I'm in a shitty fucking mood and I'm taking it out on the world right fucking here. Biden-Abrams cements the absolute fucking worst the Democratic Party has to offer from both ends. On the one hand you've got an out-of-touch old man who hasn't had a decent policy idea or represented any new thinking in the entirety of his career, whose principal claims to fame are (1) plagiarizing his campaign speeches in '88 (2) dragging Anita Hill (3) being meme-captioned by teenagers far smarter and more original than him as Obama's comic foil in a nostalgic universe where the good guys still won in the end. On the other hand you have an unqualified, unvetted, inexperienced loser whose sole claim to fame was as minority fucking leader of the Georgia fucking House. But since she's black, she's a woman and she's from Georgia, she is Tumblr's One True God. And like everything else in life, we've created this pathetic purity test universe where the only people who can run the bullshit gauntlet to get to the end are these hopeless fucking ideologues with fucking nothing useful to say standing between us and the goddamn abyss. It's like we could have any goddamn cars in the garage we wanted, but because we've got such insanely bullshit choices focused entirely on "number of cupholders" and "union-made chrome bumpers" we're supposed to get stoked about a Jeep Wagoneer and a Renault LeCar.
Nothing has annoyed me more than watching the Twittersphere pretend as if Stacey Goddamn Abrams has any fucking business as a vice-presidential candidate and the fact that Grampa Joe's team don't have a fucking clue about any of this is 100% appalling, 100% predictable and 100% un-fucking-avoidable. I probably beat OftenBen up entirely too much because I had my idealism burned out of me by the handoff from Dean to Kerry but I still fuckin' campaigned for Kerry because the future of the goddamn human race was on the goddamn line and here we are, living in a world where people think backing Marianne Williamson or Jill Fucking Stein is somehow a principled choice. I will crawl through broken fucking glass to vote for Biden and if he'd signed Stacey Abrams on I would have taken a phatty fuckin' bite of that shitburger, smiled and squeezed the excrement out between my teeth but come on. what a shitshow.