Sorry! I know you guys don't like trash accounts but I'm new to hubski and this shouldn't be the first thing you know about me. Also, you're not going to like what I have to say and I don't want it held against me later. I have a son with my husband and I am thinking about cheating. I'm not here for your support or your moral objections, but to shed light on your question from my standpoint as the parent. My son is 5 and I have been married for 10 years. My marriage is not full of hate, but it isn't full of love anymore either. My husband and I have drifted apart for the last few years for no good reason other than that he is not fulfilled with his career and though he won't say it I think he resents me for it. He has followed my career as I make more money and so we have moved a lot. That got in the way of him finishing school, though he could have if he really wanted to. He waited tables and bartended a few places, but honestly I don't have a problem with him not working in the same way I do. I like it, but I understand why many others wouldn't like my work. When I had our son, I took maternity leave for a month and then went back to work. He stayed home with our son and has been an excellent father to him. He plays with him during the day and takes him places. He teaches him things and though there are some days where I come home and nothing has been done around the house and they've just been watching TV all day, those days are few enough that I really respect how he runs the house when I'm gone. But getting him into bed is hard. I don't know if he feels emasculated by me because of our financial relationship, but I'm not dominating in our relationship, even in the bedroom. I honestly think that I just need sex in a way that he doesn't and it's a huge mismatch between us. It didn't used to be that way even years into our marriage, but now I just need some passion and the spark is gone with us. I miss getting hit on and bought drinks and being treated like something that was worth chasing. Now it's completely a physical thing and I don't feel wanted anymore. How much of my life and I supposed to spend sexless? I'm going to cheat on him because it will be exciting. I won't tell him, and he won't find out. The rest of our marriage is great, but there is a huge fault in sex department. For those of you that ask why don't I just leave? I don't want to lose my son, and I don't want to pay alimony and child support. I have looked into it and if I divorce my husband, I will pay him to live off of me for the rest of my life. I will also pay him to raise my son away from me. I work more than he does and our son has a better relationship with him. He will get primary custody. I'm not a bad mom though I'm sure some of you will think I'm being selfish. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life unhappy in a huge part of being human. Maybe I'll get it out of my system. Maybe I'll do it forever. I don't know, but I know that I'm hot and worth being wanted. I wanted him first but he doesn't reciprocate and so I'm going elsewhere.
I know many women who are in marriages where the husband eventually stopped putting out. I know a few men who's wives stopped sleeping with them after the baby. It seems like an upsetting and frustrating place to be in. I'm not at all critical of your decision, but sounds like you are readying yourself to spend the rest of your life together, maybe go see a relationship councilor and see if you can rekindle that spark, otherwise it's going to be hard to do that time.
Have you talked to your husband about the mismatch in your libidos? Mismatched libidos are not uncommon, nor are they easy to solve, but they can be worked through if both parties are willing to do so. It sounds like a relationship or sexual therapist might be very useful for you both, if you're able to get one. EDIT: You might find this Reddit comment worth reading.
I wasn't expecting to say this when I started reading your post, but go for it. Life is complicated and sometimes we have to do things we wouldn't normally do/don't morally condone because some situations are genuinely complicated and the alternative is worse than what you plan on doing. So good luck, and don't get caught because that will just cause a huge mess of things.
I did. It was excellent. Thanks for your encouragement.
Before this whole ordeal I was very black and white about how cheating is wrong and one should just leave if he or she intended to cheat. After hearing the reason my father cheated (he was angry about finding out he at the time was the other man and my mom had a boyfriend in a different country) I realized some people just have to do it. It doesn't make the action any better, but it makes it a lot more understandable and I see where you're coming from.
A few questions come to mind. None is a judgement; I'm genuinely curious. Do you think that things could have turned out differently if you would have communicated more fully, or in a different way? Do you think it could get better going forward if each of you expressed yourselves better? How do you think you would react if you found out he was sleeping with someone else?
I don't know how much better everything could be expressed. We can't just pretend that every marriage is fixable to be some dreamy life partnership where everyone gets exactly what they want. Some of them are just mistakes that you couldn't have seen coming. Sometimes you just end up with someone who you don't get everything you need from and I don't think it's fair that we expect marriages to function like that. I don't want an affair. I just want to go get laid. I already get the emotional support that I need from my marriage. I don't get other things. I want those other things. If he was sleeping with someone else I would be so angry, but it wouldn't be because he slept with someone else. It would be because he slept with someone else instead of sleeping with me. It's not like he has this exceptionally huge sexual appetite that I'm not satisfying. So if he cheated on me, I would be mad at him for denying me sex while giving it to himself. I don't think he will cheat though aside from the inherent lack of sexual appetite. If I'm thinking about our kid and divorce, I know that he is, and he wouldn't want to weaken his case for the lion's share of custody by cheating and getting caught.
I know the feeling. I had an ex whom I wasn't always faithful to for similar reasons. She always told me she didn't know what was wrong, but that she just wasn't that interested. You can imagine how pissed I was when I found out she was banging everyone but me! Can't say I've ever been that mad about anything. In the end, I think everyone is interested in sex, but not everyone is interested in sex with you. It's personal, no matter what the other person says. My situation was a lot simpler, because it's easy to kick someone out when you're not married and lack children. Yours is much more complex. Best of luck.