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necroptosis  ·  223 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: April 26, 2023

Well it’s morning here, but I’m quite tempted to pour myself a glass of whiskey anyways for this pubski. It feels like forever since I made this post:

I returned home about a month after posting. I spent quite a bit of time thinking about the advice from ThatFanficGuy, goobster, and kleinbl00. In the end, for various reasons, the time wasn’t right to further pursue opportunities out there. Partially I was just so far out in the boonies with no real opportunities for advancement/networking/doing anything else. Mostly I just didn’t trust myself to actually execute any of the big ideas I had developed since that post.

I did a somewhat desperate search for other options and landed on going to business school. Which let me tell you, is a discordant path for me. I’ve spent quite a long time with a strong dislike towards the typical finance/consulting bros that gravitate towards MBA programs and the overall culture that they seem to have. That being said, the more I’ve researched and talked to people the more I think it is the right path.

Anyways, the whole point of all this context is that I’ve had a pretty significant life change while in the application process. I struggled HARD to write a single goddamn thing for essays. I have so many damn ideas and stories to tell but simply couldn’t sit down and put them on paper, despite spending hours in front of my computer. I’ve always had trouble focusing on things in the past, especially writing (which has been a large reason I don’t post often here), and this was the final straw. I talked to a doctor, who diagnosed me with ADHD and prescribed meds (shoutout to the SF VA, this all happened within 24 hours).

This was about a week ago, and I just have such an incredibly hard time putting into words how life changing this has been. I mean HOLY SHIT. The ability to have a task, that I want and need to do, and ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO DO IT?? I used to spend hours/days on the simplest things, blaming myself the whole time for being extraordinarily lazy. The first couple paragraphs of this article could easily have been about me. And the other things, my god. My head feels calm, like a storm has cleared. I can actually listen to people, process what they’re saying, and respond coherently. I went to a climbing gym and actually enjoyed it-I feel like I’ve been going through the motions for years. I can’t remember the last time that I wasn’t immediately bored after the first climb.

It feels like a key has opened the rest of my life. I’ve been extraordinarily lucky in a lot of ways, and I dragged myself kicking and screaming through a career and life that has set me up well. And now I feel able to accomplish the things I’ve always dreamed of. In the past week, I’ve either interviewed at or have received invitations for every single school that I’ve applied to (including several schools I never ever dreamed I would be able to attend). Feeling happy and hopeful.

Anyways here’s a nice picture from bouldering on the beach: