so I touched on it really briefly last week but I am currently in the process of pursuing Baby's First Protective Order. Long story short, my estranged ex who I literally have not spoken to since I was in high school (because it was a high school relationship) went to my parents' house and got my dad to address and mail a birthday card to me because he "never forgets my birthday" and it's been 10 fucking years since we met in 2006. He then took to all forms of social media that I hadn't yet blocked him on (mostly accounts I didn't know he had) to try and direct my attention to my deviantart (lmao) account which hasn't been touched in at least 4 years. He went through and wrote a fucking novella about how he still loves me and I"m like that's cool you literally abused me for 2 years of my life and have unmanaged psychosis and I moved away and have a 100% new life now???? So I saved all the evidence and have it printed out as well as a MOSAIC assessment to take to the DV intake center here whenever I can actually make it there during business hours. I don't know if the protective order would actually stop him from doing anything if he did get it in his head to try and find me in person, I'd have the police record. Part of me oscillates between this being fucking scary and life threatening and it being really pathetic. So that's that.
Protective orders give police the opportunity to address the fucked-up bullshit your ex does, should he decide to threaten you. They're basically a notice saying "heads up, cops, this guy is crazy and I think he might do me harm" which allows them to go "huh. Says here that she thinks you might do her harm and lookitthat! here you are, making every motion as if she's right! Into the car we go, chap!" You're white, college-educated, young and female. Your friendly neighborhood constabulary will likely hop-to should anything go wrong. That's the point of a protective order. results will vary for minorities and the economically-disadvantaged
that's why i'm pursuing it. i want to flag this freaky shit before it gets worse.
who fucking knows. i don't know why he thought it was at all appropriate and he's lucky it was my dad who answered the door because my mom would have eviscerated him. he got my mom's hackles up the minute she met him and then had to watch me date him for ~2 years until she paid the phone company to block his phone number when he went to college. best thing she's ever done for me tbh and of course i railed against how she doesn't understand and we're in love blah blah blah. the distance gave me time to realize that what happened was fucked up. my dad has asperger's so he just didn't see any reason why sending me a birthday card would be inappropriate. so.
Oh. I assumed your ex is a she. Apologies. He abuses you and then sees nothing wrong with reminding you of himself? That's so fucked up. I wonder now why the hell is your mother with your father. She sounds like a woman who's not only willing but ready to take measures to protect her child - which is but laudable - but then, hearing about your father...my dad has asperger's so he just didn't see any reason why sending me a birthday card would be inappropriate.
Oh it's the psychosis. It makes him play it all down. I ask that question a lot too but it's because my mom is super tightly wound and my dad isn't and I'm just curious how they didn't drive each other crazy and break up, especially raising 2 kids. he's a good guy, very smart and kind, he just... doesn't get why this was the wrong thing to do. i also didn't really open up to him about what happened (i didn't to my mom either but she found my tumblr when i had a breakdown in college and realized that i needed some help with my anxiety re: the abuse). and that's not his fault. but I still want to shake him and be like WHY