation - every sale a success. Look at the bright side, you could be a screenwriter - in order to be a success you must convince ONE PERSON that your ideas are worth a quarter of a billion dollars. Worse, that person must have access to that kind of money. Even if you do, the odds are infinitesimally small that your name will even be on the work when it's done, and even lower that you'll want it there. When you're faced with those kinds of odds, you learn that if you don't believe in yourself you have
absolutely
no
business
expecting others to.
I'm a read your book. It's on my list. I'm busy right now, though, 'cuz I've got three screenplays and a novel to finish by June. I will say this: If you were tweaking on 248 pages for seven years you need to learn to let go. I've written 300 pages since April.
As one writer to another, I feel you, dawg. I feel you right here. But I'm also here to tell you that sympathy fucks are the worst kind of sex. Fuckin' grab that thing by the throat and shake it 'til it sings. My wife's engagement ring was paid for with my first screenplay option. They'll never fucking take that away from me. The WGAw did a survey a few years back - how many screenplays did you write before you got your first option?
The average was seven.
You have no business expecting others to believe in you if you can't believe in yourself. Now go write another novel. Blood spilled on anonymous internet forums is creative energy WASTED.
There is some wonderful advice in there. Well said and well written. I'm not a writer but I think the advice transcends just writing.
I'm so glad most of hubski is not like you.
He is guy, you're girl. There is cultural difference here and you both should know about it because you should be able to write dialogue.
If you get insulted, you are insulted.
If a guy is insulted, he is insulted. But as much he is flattered about the fact that someone thought that he is strong enough to take such insults. (and you girls are supposed to be complicated...) He treated you as a guy, probably out of respect.
He does have a point. Very good point. But I don't think anything is wasted. Especially those seven years. You wrote a book, that's something. But even more, you learned a shit ton of stuff.
Now you could have linked us your book. Why didn't you? Honest question here. What do you have to loose? You could be getting huge amounts of free advertising to sell your next book if you would release the first one for free.
PS. I'm a guy too, forgive my possible harshness. It sits tight.
I'm no critic, so here's just my honest opinion from what I just read in your post.
You seem to try too hard. I'm a rap fan so I'll put it in those terms. There are things called punchlines in rap. You have verses and choruses, but then there are the lines that every has memorized, the line that a verse either built up to or that went perfectly with a change in the beat, the one that was so masterfully rhymed or was such a great metaphor that you remember it.
I think most great writers do this too. Words, words, words, punch. words, words, words, words, words, punch. Game of Thrones has chapters boring as shit, they lead up to the punch. Hemingway didn't make everything a metaphor or deep, he did so every little while and to great effect. Read the great speeches by Winston Churchill, Hitler, MLK, Gandhi, even Obama. Those lines with "punch" are used sparingly and very effectively. Churchill went on for like 10 minutes with a speech that would usually put an audience to sleep (but didn't, mostly because it was about the state of the war that just reached their doorstep) before the famous "We will fight them on the beeches..." part.
But reading what you just wrote, it seems like you've made the same mistake I've seen in many other aspiring writers work. Every line and paragraph is over-dramatic. You try to go too deep with everything, you try to make every word pack a punch. You do that and none pack anything, my mind just stops processing what your intended "deepness" was and becomes very aware of you trying to be deep.
"I fear that when I write, I uselessly speak to mute ashes"
What? This would pack some sort of punch if you talked of fire, flame, burning or anything before. Made some sort of leadup to it, some sort of culmination. Instead what you may have thought would be a profound line says absolutely nothing more profound than if you had simply said "I'm afraid I'm wasting my time".
I know I've said a lot based on little more than one thing you wrote, and not even one that was a poem or story, but it says a lot about your writing style
I'm not saying I agree with everything you said, but this is still another in a long line of excellent posts in this thread. Wonderful stuff, hubski at its best -- no link, no article to discuss, just a reflection that turned into something wonderful in the comments.
I understand that today most writers like words, words, words, punch. But if you notice the writers I listed as admiring, they all use the technique of weaving words so that each idea connects not with the next but with the one after. This is why you're getting such a smooth feeling and missing the punch. The point is the weave of it.
- I fear that when I write, I uselessly speak to mute ashes.
was woven with
- And so I may uselessly speak to mute ashes....
above it, which was woven with
- I arrive here, brother, at this miserable funeral,
Above that, which weaves into
- It matters none that I bleed, and read the blood profussed so wondrously by these writers long dead.
If read in the order of the original post, the interweavings gives not a punch but a dawning realization.
You've actually reiterated my frustration that people prefer to be punched than to sit and contemplate the dawn.
I understand your frustration with "people prefer to be punched than to sit and contemplate the dawn."
But those are few. They may be the few that OP has said has purchased her works. But if you want to make your work appeal to the many there are ways to do it, in my opinion. If you want to sell and appeal to the masses then you need to study the way that those who have done this, do this.
