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kleinbl00  ·  21 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Trial Balloon for a Coup? Analyzing the news of the past 24 hours

I was busy. I have words. Watch this space.

_________________________________________________________________________

So. Furthering the conjecture and providing a little counterpoint, I believe that there are cogent issues raised but vital counterarguments left unasked. The author's analysis basically boils down to:

- The Trump administration deliberately gutted the State Department the same weekend they rolled out their Muslim ban in order to test the limits of executive power.

- They did this at the behest of Russia, which has sold of about a fifth of Rosneft without anybody really noticing.

- Trump has distanced himself from the American intelligence apparatus while also ramping up his personal security.

therefore, coup d'etat.

Did I miss anything?

All of this could be absolutely, 100% true and it does not support "therefore, coup d'etat." For example, sure: the Trump administration gutted the shit out of the State Department the same weekend they decided to write "ban all muslims" in crayon on a napkin and have Trump sign it. If you didn't want anyone from the State Department to tell you officially that it's a bad idea, unconstitutional and likely to cause unnecessary chaos for weeks/months/years, firing them all would be a great way to ensure your executive order gets rolled out how you want it.

If you wanted the State Department to lend legitimacy to what you're doing, it's exactly the wrong way to do it.

Right now, DHS is defying court orders and doing what Trump says. This is no doubt due to the fact that their lawyers looked over their charter and determined that they report to the Executive, not the Judicial, and that they're required to be goose-stepping thugs whether it's illegal or not. They are, no doubt, awaiting clarification or instruction from the chain of command their lawyers have determined they're bound by so that they can continue to do their jobs as charged.

But suppose Trump is literally Voldemort, Bannon is literally Skeletor, KellyAnn Conway is literally Cruella DeVille and RNCPRBS is literally Joseph Goebbels. DHS has a quarter million employees. You think they're all going along with this? Dunno about you, but at the airports I fly through they're mostly minorities and women. Shit, I've seen like a dozen in LA wearing hijabs. I've overheard them talking to each other in Seattle in Amharic.

I say this to celebrate it, not to denigrate it: we had two days of protests at ten different airports this weekend over 109 detained travelers.

A quote over the article:

    It wouldn’t surprise me if the goal is to create “resistance fatigue,” to get Americans to the point where they’re more likely to say “Oh, another protest? Don’t you guys ever stop?” relatively quickly.

Supposes that the protestors represent the minority opinion. They do not. We're rapidly reaching not protest fatigue, but protest normalization. I dunno about your Trump-voting Facebook friends, but mine were pretty goddamn quiet this weekend. They were the only ones. Moving on, Russia:

I mean, sure. It's entirely possible that this is all at the behest of Russia. It's entirely possible that Trump is doing it to get a fifth of Rosneft, just like in the dossier, for lifting sanctions against Russia. But sanctions haven't been lifted yet. More than that, any sanctions lifted can be reimposed by Congress with a supermajority if I'm not mistaken. Finally, throwing the nation into turmoil at the behest of an enemy power for personal enrichment is treason and/or terrorism and/or espionage. You wanna talk impeachable offenses, each one of those is a federal capital offense. So if Trump's gonna take the money and run, he better run far.

But right - he's gonna take over the country:

    Especially if combined with the DHS and the FBI, which appear to have remained loyal to the President throughout the recent transition, this creates the armature of a shadow government: intelligence and police services which are not accountable through any of the normal means, answerable only to the President.

Pretend none of those people are thinking, feeling human beings. Pretend they're orcs. There's 300,000 orcs willing to do Sauron's will. oh shit what will we do?

You might be interested to know that before you get dumb and talk army vs. fbi or any of that shit, there's about 800,000 cops in the United States, all of which have a long-standing interagency beef with everybody that isn't cops. Does the author really expect every other organization in the United States to roll over as the DHS attempts to consolidate power?

Does the author really think the Trump administation thinks that's going to happen?

    Trump was, indeed, perfectly honest during the campaign; he intends to do everything he said, and more. This should not be reassuring to you.

    The regime’s main organizational goal right now is to transfer all effective power to a tight inner circle, eliminating any possible checks from either the Federal bureaucracy, Congress, or the Courts. Departments are being reorganized or purged to effect this.

    The inner circle is actively probing the means by which they can seize unchallenged power; yesterday’s moves should be read as the first part of that.

    The aims of crushing various groups — Muslims, Latinos, the black and trans communities, academics, the press — are very much primary aims of the regime, and are likely to be acted on with much greater speed than was earlier suspected. The secondary aim of personal enrichment is also very much in play, and clever people will find ways to play these two goals off each other.

