Fathers Day is coming up and I was thinking about dads. Literally, the last thing my dad said to me was "Fuck you," and not in a joking way so I don't know a lot about effective paternal parenting. And God willing I'll never have to tease out those qualities from Who's the Boss? episodes and Family Circus with my own kids who I have no business having.
What's hard about being a dad? What's uniquely rewarding? I don't really care how you interpret the question. I'm gonna leave it vague.
It means responsibility, a lot of it. It is the most important thing that I am. It brings me a lot of joy. Tonight I'll be away when my daughter goes to sleep. I left a flower in a vase on my daughter's dresser with a note letting her know I loved her. She's four years old and will likely not remember this act twenty years from now. I definitely make mistakes though. I just hope all the moments that are positive for them outweigh the negative.
That's a lovely gesture. She might not remember it in 20 years, but she'll remember it tomorrow. From reading your posts, you seem like a genuinely good person. I don't think you need to worry too much about your mistakes.
To me it means immortality. My kids are going to live on, shaped in a large part by me. I see a lot of myself in my kids, and it makes me proud. My kids' accomplishments are my accomplishments, and that is awesome. My 15 year-old son is now taller than me, and that makes me feel good. To think that my children's accomplishments may outstrip my own is just the greatest thought of all. The mistakes are hard. Finding the right level of toughness/strictness while leaving lots of room for growth and freedom is a hard balance to find. I tend to err on the side of being too lax, compensated for by their mother's tendency to be too strict. Somehow, they're turning out ok. Better than ok. I'm separated right now and so I don't see them on a daily basis, and that's hard. I'm missing the small day-to-day interactions and I worry about how that will affect them, and me, long-term. It is what it is and I try to be the best dad I can regardless. My dad left when I was 17 and I hardly saw him afterwards. I think that's too bad. I think we could have been good friends. I don't want to lose close contact with my kids, and the awareness of my experience helps shape my decisions. It's a mixed blessing. All 3 are teens now. I'm waiting for the time one of them tells me to fuck off. It's bound to happen and it won't feel too good.
I'm not a dad, hell I'm not even a male but I know that being a father is far more than being the biological parent. It's about responsibility and love, tough love and wanting the best for your child. I did not grow up with my father but my grandfather, he was the most caring man I've ever known and loved us all so much, I even took to calling him dad along with my mother and aunt. I eventually found my real father, he'd moved on and created his own life and I have multiple other sisters. I do love him and I really don't blame him for anything, I just want to spend time with him but he wants to play video games all the time after work till he goes to bed. Sometimes I wake up from a dream where I hug him and I just miss him, he however is afraid I'll go after him for back child support and that I just want his money, because of this he never sends me anything during holidays or my birthday or spends anymore than necessary on me Money isn't important to children, beyond basic care. It's love and time.
Observing my dad as I was growing up, I think there were two big things I learned from him. One when I was a child, another when I was an adult. When I was a kid, I saw that my dad had power, and he used in a specific way. He is a very gifted man in specific ways. And my dad tried to use that power to serve other people when he could, and to protect us as a family. He almost never used that power just to serve himself; it was a tool he used to help other people. The other thing I learned from my dad, once I was an adult, is that you're never to old to evaluate who you are, and how you can improve yourself. I've gotten to watch my parents grow and reconcile with each other in really incredible ways the last few years. It's so important to stay humble and open to what those close to you say you might need to change.