I never read a book once. Or watch a movie I know is deep once. I watch it and then go back knowing I missed something, not just in the plot but in the way the director portrayed something. I watched "New Jack City" again two nights ago, and noticed the link between how Ice T stopped that shaking, desperate crackhead from smoking and succumbing to his addiction again and they way the other cop stopped shaking, desperate Ice T from killing the drug don who also killed his mother.
But I understand that I'm among the minority to attempt to notice this, among the minority to bother watching a movie again to interpret its meaning rather than just to see it again.
I understand your frustration and I have to assure you that you need to swallow it and understand why it exists. I watched the movie with my cousin, he's got a LOT of problems going on right now, he doesn't have the liberty to analyse this movie, he's got other shit going on. Job problems, work problems, kid problems, wife problems. I can't expect him to "be punched than to sit and contemplate the dawn.".
He's not able to. Consider yourself blessed to be able to sit an analyse these things, to infer deeper meaning rather than to read as an escape from your life or as a distraction. If you want to sell, if you want to really make an impact in those who have too much on their plates, you need to condense and get your point across clearly and concisely. You need to "punch".
...
I'm pretty drunk at the moment so I apologize if If my post rambled or was incoherent at all
Baahaha that last part tickled me. Damn I want a beer now.
Yeah I see what you're saying. But there's something that's being left out: To stop writing the way I want to write, and to write for the masses is the same as wanting to be a stint driver and becoming a cabby instead. It's like wanting to sculpt marble but deciding that screwing together TVs instead is better because it's easier and pays more.
I'm sure you see my point. Know Max Brooks? World War Z? Zombie Survival Guide? I had the pleasure of shaking the man's hand and asking him a similar question. He told me, and I shall forever cherish these words, "Write how you think it should be written. Then you'll always have at least one fan." I'd rather die unread, holding true to that and to my hero, Bill Watterson, than to die on a bed of thousand dollar bills hating my own work.
(Also I'd like to not that this isn't a gender issue as was suggested by another commenter above.)
This sort of thing extends to music as well. Look at all the great composers of the past, and the great composers of today. Every single one of them has the tension release thing down. It's that punch that you're talking about with writing. You don't try to make everything crazy deep and intense, you build up the tension and release it, and that is an element common among all great music.
You're a writer.
I have often found it baffling that my friends and family were, at times, the hardest people to get to listen to the music I made. Strangers were more apt to listen and give feedback than people I've known for many years or even my whole life. I came to realize that some people get really uncomfortable being able to see that much of someone they know. Art opens a window into the mind (soul?) of the artist that friends/acquaintances don't want to look through. Plus, some people just don't get it and that's okay. That's why Harry Potter exists. Your audience may be decidedly smaller but if the work is good, they're out there.
I think I sold less than 100 of our last album, does that mean that I am not a musician? They can't take that from me. They're lack of listening doesn't mean a thing. Your novel is no less wonderful because it lacks readers. You wrote it because you had to. Write another and then another and don't bother with what to call yourself, just keep bleeding.
Btw, where can I read it?
- I have often found it baffling that my friends and family were, at times, the hardest people to get to listen to the music I made. Strangers were more apt to listen and give feedback than people I've known for many years or even my whole life.
Other side of the coin, I always find it much easier to share my writing, singing, whatever with strangers than with my friends.
(Also, I totally listened to your most recent album -- I think the one with "maps" in the name(?), not 100 percent sure -- and absolutely loved several of the tracks.)
Thanks, I really appreciate that. I feel like there is less "baggage" beyond the actual "art" itself with strangers. Your friends/family bring their own biases of you in to their interaction with your work.
Hey thenewgreen thanks for this. Sometimes all it takes is one kind word from a stranger to brighten someones day. Too often have I seen someone's work go without praise, without a thanks, without a word. So thank you. You have touched me, and hopefully touched one that I love. It frustrates me that she doesn't get praise, hasn't been recognized. She's pounded the pavement for years trying to get this published, but to no avail. Thank you again.
Also you can read it here:
http://www.amazon.com/Journey-of-the-Eumenides-ebook/dp/B007...
Thanks. Both of you.
And, oh I'll keep bleeding. Problem is I can't friggin stop!
Some people can't start and those that do often stop without cause, never to resume.
Wonderful post. Badged; 1000x if I could. You reminded me that writing is a lifestyle, not the means to an end. And you reminded me of high school Latin classes (apparently I'm an exception to your statement -- we read Catullus all the time, though generally his poems to Lesbia). Anyway, both happy reminders.
Damn right you're a writer, and I think you've found a good community for it. Welcome.
