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comment by user-inactivated
user-inactivated  ·  1511 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Hubski: I hate to toot my own horn, but . . .

How do I click the share button twice?

Love. It. I’m curious about the how-to-apologize section... and was that some Marshall Rosenberg Non-Violent Communication I was picking up on?!





lil  ·  1511 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thank you for your comments. Thank you everyone.

I'm pretty sure I published my "how-to-apologize" stuff here on hubski FIRST -- as all my good stuff shows up here first.

Found it: Here's a really early version of the how-to-apologize instructions and some very insightful comments from kleinbl00 and others on that thread. The example posted then was a personal one. The one in the binder deals with conflicts occurring in teamwork/classwork.

user-inactivated  ·  1508 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Ask what you can do to build trust: "Is there anything I can do to show you I'm really sorry about blowing up."

4a. is a favorite of mine I haven’t got to use. It shows you want to understand how to make it right by them on their terms (assuming it is something I’m willing and able to do).

One theme hinted at in that Hubski thread is ‘an apology is a change of behavior.’ Verbally stating the apology is just the beginning of ‘this is what I will do differently.’

Thanks for digging up that thread.

lil  ·  1508 days ago  ·  link  ·  

The archive system here is great.

That example there in the blog, about someone being an asshole in the car and blowing up was the apology that I wished for but never got.

Luckily, that 22-year relationship is over, and I got the Prius.

user-inactivated  ·  1508 days ago  ·  link  ·  
This comment has been deleted.
lil  ·  1511 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yes - you picked up on some NVC -- When this happens, I feel this, because I need this. -- My student should have owned his feelings more directly and said, "I feel" instead of "it makes me feel," which is a little blamey - but the message was clear enough. Our own thoughts and hopes and expectations and assumptions make us feel things -- These needs and feelings are sparked by the actions and behaviours of other, but not caused by others.

Cumol  ·  1511 days ago  ·  link  ·  

But what do I do when I don't know what I am feeling?

user-inactivated  ·  1508 days ago  ·  link  ·  
lil  ·  1508 days ago  ·  link  ·  

perfect kantos: the inventory of feelings. I give that to my students to help them develop a vocabulary of feelings beyond the Seseme Street ones (mad, bad, sad, glad).

user-inactivated  ·  1507 days ago  ·  link  ·  

It's wonderful for dialogues as well. :)

lil  ·  1511 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Can you at least tell when you feel generally satisfied or generally dissatisfied?