This can be absolutely, positively 100% true and still not matter. I don't know if you've been watching this administration. They aren't speaking like the Lords of Creation addressing the mortals from their seats in Valhalla. They're speaking like David Koresh from the basement. They don't answer, they lash out. They don't respond, they attack. The only support they've gotten - from anyone - comes in the form of "not objecting."

    A source familiar with Booker’s exchange with CBP officials told The Daily Beast that officials with the agency refused to see him face to face. Instead, Booker wrote questions on a piece of paper which he handed to police officers, and those officers gave the paper—along with a copy of Brinkema’s ruling—to CBP officials. Those CBP officials then wrote out their answers to the senator’s questions, according to the source. The source described it as a half-written, half-spoken game of telephone.

Those are your goose-steppers, by the way. The shock troops at the front of the new totalitarian wave. Doing everything they can to not have their names attached to this travesty. The simple act of doing what they're told and throwing 100-odd people in secondary hold for the weekend has them hanging their heads and hiding under desks.

Do you really think they like this any better than you do?

___________________________________________________________________

Look. Putin came to power by killing 300 innocent people and blaming it on terrorism. Theoretically, Trump could do the same. After all, without the Reichstag we've got no 3rd Reich, right? Except Putin was already popular. And at the Reichstag fire Hitler and Hindenberg had 80% of the vote. Neither of them were under investigation for colluding with foreign powers.

And there's something... confounding about the dualism necessary in these discussions. Either Trump is a greedy manchild bent on personal enrichment or he's a Manchurian candidate idealistically bent on sweeping the Muslims into the gutter of history. He can't be both.

    Mr. Bannon told a colleague in multiple conversations during the presidential campaign that he knew Mr. Trump was an “imperfect vessel” for the revolution he had in mind. But the upstart candidate and the media entrepreneur bonded anyway.

    In August 2015, Mr. Bannon told Ms. Jones in an email that he had turned Breitbart, where employees called certain political stories “Bannon Specials,” into “Trump Central” and joked that he was the candidate’s hidden “campaign manager.” He hosted Mr. Trump for friendly radio interviews and offered tactful coaching. This August, with the Trump campaign foundering, Mr. Bannon took over as chief executive.

Washington Post

Somebody's being used here, and somebody's using. The author's argument is that the Trump administration is using us because the Russians are using them. But do we really believe that Putin has a tighter leash on Trump than the rest of us? That Bannon does?

Or are we looking at the thrashings of an insular, inexperienced administration attempting to ramrod through everything they can while deliberately avoiding anyone who can tell them no?

_____________________________

Look. Russia has already benefitted immeasurably. This was a triple grand slam for Putin. Anything that happens from now only puts them further ahead. They have no real risks to worry about. But they're not crazy. They know that an erratic puppet on the throne will cause chaos and discord. They also know that whenever you put someone divisive in charge, you aren't going to get a lot of unity.

Don't get me wrong. This is all crazy shit, and many of us, myself included, certainly didn't predict it'd get this dumb this quick. I'd argue that's because we overestimated the acumen of the Trump team, not underestimated.

They're shifting the transmission into reverse without putting in the clutch. Gears are grinding. Sparks are flying. And Donald J. Trump, the man who doesn't exist if he isn't on television, is being pilloried by nearly everyone. Do you think he likes that?

Reading all this doesn't make me think "how long have we got?" it makes me think

how long has Steve Bannon got?

kleinbl00  ·  21 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: 0 of 38 members of the Texas congressional delegation support the border wall

Trump is not the government. Trump is a part of the government - and a very powerful, very important part of the government at that. But the rest of the government has spent much of their adult lives becoming as powerful and important as they can possibly be and there's only so much to go around.

There are very few people in the government who desire a radical, disruptive change to the American way of life. All of them would like things to be more their way than the other guys' way, for sure... but you don't generally get involved in government unless you relish the grinding of sausage. Governance is a process-oriented profession. It is a life-long, avocational application of nuance. The goal is to get what you want, deny your opponents what you don't, and live to fight another day.

The Trump administration (still hard to say that) is governing as if they expect the world to end next week. They're blasting through everything they can. They're riding roughshod over everyone who stands in their way to make as much leeway as possible before they get mired in the mud.

Let's pretend you're Paul Ryan. You've been in Congress eighteen years - nine terms. You've built coalitions, relationships, alliances, non-aggression pacts and vendettas. You've put up with Democratic bullshit since Clinton was President and here you are, Speaker for the House.

And the President is acting like you aren't there.

