Had some major setbacks this past weekend but things continue to move forward I guess. Planning a large concert next month and prepping for an interview or two. I'm also sitting in biochem right now, which is easily my favorite course this semester.
Back story: We had a party this past weekend. Too many people have been making me anxious lately. Was going fine but I somehow ended up in a conversation with a group involving an x where she brought up how she wasn't interested in a person who asked her out and was interested in someone else which was a really weird thing for me to be involved with. Then later I ended up in a really bad conversation with someone else where I strained no fewer than two relationships, left my own apartment for the night, almost hurt myself, and emailed the therapist to tell him I wouldn't be returning to group sessions and asking about 1on1 or resources in the area for that. Maybe this last thing was a bit unreasonable. Things haven't really got better though. He has not yet returned my email.
When I went to the school shrink in undergrad they basically were like "your issues sound like they are outside of the scope of what we can do" and referred me to outside counsel. It's very possible they can at least point you in the right direction and I hope they do so.
Hopefully he emails me back. I only went to two sessions, but it became very clear to me that positive psychology would only treat the symptoms, not the problems, and even that was pushing it. This was Sunday morning when I reached out to him. I don't want to call or go back there and have to explain all this. So now I'm just sitting on Hubski, trying to make a decision on doing something, anything, to get me out of here. I'd love to go running but I've had about 1200 calories today so 3 miles is probably a bad idea. Edit: The first paragraph also defeats the entire fucking purpose of me going here, which is that I can't afford to drop $50 a session elsewhere, and I don't want my family finding out which is what will happen if this goes through any sort of healthcare since I'm on my families plan. I'm so mad just thinking about either of those things when I pay so much money to go here.
1) Some shrinks will let you pay on a sliding scale dependent upon your income level, etc. I don't know how common this is but it is something to try and pursue if it's possible. You can disclose that you don't have familial support and they might be able to knock it down to $20 or something. I also once had one who would be flexible about when I paid - she would rather me come at all than have me not come simply because I couldn't pay for that meeting that day. 2) Yeah. I tried out a shrink once who was all about positive affirmations. That was her big/first/main proposed "solution." I did not stay with her long. I agree that positive self-talk is good but negative self-talk was not the root of my issues.
1) That's good to know but also sounds like a lot of work just to maybe possibly go see someone and then still pay 1/2 my weekly income which puts a damper on groceries and the gas to actually get to and from. 2) Yeah except a good deal of my problems are from negative self-talk as a result of a lot of different things but I really, really don't buy into positive affirmations and don't think that a group therapy session is the way to get me to even start to consider them.
I think we are basically in agreement about part 2: the negative self-talk stems from deeper issues which must be resolved, simply reversing the self-talk is in a way just not lying/communicating with the self emotions and feelings and beliefs which are there whether or not one looks in the mirror and says "I am a good person of value" 15 times a day. In a way the proscribed positive self-talk actually covers up the problems that need solving because it's a superficial solution to a deeper problem.