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comment by user-inactivated
user-inactivated  ·  3714 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: I'm the Duke University Freshman Porn Star and for the First Time I'm Telling the Story in my Words

    Look at how the double standard between guys who have a lot of sex and girls who have a lot of sex. In general, one is highly regarded and the other is disparaged. Men are allowed to have as many partners as they want with impunity, but women are subjected to being derided or looked down upon for the same thing.

Is it weird that I almost think the opposite? In my opinion, in the 21st century men almost have a sort of responsibility not to sleep around because there exists a stereotype and we should subvert it. I respect the hell out of guys who are in long stable relationships, or at least I don't disrespect them because they aren't sleeping with tons of people all the time. Not to say I judge anyone for the amount of sex they have, because there's not "only so much sex in any one" man (my favorite bit of the article; spot on).

And then on the flip side after examining what I think about all this I find that I sort of respect girls who sleep around a lot. Same reason -- they're refusing to let societal stereotypes dictate their actions. So it leads to an odd reversal of the double standard.

I'm drunk and rambling a bit, but still. I'm never sure what to say when I encounter the idea that you mention -- slut shaming vs. male non-slut shaming. Kind of, "what the hell?" Obviously a real thing but oughtn't we be getting to a more enlightened place soon?





_refugee_  ·  3712 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    find that I sort of respect girls who sleep around a lot

I think that if you are a girl, and you like sex, and you don't mind or even like having multiple partners, it can be hard to deal with society's opinion of this. As a result I can understand why you might feel respect for those girls. It's hard to face up to societal expectations, which often manifest in people's opinions and very vocal ones at that, and say "So what? This is who I am and what I like." Often, you have to do that sort of thing continuously.

I feel like those girls who manage to do both (have lots of sex with multiple partners enjoyable, and bite their thumb at society at the same time) are strong women. They've decided or found out what they like and even though society is going to give them a hard time for it, fuck society. And good for them for feeling comfortable being themselves - or, more accurately, making the world deal with who they are as people and not letting themselves get browbeaten into "safe" stereotypes.

kleinbl00  ·  3712 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I think either gender faces sanctions when they flaunt their digressions from the norm. It isn't women who have a lot of sex with multiple partners that face blowback; it's women that visibly have a lot of sex with multiple partners. And while men face different stigmas, they still face stigmas - man-whores don't get invited to family barbecues. A society based on family units will recognize the need of men (and, to a much lesser extent, women) to "sow their wild oats" but positions of responsibility invariably go to the stable.

It's the "bite their thumb at society" part that always gets people in trouble. No one gives a shit what you do behind closed doors unless you're running for office but as soon as you bring it out onto the porch, all of a sudden everyone's got an opinion.

_refugee_  ·  3712 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    either gender faces sanctions when they flaunt their digressions from the norm.

A maxim.

    all of a sudden everyone's got an opinion

And fuck them and theirs, haters gon hate

p.s. please tell me if that link works, I had to copy it funny

kleinbl00  ·  3712 days ago  ·  link  ·  

That link entertains me.

ButterflyEffect  ·  3713 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I haven't encountered many people that feel that they have that responsibility. If anything I've met many who want to sleep around with as many people as possible and get annoyed if they don't "score" on a given weekend (needless to say, these are people that I'm not friends with).

My college has a "slut-walk" every year to raise awareness to the idea of slut-shaming and the double-standard surrounding it. While the purpose is to raise awareness, I think it's mostly a useless exercise since it doesn't actually open a discourse to discuss these ideas and why they exist.