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comment by user-inactivated
user-inactivated  ·  3654 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: November 26, 2014

This past Saturday I went on my second ever okcupid date, after talking online for a week. We met up at a pho place pretty near where we both live. We had a lot of stuff in common and mutual interests and things were going well. It turned out we actually went to the same small college together for a short time, and knew a couple people in common. After dinner, she asked if I wanted to grab a beer at a place down the street, which I gladly said yes to. We got a couple beers, talked some more, listened to the jazz band that was playing. Definitely having a fun time. Then we left and she had a cigarette outside (didn't realize she smoked until this point, but doesn't matter much to me). She asked if I wanted to come back to her place which was a few blocks away to listen to some music she had been telling me about, and I said definitely. We got in my car and drove over, and we listened to some music on her record player and played this weird chess game that she was into for an hour or two. Her roommate got home and she asked if I wanted to go up to her room to "watch a movie" that she had been telling me about.

I should mention at this point that neither of us had listed on our profiles that we were looking for casual sex or anything like that - the date was just going well and we were both going with the flow. So we went upstairs and so on and so forth. I left in the morning, and didn't talk to her at all on Sunday, then texted her on Monday afternoon asking how a band was that she saw on Sunday evening. She replied "It was good. Hey, I think you're a cool guy but I realized after Saturday night that I am so not in a good place to date right now. Thanks for hanging out!", to which I replied "That's cool, thanks for being straightforward about it. I had a good time either way!" Her OKC profile was deactivated shortly thereafter.

I have no idea how to feel about it. We both definitely had a good time, and if she genuinely just realized that she's not in a good place to date, that's obviously totally cool. But her text was completely unexpected considering how well the date went, so I have no idea if I said or did something stupid.

I also realize that I shouldn't give a shit so much about a first date, but it was the first time in the year since my last relationship ended that I had a good date and made a connection with someone, so it just feels kinda shitty :(





_refugee_  ·  3654 days ago  ·  link  ·  

She didn't intend to have sex with you and now, having had sex with you, regrets it, and as such as decided to not see you again to save face.

Just my $.02.

user-inactivated  ·  3654 days ago  ·  link  ·  

That's probably the most likely explanation. She was the one that prompted all of the continuations of the date, so I wasn't sure. I'm still bummed.

_refugee_  ·  3654 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah, I saw that. If it helps, it's probably more of an issue with her and what she chose to do, not you really. Was she drinking? She may have gotten overconfident on her alcohol.

At any rate, yeah - it is bummy and annoying. Unfortunately, it can be hard to figure out what you are ready for in the dating world until you experience things and realize, whatever you are ready for, it's not that.

user-inactivated  ·  3654 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Was she drinking? She may have gotten overconfident on her alcohol.

That definitely could've been part of it. We had a couple beers each at the bar, and then a couple whiskey cokes at her place. Not drunk but definitely drinking.

Ah, well.

sounds_sound  ·  3654 days ago  ·  link  ·  

All of what the fugee is saying makes complete sense from a female perspective. I wouldn't have even considered the possibility that she doesn't want to see you again just because she slept with you. Anyway, that shouldn't really matter to you. If you really liked the date and want to see her again then I would try to communicate that because it would be doing yourself a disservice if you didn't. If you want it, you gotta keep going for it. Maybe say something like "Hey. Just thought I'd let you know that I really enjoyed your company and would be down with hanging out again if you're ever feeling bored." Just a thought.

user-inactivated  ·  3653 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah?

I'm glad you said that because I definitely would like to ask her to get together again. I guess I'm just having reservations because I don't wanna come off as creepy or pushy since we barely know each other. But your message doesn't seem pushy. I think maybe I'll wait till next week and then send something like that. I appreciate the advice!