I...I'm honored. I didn't really know what I'd been given at first, but Duperz explained it fuller and all I can say is... I'm touched. Thank you. You all have made me feel very... warm. I hate to sound regurgitatingly melodramatic but I kinda needed some love. Some acceptance. Duperz is all I've had for a bit of a long time. Don't get me wrong, the man has moved mountains, but now all of you are helping him. So, thank you.
I never expected anything as heartwarming as all this. Thank you.
I think it's wort noting, I wrote the above during an emotional outpour, fully expecting it to be passed over. It is the unadulterated thoughts during a moment of pain and desperation, woven out instinctively into something resembling poetry.
I love writing, and I love the voice I write with.
Thank you so much, all of you who liked what I had to say and encouraged me along. I also appreciate those who tried to help by giving me suggestions on some drastic style changes. But this was more hopeful for the former than expectant of the latter. But more than that, it was simply meant to BE. it was a sudden profusion I felt compelled to share.
I appreciate that it was read so much and garnered so much discussion! This is indeed an incredibly interesting community.
No one knows Catullus' Carmina 101? Don't be so sure, my friend - that one is great. I'm also a huge fan of Catullus 85 - I've used it to describe my feelings towards Cleveland sports, which perhaps doesn't really do it justice, but as a largely non-romantic individual, it's about as close as I'll get.
Odi et amo. Quare id faciam fortasse requiris. Nescio. Sed fieri sentio. Et... excrucior.
God I love this poem. It defines the human nature perfectly.
I love and I hate. You may ask why I do this. I do not know. But I feel it to be done. And I am tormented
Even if relating to something seemingly simple, if it speaks to you all the way from the first century BC, then that is a feat worthy of note. I love that Catullus is still loved.
- I fear that when I write, I uselessly speak to mute ashes.
This is such a beautiful line, and this entire post is proof that you are, in fact, a writer. Popularity speaks nothing of content, simply look at the Billboard top 40 charts for music if you want proof of that. Sometimes the most talented artists are those that never sell enough to make ends meets, but stick with it because it is what they love. Popularity is based a lot around marketability and blind luck. But you seem to have a passion for this, and that is another thing that makes you a writer. Also, Annabel Lee is a beautiful poem, such mournful and somber imagery.
Yeah, I've always liked Annabel Lee too.... and the Raven.
Hi.
So I've been reading your post and the comments below and thinking about them quite a bit for the past couple of ours. Maybe that's weird. I don't know.
Anyway, I know you liked the encouragement more than the suggestions (though you'd prefer neither), and unfortunately what I'm going to post will be more of the latter (but I'll promise to try to be encouraging too).
Now please don't get offended. I don't mean to be mean when I say this: You sound pretentious. It's your first book, get over yourself.
I'm sorry. But I honestly think it's part of the problem. You think that you've created beautiful art, and that people don't like it because they can't appreciate beauty, they don't know how to "contemplate the dawn", and that your work is just too far above them for them to understand its genius. To understand your genius (because you read Shakespeare instead of Tolkien).
I think you're too proud to accept the fact that maybe your writing isn't good. You tell yourself that people don't appreciate good writing. But here's the thing, just because you like your writing doesn't mean it's good.
Now, to be clear, I'm not saying that your writing is awful, just that it might not be the greatness you expect it to be. I've read a bit of the sample of your book, and the main issue is the plot. Chapter 0 is just a bunch of elaborately descriptive fight scenes between nameless characters I don't care about. Chapter 1 starts with a fight between two nameless characters I don't care about. Oh, she can use fire.
I stopped there.
Here's what I've learned from my creative writing classes and listening to authors: Your first book will suck. Well, it probably will suck. In the same way I'm sure Michelangelo and Monet made a tons of shitty art before becoming the great artists that we know today.
You've only written one book. I know that's a huge milestone, but it's still just one book, and already you're expecting it to be literature. Your writing will probably develop. Your style will change, and you'll probably look back years from now and hate the way you wrote today.
What I want to tell you is that you need to keep writing. Don't spend 7 years on them, just start churning out books. They won't be great. And you shouldn't expect them to be. In time, they'll approve.
Have people read your books. Maybe not your friends, because they'll be afraid to tear it to shreds. Find people who will hate your book, who will tell you everything that's wrong with it, so that you can make it better. Take their criticisms and learn from them.
I think a lot of issues with new writers nowadays is that they want their work to be wholly their own. But you have to be open to collaboration. You have to be willing to let go of some things that just don't work, despite how much you might want them to.
I guess my main point is that you need to stop believing your work is great because then you won't try to improve. It takes so much more to write than just simply bleeding.
Hey, neversparks.
I see what you're saying, but I think you're getting the same misunderstanding that the other 'critics' got. I never claimed my first novel was fantastic and should have been a best seller. I stated my frustration over my friends not knowing what's supportive to a writer with the example of my book. The length it took was to show that the people close to me should appreciate the effort enough to look at it, something I wouldn't expect from regular readers. Also, I didn't mention this above, but they were the ones to instill that expectation in me.
