I knew a woman who had seven abortions. Seven. I'm pro-choice and figure that as a man, I'm entitled to my opinion but that's all it is. All the same, seven. Thing was, the world is a happier place with her seven abortions. She was not mom material and whatever special snowflakes she spawned didn't have anything to recommend them over every other unwanted child out there. I never planned on having kids. I was talked into it. You and I could swap stories about parental damage, no doubt. The baby seemed like a thunderously bad idea. She melts my heart every single day. I will screw it up. I worry about it constantly. But I also know my parents never worried about it and, despite their best efforts ("most mommies will tell their five-year-olds that they love them even when they're mad but I'm not like most mommies and if you don't stay out of my way you little brat I will fucking kill you"), I turned out largely okay. Never say never.
Ay, there's the rub. I knew a girl who was adopted and she didn't like abortion because she figured if her biological mother had had one, she wouldn't have ended up in the world. Which is true, yes, albeit true for all of us. I think her angle was that "Kids have a chance, give it to them." But the thing is, there are so many children out there who aren't lucky enough to get adopted, or who get shifted around foster homes, and there are also people out there who adopt children who shouldn't. There are already so many unwanted children who need to be adopted, it doesn't make sense to me to bring one more into the world and just pawn it off on the system and figure that it'll be okay. Not to mention the immense burden that pregnancy is - I for instance found out I was preg in September which meant I'd be popping at exam time, as I was in college, and it was my last year of college (ish - had to take one more class to finish and took a year to do it, so by all appearances I merely graduated on time, said with all appropriate sarcasm) and so that was a giant not happening. Not physically going through that experience, not jeapordizing my exams, not to mean of course the social response which would have been, well, awful. I'm not willing to essentially give up my body for 9 months to have a child I don't want so that hopefully maybe someone decides that they do. Plus, of course, it was a secret from the family: adoption isn't an option if you're not okay with people knowing. We could. They fuck you up, your mom and dad. Yours, I think, are more hair-raising, though. Yeah. I think screwing it up as a parent is inevitable. But what matters are your intentions and whether you also realize when/if you've screwed it up and try to fix it, if you can. Self-analysis. Realize when the relationship isn't working and work to improve it and remember that it's as much you as the child. We never stop being fallible. And turning out largely okay is a good point. I acknowledge my "children" views may change. They're partially tied into dim views on romantic relationships which extends into, you know, my capability to be in a successful one (a matter very debatable at best I feel) as well as just "catching the fish in the sea" part. I think if I ended up in a relationship that seemed like it was going to be life-long or at least extremely significantly long-term I'd be more open to the idea, but I think that is a ways away from me right now. That don't befront me, honestly.the world is a happier place with her seven abortions. She was not mom material and whatever special snowflakes she spawned didn't have anything to recommend them over every other unwanted child out there.
You and I could swap stories about parental damage, no doubt.
I will screw it up. I worry about it constantly. But I also know my parents never worried about it and, despite their best efforts...I turned out largely okay.
Awesome! Conversely, I always knew I wanted to be a father but I still could never have been prepared for how much I am floored by how she "melts my heart every single day." It's remarkable. It's a tremendous responsibility but not in the ways I thought it would be. Do I need to provide for her? Yes, of course. Do I need to change diapers and teach her the alphabet? Yes, all of that too. But the biggest responsibility seems to be an emotional one. She looks to me for guidance as to how to respond to her world. When she's scared she looks to me for comfort. -That's a BIG DEAL. NOT having someone you trust to look to when you are scared leads to disfunction. The responsibility is huge but it's way less to do with groceries and way more to do with psychology imo. I'm glad you are enjoying it. I thought you would.
My lack of children of my own makes me pretty useless to this discussion, but I just wanted to say how touching and thought-provoking threads like this are to read. Loving hubski more every day.