"Can I get you another drink?" "Actually, I'd like an IPA." I hear actually used in this manner every time I work. If I'm helping someone and they drop a useless "Actually" I'll hear a coworker guffaw cause they know how bad it gets under my skin. I don't know if it's a regional disease or if it's spreading throughout the western world like wild fire but it's been pickup up it's pace in the past few years. I used to only hear it once in a while but now it's at least once a day if not half a dozen. I want to say "Actually an IPA is a beer you dumb bastard". "What'll ya have?" "I'll do a highlife." You don't do beer, or whiskey, you drink it. You can do cocaine or heroin but you just drink a beer. When I get the "Actually, I'll do a" for the fourth or fifth time in a day I usually can help but give a snort of laughter. I don't know why it's so hard for people to say "may I have a." Not everyone notices manners but the people who do really notice. It takes no more effort to ask with courtesy than it does with a "actually I'll do a" but it might get you better pour or some other courtesy that is within my power. I try and buy every regular who uses gentle courtesy or a drink at least once a year, it's something I appreciate. I doesn't bother me if you don't have good manners just don't drop an "Actually I'll do a" on me.
I bristle EVERY time I'm in a restaurant or bar and some one says "I need a___" or "gimme a___" Without exception I use the phrase "May I please have ___" I haven't worked in food service or bars for a few years, but I think it's just common courtesy. You don't "need" a beer/burrito/burger… you would like one. And yes, it is the bartender/server's job to supply that item you want, but that doesn't remove basic courtesy from the equation.I don't know why it's so hard for people to say "may I have a."
People who have never worked in a bar do not understand that when there are lots of people, the bartender chooses who goes next. The bartender also chooses who gets how much alcohol. People who have never worked in a bar do not understand that there is zero upside to being on the bartender's bad side and zero downside to being on the bartender's good side. The more you understand that you are a supplicant at the Church of Ethanol and that the priest may grant you boons if you demonstrate your worthiness. Don't want to put up with that shit? Then why the fuck are you standing around in a loud stinky place paying $11 a shot for fucking Maker's Mark?
As a bartender I really want everyone to be part of the party. I also try to be inclusive to everyone who is a part of the neighborhood. I know all the bums and if they can scrape up $2.50 I'm going to serve them as long as they don't ask anyone for money (I'll even feed them if they are totally down and out once in a while). New strange regular is a guy dressed like Stevie Ray Vaughn who says he used to play guitar for Ozzy, talks to himself the whole time he is drinking but as long as he doesn't scream to himself he can have a drink. If someone is a creep or is rude than they should stick to beer. If they are creepy or rude enough they can get the fuck out. I honestly don't feel like entitled to a tip. If you are rude and don't tip I guess I let my "not entitled to a tip" ethic slide a bit. By rude I don't mean not polite, I mean rude (yelling your order at me when I'm helping someone else, leering at the ladies, butting into other peoples conversations, trying to dominate my time, ect). I think part of the reason people come to the bar I work at is it's in a "bad" part of town and it's a bit titillating for them. I'm pretty sure that some people tell their friends that they went there and drank with a bunch of black people (this town is that fucking white). Having a few neighborhood weirdo's doesn't really disturb the ambiance and the people from the neighborhood realize that these are just their neighbors, bums freaks and all. So anyway, tolerating a few lousy no tipping weirdo customers brings the owners a few extra bucks and is really no skin off my back. But it's so true, you want the bartender to be on your side. You'll get hooked up, they'll have your back if some stupid shit goes down, you'll meet other people that you probably wanted to get to know through them.
Is this not a sentiment to apply throughout life and all you happen to meet? I've never worked in a bar, but that doesn't mean that I suddenly drop all traces of conscientiousness and respect as soon as I want a beer from someone. I don't think it's about haven't worked behind a bar, it's more a reflection of the person's demeanor in general. Sure, if they did go on to work behind a bar they'd perhaps change, but that shouldn't be a necessary 'initiation' to practicing respectful human interaction.People who have never worked in a bar do not understand that there is zero upside to being on the bartender's bad side and zero downside to being on the bartender's good side
Thanks, that's a nice read. I might print off a copy of those rules. In a way, they're kind of an extension of the 'Four-Way Test'.
I don't even need that please, "may I have ____" is courtesy enough. I'm off the grammar track and on the manners train. It take no more effort to use good manners and it does so much to smooth ones way. I know a guy who was under qualified for a pretty lucrative serving job. At the end of the interview he was told that his lack of experience probably meant he wouldn't get the gig. When it was over he smiled, shook the hand of the interviewer and thanked him for the chance to come in and pushed in his chair in on the way out, guy beat out four more experienced candidates. Some people wonder why they have it so hard and I suppose it's their parents fault but rudely bumbling your way through life must be a bummer. Here is another one that I'm some times guilty of but I'm trying to shed. When someone says "thank you" don't say "thank you" back or "no, thank you." Just say "you are welcome". The thank you battle looks a lot like manners but it's one-upmanship subtext is not gracious. At work, I cash someone out and they thank me it's easy to give the, "no, thank you," but much better is "your welcome, I appreciate you guys coming in tonight." Your welcome is always the appropriate response to thank you, if you want to reciprocate get the welcome out of the way first. One other thing. People need to stop fighting over who pays the bill. If someone has card in hand and wants to pick up the tab, don't get in an argument over it. Thank them, and if it was really appreciated do something nice for them in the future, send a note, buy them a coffee or a pastry, pick up dinner next time. The bill fight pretty much takes all the grace out of a generous action.