It's a vague question, but I wager most people who frequent this site know what I mean by this. As in spiritually complete, not devoid of anything, not in need to "fill something", no urge or sense of needing to pursue something.
Do you feel whole? If so, what do you do that makes you feel this way? Is it hard for you to remain whole? Tell me about the times you didn't feel whole.
That's great. You have a link to more of his work?
This is his big ongoing work. Definitely go into the archives to start with at least the beginning of the current story line, Dark Science, or the very beginning if you can. Incredible writing and incredible artwork. http://dresdencodak.com/ Additionally, he has a great tumblr blog where he does revisions of comic book characters and stories occasionally.
Exactly. I don't "feel whole" because there is so much I aspire to.
I came on here at 3 in the morning with a blistering, peeling, agonizing no. There was this friend I had that I swear was a soul mate, but it went down an inevitable road when I had to choose between helping my family or her. I could have, should have, would have handled it better. I went down a road of self-destruction after our fight. I tried calling again this year, but it ended on the same note. Now more than half of my friends are off at universities or not talking to me. I need goals, but I can't find anything I burn for anymore. Writing feelings, creating things now makes me cry. After a year of this, shouldn't it heal over? Why am I dressed in an old performance costume, crying, and trying to get a grip? It never hurt this much when I lost my friend in a car accident. I can understand death. Why are these tides of life so tireless? The waves only ingrain the feeling deeper and cause me to wonder why I'm giving my soul become so littered. There's either moments where I think of only how I could get hurt or there's an outpouring of personal emotions. It's unhealthy. I don't even know how to strengthen my current friendships much less create new ones. I just want to scream and break things and tell my business degree to go to hell and feel alive again!
"I just want to scream and break things and tell my business degree to go to hell and feel alive again!" You're not apathetic, which is a good thing. I'm not sure to what extent your hurt is, but I think you'd benefit from finding new outlets to pour out some energy. If writing and creating hurts, then try some exercise or playing music (not writing or composing, just literally bashing things to a slight rhythm or even any kind of structure or non-structure that is pleasing to your ear and heart). You chose an admirable route by helping your family and prioritizing them over yourself. You don't sound very selfish, so I won't doubt you'll find true friends at some point. Honestly though, half your friends may not be talking to you because university can be INCREDIBLY BUSY even in the down time and it's hard to keep in touch with friends from home. Or maybe some of them aren't the kind of friends you want. Just hang on bud.
Thanks. I completely understand that my university friends are busy. However, times get incredibly lonely when you feel like there is no where to turn to. Thanks for reminding me about the variety of outlets. I didn't mean to have that out pour, but I am glad to hear your reassuring words. Thanks dude.
I feel the most whole I've ever been. The awkwardness of that sentence reflects my understanding of wholeness. Dissonance springs from neural networks firing out of sync, lacking integration. No, I don't have a source for that. (It exists though, and in far more tentative terms.) I've been back into yoga. I'm optimistic about the technological singularity. My room is clean. I'm listening to fresh new music and am engaged in a mountain of administrative work to sponsor my wife as a Canadian citizen. I wrote my mother, father, sister, and brother within the last week. I enjoy my own writing. I enjoy when I don't enjoy my own writing. I do and I don't this post. I've edited this twice.
No. I miss the girl i love, i miss the city i love and i miss the things i never had, the things which the voices in my head tell me i should have.
I have never seen somebody who could really change the mood of somebody else with your problem.
And for myself, I have no idea how to do that too, but I know your pain.
Honestly, I always believed that not talking or trying to forget about it, is a bad solution. Instead of that I try to talk about it with people that care or have a minute free.
I think this really helps. It's like watching the rain. When its very cloudy, you know it will rain, but you dont know when. That's like not trying to talk about it. You know you will eventually talk about it, but when? With who? Why? For how long? etc..
When it is rainig very quietly, it will take a long time until it stops. Same with trying to talk to somebody who just wont listen or doesn't really care about you. It takes up your time and you don't feel relieved at all.
And then you have the storm. The tsunami's, just everything that has a colossal amount of rain and destruction. This is the talk that actually matters, this is when somebody wants to listen and you actually feel relieved.
Maybe you will have a rainbow after your storm, or maybe you will just keep rainig, or go in a cloudy mood. You can't know for sure. For me, I always went into a cloudy mood but then, something amazingly happens.
No rain.
Just clouds, and the next morning, a perfect clear sky with sun.
So find that person that will carry your storm and embrace your lightning, as far as I know, we only regret the things we didn't do at the end of our life, and not the things we did.
