Let it out.
I made one really stupid mistake in college that sticks out. It left me with a misdemeanor that was since expunged from my record, but the news story can still be found pretty easily - it sucks to have to explain when I'm going through job interviews. I hate myself for that one. Another more recent regret is that I didn't work harder in a lot of different ways in my relationship that ended a couple weeks ago. It's hard not to dwell on the thought that if I had just done this or that, the relationship could've lasted a lot longer - if not for the rest of my life. That feeling of emptiness in the gut after a breakup is such a shitty thing to feel on a daily basis. I know it'll go away eventually but I'll be damned if it doesn't hurt like hell right now. Thanks for asking this though :) It feels good to let it out.
I wish so badly that there was something I could tell you to make you feel better. Relationships are hard and complex, and it's impossible for anyone outside of it to be able to understand all the complexities in a relationship. I'm still hurting, but I feel better and better every day. Breaking up always seems like the worst possible thing that can happen, but once you're outside of it and you have a little time to breathe, you can definitely see things a little more clearly (or at least differently).
She did. I couldn't accept it at first but it does make sense to me now. We were still having lots of really, really great times together, but we also began arguing more. Luckily, she's a really cool lady and we're still friends, and she understands me pretty well and knows the emotional situation I'm in, so she's been there for me to talk to a couple times since we've been apart. That's helped me quite a bit.
I regret not working harder in college. There were a lot of hours spent either drunk, on drugs, or hungover. I did a lot but I still feel like I should've spent less time having fun and more time working with people, being involved in more video projects, and doing interesting things around New York rather than staying in my little neighborhood getting drunk in the same bars or apartments with the same people. I feel like I could've been a lot closer with some of my peers and they could help me further myself both personally and professionally today if I had developed those relationships and work more during that period of time.
I have the same regret insom. And I think it's a fairly common one. The only resolve I take from it, personally, is that I've been at least lucky enough to even have college as a choice in my life in the first place.
Fifteen years ago, a combination of environmental stress and insomnia triggered a short psychotic episode which transformed the world from a shallow, comprehensible reality into a profound, mysterious and mystical eternity. For a fortnight, every word was a mountain of meaning to be scaled, every object a piece of an arcane universal puzzle, every thought led closer to a comprehensive theory of the world which lay tantalisingly out of reach. All cynicism dropped away and left only wide-eyed wonder at the incredible majesty of this planet - all the horrors in the world, the cruelty, the war, the suffering, had their justifiable place in the tapestry of existence and this understanding was profoundly reassuring. Eventually this was brought to an end by medication. The regret? That it ended.
All cynicism dropped away and left only wide-eyed wonder at the incredible majesty of this planet
beautifully expressed, Complexity. My peak experiences include that feeling. It's sad that when you feel that way all the time, it's called psychosis. Did you ever read The Power of Now? Your episode reminds me of the consciousness underlying that book.
Let it out. Alright, here it goes: I have made certain choices: 1. To get married
2. To have a professional career with certain earnings goals
3. To have children I don't regret any of those choices, I really don't. Most certainly I don't regret being a father. It is literally the most amazing thing I have ever done. That said, there are SO MANY PATHS available to all of us that it's hard not to have some regrets. I regret ever having a serious, no that's the wrong word... "long term" relationship prior to meeting my wife. I wish I had spent ALL of that time prior making music and art and courting and sleeping with many awesome, interesting and gorgeous women. I regret not realizing how capable, appealing and talented I was when I was younger. I'd like to shake that guy and say, "dude, wake the fuck up, you are in the prime of your life. Quit being insecure, all of these people around you that you think have it figured out are just as confused and awkward as you are." I regret not spending more time with my siblings when we were all under one roof. I regret ever putting down my guitar because I didn't feel I was "good enough." I regret not appreciating my family dog more. There are some regrets that I have that I'll save for me and a few select confidants. Truth is, I don't have any HUGE regrets. I made some bad decisions, but those decisions have informed who I am now. We are a culmination of our choices. Choose wisely people :)
I didn't mean to make you cry kimberly :( It sure is difficult saying goodbye to someone you love. The thing about that moment that was equally as painful was that I was basically saying goodbye to my childhood. He brought out the kid in me and had been my companion since I was a boy, I would guess that for many people there are clear moments when they feel like childhood was behind them, well that was mine. I have two dogs now and while I love them dearly, I question the logic in our decision to get them. If you are a responsible dog owner, and we are, then caring for them is a LOT of work. We have a vizsla and an english pointer and they both require a lot of exercise. They're awesome, but we just don't have the time in our lives that we once did.
Alot of stuff, I wasn't productive when I was young and now I'm useless and broke.
I regret that I've lost any sense of appropriate communication with other human beings. I mean that it's difficult to engage in interpersonal activity without somehow becoming ensconced in a cycle of self-beneficial dialogue and thought; the norm becomes what I see and how my self-doubts manifest themselves into something said MAINLY for the sake of contribution to the conversation, and false feelings of connection; it all makes me feel so goddamn alienated. I mean, it's not like something I can pinpoint down to one instance, but I think I'm hugely at fault for jeopardizing any chance of future social happiness. Once you find your way out of minor social situations on the reg, that sense of casual belonging disintegrates. I'm working on rebuilding that foundation, but... it's going to take a while and lots of effort.