The authors mentioned and the statements over weaving verses punching and dawn verses ...uh...rap? ...is a statement on style. There's no point in telling an author to switch their style because it doesn't please everyone. It never will, and you can see below, it pleases many. It's not pretentious, it's about the very frustration all artists go through.
If you didn't expect to succeed, it's still no easier to see yourself fail.
The work wasn't a cry for help. I know what works as much as the next author, I just chose a path less traveled. And it's still beautiful nonetheless.
I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the first bit of my book. I never expected to draw in %100 of readers, and it certainly sounds from your stopping point you weren't expecting it to be high fantasy. You might try reading it for fun as opposed to actively looking to form an opinion. You might find the journey-so to speak-is a bit more interesting that way.
- I wrote hard, and I created beautiful art.
Beautiful art that took seven years to perfect. Beautiful art that sold less than 100 copies. That brought me enough money to fill my tank. Once.
Also, I wasn't so much suggesting that you change your style, rather that you shouldn't adhere to strongly to your current style because styles tend to develop as we write more. (I wasn't in any way suggesting that you should have punches. It's a novel, not a rap or a speech.)
Which is why I brought up the time. I think it's better to write more than it is to keep editing and working on something we've already written. I think it's good to set something down for a little while and let it marinate before working on it again, when you can approach it more objectively and you're not as stuck on certain ideas that you had.
Of course, you're free to think differently.
I think I was just trying to say that you should keep writing, be open to what everyone says, always look for ways to improve, and don't place too many expectations on what you make.
If you don't expect your work to be the best, then you haven't failed yet - it's still a work-in-progress.
I know that fear. It's what stops most of us. The only way I've found to overcome it is to write it for no one besides myself. When I write for others, I tend to throw it in the trash because it's obvious no one will like it. When I write thinking it's only for me, afterwards I realize I've done my best work.
I don't know what will work for you, but I suggest just having some fun with writing. It's much more fun as a hobby than a job.
- So it takes nothing to write--nothing but spilling your own blood for all to judge.
Isn't that what all art is? When one takes a solo, or picks up a paintbrush, or (like yourself) sits at a typewriter. And it takes so much courage. To wear your emotions on your sleeves. The nice thing about it though is that only those who truly speak the same language know what you're saying so not too many can judge. Regardless though, bleed in such a way that the blood spills everywhere and others can see your hard work.
May I ask, what's the title of your novel? I'm no expert on writing but if it's written with the same passion as this post, I'd most definitely buy it.
I wholeheartedly agree. This quote defines not writing, but art. That is actually the title I've been cuddling to myself: I am an "artist." But it's hard to say to others because it brings the instant image of oil painting, Michelangelo, adorable fat cherubs.
The title is Journey of the Eumenides. Duperz linked it above, but here it is so you don't have to search. http://www.amazon.com/Journey-of-the-Eumenides-ebook/dp/B007...
I hesitate to encourage you to buy, since it isn't written with the same voice as my philosophical meandering thoughts above. Same passion yes. But a different read altogether. But judge for yourself. The free sample section is quite long.
Haha you do have a point. Then don't say you're an artist. Tell others you love what you do. There's an incredible Alan Watts quote on the topic:
"If you say that getting the money is the most important thing, you will spend your life completely wasting your time. You'll be doing things you don't like doing in order to go on living. That is, to go on doing things you don't like doing, which is stupid! Better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing than a long life spent in a miserable way. And after all, if you do really like what you're doing, it doesn't matter what it is. You can eventually become a master of it."
That gets me through when I feel times are rough.
2.99 is a steal. Bought it.
Sometimes I describe myself as a professional comedian.
Many years ago, I did a bit of open mic. I was pretty good at it, and got given a paid gig as a warm-up to a "real" comedian. That was the only time I've ever been employed as a comedian. The one time I ever got paid for it.
It's not that I didn't like it - it was fun. And I'm sure I could have done more. But my interests are diverse and my life is busy, so I moved on. A little while later, a friend of mine had her first novel published, and started describing herself as a professional author. I joked that I must then be a professional comedian.
Maybe I'll do it again, one of these years. I enjoyed doing it, and I'd enjoy it again. But right now I'm busy with other things: my "day job", running a non-profit, volunteer work, a couple of courses, and - when I find the time - a spot of paramotoring. But everything changes, and perhaps someday I'll find myself on stage again ("the one guy in the room that's not laughing", as I've described it before).
Was I a successful comedian? No. If I'd have been doing that paid gig over and over, 36 hours a week, I still wouldn't earn as much money as I do now (and when would I find time to write new material). But success is what you make it. For me, all I needed was to once be a "professional comedian", and to know that I could go down that road again.
Everybody at that gig thought that I was there for them. But I wasn't. I was there for me.