Don't listen to the voices. Should can be a poisonous word.
I know you're only trying to help, but it's not as simple as 'don't listen to the voices'.
You're right. I guess the best advice I could give is find things that might drown the voices out.
I'm young. I still have a lot to do. There are many ways I could go. I'm not sure if I want to go to college, not sure if I want to have children, not sure of a lot of things in my life. But that unsurity is part of what makes me human. I think that I wouldn't like feeling whole. I know emptiness and that sucks, but feeling whole would leave me with a feeling of wondering if there's something I'm missing. A feeling of "is this it?"
If it can help, you will never feel whole. Because even if you will be whole, you will want to erase that feeling of being whole, wich will make you empty.
I know being young sucks, I'm also still a teen, but hey, this is the time we can actually do shit and get away with it. You should try to make as much use of the world as you can.
And I don't mean "yolo" or something, you can quietly learn a language, learn how to program, do something with your life and nobody will ever know. But then one day, you show off your mad talent and everybody will be impressed. That's when you will feel human and you will feel something. That you actually can do something other people can, that you impressed others for something you worked hard on. But most importantly, you improved yourself and in this world, thats a huge thing. So hey, learn something, explore something, be something and become someone.
We're all still young because the amount of knowledge there is just so much, I will always feel dumb.
No. I used to feel whole, or at least close to it when I was an undergrad. At 21, I experienced something very traumatic. I have not felt whole since, and I have given up the idea that I will ever be whole again. I recently had a very supportive professor who challenged me intellectually. I found myself confronting personal struggles to succeed. By the end of the course, I felt like I found a little piece of myself after many years. The sad thing is, the connection with this professor dissolved after the course ended. I hoped the experience would have fostered, at the very least, a working relationship. I am not really sure where it stands now. It feels like a little bit of the personal gain has been chipped away because of the situation.
My experience is very similar to yours, down to the age of the loss. It's a wholly different way of experiencing the world, a subjectively better way, people who assume it is "boring" and such don't actually know what they are talking about (or are intentionally using a different definition of "being whole"). I'm still holding out hope of recovering the feeling and get back to the better life though. I have a hunch meditation and related stuff can help with that.
Near whole, but never 100%. As I grow older and accomplish my goals, there's always new ones propped up to take their places. I just keep moving the goal posts it seems. So while I'm happy and content, I do always feel like theres a piece of me missing, and that piece is whatever current goal I'm chasing.
No, I don't feel whole. Having completed my music degree, I'm currently in the position of trying to make a living out of doing what I love. Composing my own would be the ideal, this when I feel most complete and in my element. I'd also be happy with composition/sound design for games or music journalism but they're all hard areas to break in to. I've recently started meditating with an aim to improving my awareness of myself and habits, as well as for relaxation.
I've always heard meditating is a great way to feel more whole. Good luck in your musical pursuits.
No, I don't. I feel like it's a major reason I try new things and push myself to get better at things that might help me figure out what it is that I'm after. All in all, I'm ok with that. I've read a bit about how happiness can diminish empathy. Of course, I'd like to create a satisfying and fulfilling life for myself, but I feel like empathy should be part of that.
happiness can diminish empathy? do you have a source for this?
I read the article I'm think of years ago, probably around 2003. I can't find it right now; all that comes up now is how money makes people less empathetic, which is not what I'm thinking of, though I have posted on it before. Anyway, the thrust of the article was that "happy people" as defined by the study the magazine was writing about, are generally more content with their lives and so are generally less interested in the well-being of other people. This article touches on a study that may have contributed to the one I'm thinking of:Yet too much attention to detail can interfere with basic day-to-day functioning, as evidenced by research from Queen's University psychologist Kate Harkness, who found that people in a depressed mood were more likely to notice minute changes in facial expressions. Meanwhile, happy people tend to overlook such second-to-second alterations—a flash of annoyance, a sarcastic grin. You probably recognize this phenomenon from interactions you've had with your partner. While in a bad mood we tend to notice the tiniest shifts and often can't seem to disengage from a fight ("I saw you roll your eyes at me! Why did you do that!?!"), whereas when we're in a good mood, we tend to brush off tiny sleights ("You tease me, but I know you love being around me"). The happiest people have a natural emotional protection against getting sucked in by the intense gravitational pull of little details.
Pretty fascinating stuff. I wonder if there's a correlation between one's disposition and how detail oriented their job is? For example, I wonder if a person who experiences a depressed mood more often would make for a better editor.