Why does pepperoni curl? To get swole, nerds.
I love that the basic thesis of this article is that all customary advances in practice and preparation are an affront to good taste, and that as always, if you so much as express mild favor towards any pizza created further than a half hour's drive from Manhattan you are a savage who shall never be allowed to comment on food again.
What's the phrase? "bad pizza is like bad sex even at its absolute worst it's pretty goddamn good?" The thing of it is, NY and Chicago are irrationally proud of their pizza. There's a real foodie fundamentalism about it that's just weird - I mean, they eat their chili on spaghetti in Cincinnati but they don't pretend it's the only way to eat chili. If you're going to be fundie about it, look to the calzone. They only really work one way. I would argue that the pizza you get by unfolding a calzone flat is basically protomethian American pizza - it's the variation with the most utility, the broadest reach and the largest adoption. But I'm also known to argue that sushi as we know it post-dates refrigeration.
Serious Eats pomposity is always worth a share, I think. Pepperoni curl is important!