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Gender impacts dining
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forwardslash · 4704 days ago · link ·
I notice this too, usually because my fiancée pays for most of our outings at the moment (I'm in school). We were at a sports bar the other night and when she went to pay the bill they asked her, "So, split bills?"
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i was in a relationship where I paid for almost every outing, and that happened ALL THE FREAKING TIME. I can't blame individual servers for it, though, because I'm pretty sure the most likely candidate to take it out of their tip would be a misguided, insecure "alpha male" insulted by NOT having the check given directly to him. I just rolled my eyes and took it from my then-boyfriend, or handed him my card and let him fill it out.
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sounds_sound · 4703 days ago · link ·
I was a server for 5 years or so myself. I always put the bill in the center of the table UNLESS someone had graciously presented themselves as the host during the course of the evening. 99% of the time that person was a man. I don't blame servers for presumably handing the bill to the man, I just think they're bad servers :) P.s. I would also serve women first, without exception. Is that sexist - or chivalrous?
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newgameplus · 4703 days ago · link ·
- Is that sexist - or chivalrous?
What's the difference?
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thenewgreen · 4703 days ago · link ·
Allow me to chime in as a former server myself. It's neither chivalrous nor sexist, it's simply proper etiquette. The same goes for serving the oldest person at the table first, it's not age discrimination... It's just proper etiquette.
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sounds_sound · 4703 days ago · link ·
Now you're just talking semantics. Of course it's chivalrous. I think age is a different category. Elderness is something you earn. A vagina is not.
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thenewgreen · 4703 days ago · link ·
Blurted out laughter at my table for 1 in the Mellow Mushroom.
If it's semantics then my votes for chivalry.
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sounds_sound · 4703 days ago · link ·
Of course I'm just playing devils advocate with all of this. It's an interesting topic for me and I'm not dumb enough to get into it with most people. For the record, I totally agree with you - my vote's for chivalry. That's a real man's answer. There's really no need to intellectualize it. Why? Because. That's why.
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Ha, you need a GF like me 4-5 years ago, you mean. I'm over the phase where I thought that in order to be a "real" feminist, I had to be fine with my partner staying at home even though we didn't have children or own a home or otherwise have obligations that would require one person to stay at home to manage them. Try dating an insecure feminist who's making good money for the first time in her life.
(Happy ending to the story: Broke up with lazy stay-at-home boyfriend, which motivated him to get treatment for the depression and paranoia that had been keeping him from working. He quickly got a job and went back to school. We remain friends, and my only real complaint about the friendship is that he keeps calling me "honey." I'm now dating someone in my own tax bracket who agrees with my philosophy that couples should split agreed-upon joint expenses on a ratio approximately identical to their income ratio.)
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clairewalsh · 4703 days ago · link ·
Good for you! It is a learning experience to work out how to fit feminism into life properly without being used by an opportunist.