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cauliflower




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cauliflower  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Ask Hubski: what's your baggage?

Exactly. I got so bad for awhile that I basically became a prisoner in my own home. Going to the store seemed like a huge feat. What if I didn't have enough money? What if I got into a fender bender?

Luckily I've been able to work on it some in the last few months. Sometimes I can even go to a bar by myself which is pretty huge because you're bound to have someone talk to you when you go to a neighborhood bar. I'm also having less of the "oh suddenly something came up and I can't go" stuff when people invite me out. I missed a local Hubski meet-up awhile back, when I first got on here, because of that.

cauliflower  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Ask Hubski: what's your baggage?

Hm, I think mine are mostly mental things.

I can be extremely inflexible due to anxiety. It can be as simple as refusing to go to a different restaurant at the last second because I already looked at the menu online for the first restaurant.

I also have bad moods where it's best to just leave me alone. Sometimes it's over in five minutes and I'm back to normal, other times it lasts a day. Sometimes I have no idea why it happens, other times I know and it's something incredibly stupid that I just need to work through in my mind.

But, I think, perhaps my biggest form of baggage comes from the simple fact that I want to be a people person and I'm just so not. I range from weeks or months of attempting social interaction as I see other people doing it, followed by a complete meltdown over it. Then I have an "I don't give a shit" period followed by watching people to figure it all out. Then it starts all over again. All of that causes mood swings and stuff. Probably not very fun to be around for that reason.

I've had relationships negatively impacted or ended over those things before.

I don't really have a favorite quote, certainly nothing inspirational that I like to go back to every so often. Instead I have this: "Do you suppose yourself anything to her, but that? You have been too long among your uncle's books. Girls love easily, there. That is the point of them. If they loved so in life, the books would not have to be written." It's from Fingersmith by Sarah Waters.

I use it to kind of remind myself of my place in other people's lives. I too easily fall into a sense of adoration for friends, expecting some great friendship, imagining bonds that will never break. The quote reminds me to chill out, that I don't know people who are looking for that right now.

I'm one of those people who read a lot of books at once, but I'll narrow it down to the three that I'm reading the most right now.

I'm reading a chapter or two of Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel's Dart every night. It's one of my partner's favorite series and I was curious how effective the sex scenes are since I don't read a lot of books that include lots of sex. I'm only a little over 100 pages into it, but it is holding my interest. So far the political aspect of it is kind of boring, but more from not really knowing the characters the main character is talking about.

I'm also reading Lee Smith's short story collection Mrs. Darcy and the Blue-Eyed Stranger. I kind of have a love-hate relationship with Lee Smith only because she is so good at what she does which is writing about small towns in the south. I got the hell out of my own small hometown (now getting a name for itself as being exceptionally poor, violent and uneducated) so reading her stories can bring back both good and bad memories.

I also read a few diary entries each week from the first volume of Virginia Woolf's diaries. I'd like to try and start reading whatever novel she was writing as I'm reading the relevant entries, but either way it is fascinating. You learn a lot about her as much from what she doesn't say in her entries as what she does say. It was put together by the wife of her nephew and I must say she did a fantastic job. She was meticulous with footnotes to explain who everyone is and what events Virginia is mentioning.

Man, if I had the money I'd pick up The Definitive Book of Handwriting Analysis. Back in high school, I became really interested in the criminal mind and all the ways the criminal justice system worked. I borrowed every book in my town's small library that had to do with criminal cases, law, criminal profiling, and the one book on handwriting analysis. It's some really interesting stuff.

I hear you on the science thing. I'm normally broke, so when I got some extra money this past Christmas I went ahead and bought her some things for the years to come. That included three dvd sets by They Might Be Giants (ABCs, 123s, and Here Comes Science). I just don't want her to think that science is automatically a boy thing.

I don't think it's strange at all! My niece already loves the music from A Link to the Past and enjoys watching my brother play Minecraft (I think it's the green). And she's totally going to be introduced to Star Trek as soon as possible. My childhood was changed by Capt Janeway, I'd love to share that with my niece.

I tried violin, bass, and drums but none of them stuck.

The only thing that has stuck to this day is guitar. I picked up my brother's guitar when I was eleven. He was taking classes and I decided I was going to teach myself how to play, just until I got better than him. I guess I was a competitive sibling. I did get better than him and then really grew to enjoy it and started writing my own songs. I have to keep at least one guitar in my house at any given time, just so I can pick it up once a week or something and let it all out.

Haha yeah, my brother and his wife have been trying to come up with PG-terms to say instead of cuss words. Just to get used to them before she starts parroting. I have no doubt that one day her mom will slip up and yell "tits!" in front of her and that'll be interesting.

It was fun to see her discover ceiling fans. She was so amazed and would just watch it if she was near one. I'm too used to things like ceiling fans, so it was kind of nice to see that sense of wonderment over something so ordinary.

I kind of wonder if I'll go overboard when she's older like Nicole Kidman's portrayal of Virginia Woolf in The Hours. The whole asking about the kid's day from the beginning (waking up) but really trying to focus on how they felt, why they did things instead of what exactly they did.

That Ariel story is awesome, by the way. I've basically lost out on any stories like that due to staying away from kids for so many years--for good reason. There was about a two year period that anytime I was out shopping and a child was nearby they'd hit me with something. One had a freaking slingshot and whacked me with it in a store. Little monsters.

Yeah, there's a part of me that worries with her being the first grandchild on both sides she'll get whatever she wants and will become a little monster.

That's hilarious. I am pretty excited to hear what kid logic she'll come up with.

I'd never heard the bit about the d-pad and buttons doing the same thing. That does make it sound a bit better. I missed out on Skyward Sword too because I didn't have the, what was it, motion plus or whatever? But I always used the wiimote with my right hand, so I might have been able to do that one anyway.

I did boot up one of the Oracle games for a few minutes when I first purchased it before I had to go somewhere (what was I thinking?) and felt like a kid again. I spent so many hours on my Gameboy Color, it was nice to see graphics like that again.

OOT was my first Zelda. Not the first that I ever played, but the first that I ever owned. Before that, my brother was always given video games and I was just allowed to play them. For that reason, I'm pretty excited for LBW. "My" first top down Zelda. I suppose it was only fitting that OOT on the 3DS was also my first portable Zelda game. I've been slowly purchasing every Zelda game available through the eshop but haven't beaten any of them. As for the DS Zelda games, I never really gave them a chance. I haven't even seriously thought about buying them even though I now have a way to play them. Being a lefty, I just find the controls intimidating.

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