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cauliflower's profile

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hubskier for: 2701 days

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cauliflower  ·  2138 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Ask Hubski: what's your baggage?

Exactly. I got so bad for awhile that I basically became a prisoner in my own home. Going to the store seemed like a huge feat. What if I didn't have enough money? What if I got into a fender bender?

Luckily I've been able to work on it some in the last few months. Sometimes I can even go to a bar by myself which is pretty huge because you're bound to have someone talk to you when you go to a neighborhood bar. I'm also having less of the "oh suddenly something came up and I can't go" stuff when people invite me out. I missed a local Hubski meet-up awhile back, when I first got on here, because of that.

cauliflower  ·  2139 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Ask Hubski: what's your baggage?

Hm, I think mine are mostly mental things.

I can be extremely inflexible due to anxiety. It can be as simple as refusing to go to a different restaurant at the last second because I already looked at the menu online for the first restaurant.

I also have bad moods where it's best to just leave me alone. Sometimes it's over in five minutes and I'm back to normal, other times it lasts a day. Sometimes I have no idea why it happens, other times I know and it's something incredibly stupid that I just need to work through in my mind.

But, I think, perhaps my biggest form of baggage comes from the simple fact that I want to be a people person and I'm just so not. I range from weeks or months of attempting social interaction as I see other people doing it, followed by a complete meltdown over it. Then I have an "I don't give a shit" period followed by watching people to figure it all out. Then it starts all over again. All of that causes mood swings and stuff. Probably not very fun to be around for that reason.

I've had relationships negatively impacted or ended over those things before.

cauliflower  ·  2428 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: What is your favorite quote? Why does it mean so much to you?

I don't really have a favorite quote, certainly nothing inspirational that I like to go back to every so often. Instead I have this: "Do you suppose yourself anything to her, but that? You have been too long among your uncle's books. Girls love easily, there. That is the point of them. If they loved so in life, the books would not have to be written." It's from Fingersmith by Sarah Waters.

I use it to kind of remind myself of my place in other people's lives. I too easily fall into a sense of adoration for friends, expecting some great friendship, imagining bonds that will never break. The quote reminds me to chill out, that I don't know people who are looking for that right now.