And it's not like he's an ally. He's the guy that you couldn't publicly decry because apparently this is what we're doing now. And it would be righteous to have the House, the Senate and the Executive but apparently the Executive belongs to - wait for it - Breitbart. There are literally bloggers with more power than you.

How long are you going to take that?

How long are your friends going to take that?

Here's the thing: the gerrymandering has worked really damn well. You'll own the House for the next twenty years. After this dumpster fire, the Democrats will win the presidency. At least, you certainly have to consider the strong possibility that whatever follows, it's not gonna look great on the Republicans.

...unless you take a principled stand to check the power of the Executive in the name of stability, equality, and serving all Americans.

The Dems will go along with it no problem. Everyone that isn't Tea Party will go along with it no problem. You're kicking the shit out of any future Democratic president and ensuring that whoever runs on the Republican side next time, he'll be a Company man toeing the Company line.

Never attribute to malice that which is more easily explained by incompetence.

-Napoleon et. al.

We've seen plenty of evidence that the Republican Party doesn't know what to do with this dumpster fire. For the Democrats, it's easy: protest or be pilloried. For the Republicans, you're theoretically getting everything you want... along with a bunch of stuff you don't want... all at once, and with no real organization, and delivered to you as if you were on a not-very-good Reality TV show. But at some point you start looking long-term and you recognize that either they're going to take you down with them or you need to check the runaway excesses of an unprincipled Executive branch.

Trump is entirely too cozy with Russia. Russia helped get him elected. He's your guy, sure. But guys change. And who's calling the shots here?

Multiply times 248 for the House and 54 for the Senate. The Trump agenda may be closer to the Republican agenda than the Democratic agenda, but it's still the Trump agenda. And everybody who signed on enthusiastically before the election? They're cabinet members now.

kleinbl00  ·  30 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Democrats, it's time to hunker down

if Andy Kaufman were a blogger

kleinbl00  ·  33 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: January 18, 2017x 2

a year in the life.

We had our first class in there last night. Coats were hung on coat hooks I had hung five minutes previously. The person running the class had my phone number for two days to coordinate everything she might need; instead she showed up half an hour after she said she would and expected I could make it all work. And I did. But it's galling - "Yeah, I've never been here before, or met you before, and the last time my organization stopped by the sheetrock had just gone up I'm sure you can make my three hours of powerpoint and Youtube videos work just fine, especially if I give you half an hour, despite the fact that I've been forewarned the internet is spotty I'm sure you can work it out."

And then my wife showed up and then I took the kid home and then she got home at eleven. I'm on my 3rd or 4th 10-11-12 hour day on this fucker. Monday night was two hours naked knee-deep in lukewarm water scraping blue protectant off a tub. Yesterday, on the other, was easier... but I discovered that the tub they were 3 weeks late in delivering (thereby setting us back 3 weeks) is a factory 2nd with a massive chip in it that will spread if I can't get it fixed. So that made me happy.

The difficulty is the minute that class got there, it was abundantly clear that I don't belong. Nobody in the birth community says "husband" because it's offensive. We're all "partners." And we're all "supportive" and we're all expected to get out of the way so they can focus on women's mysteries. Except during the birth where the philosophy is basically "thou art thy partner's bitch who is suffering more than you can ever know to bring about the miracle of life you're lucky we let you in the room worm now help your master breathe!"

So what I'm left with is I've spent like three years building a business in an industry actively hostile to my gender, that will never have anything to do with me, and which resents my participation. I am a fish building an airplane. It's a fuckin' P-51 Mustang to be sure but I still got gills, you know? The only thing I get out of it is gratitude from my wife, and despite spending the better part of two days cleaning and tidying and polishing that place I was denied any reaction from her last night because god forbid we speak too loudly to interrupt the class.

I realized yesterday that while I've been maintaining social media channels for two years and organizing ad campaigns and infographics and all the rest, I've never once mentioned the birth center on my own Facebook page.

This is really the only place I talk about it.

That probably says something.

kleinbl00  ·  62 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Star Wars Rogue One Bamboozles You

I don't wanna beat up Star Wars too much. The original film was a seismic disruption to the entire industry. It came out like 9 months after Logan's Run - you want some cognitive dissonance, watch Box and the Star Filters in the Disco Cave and then sit down to Alderan. Star Wars broke the mold, shattered the industry and remade it.

And honestly, it borrowed from good sources. It's just that once Star Wars and Empire were done, nobody was ever going to tell George Lucas what to do ever again so we kind of get Ewoks all the time now.

You can shout about nuance but it won't carry the weight of a whisper about simplicity.

Truth is optional.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah fuckin' blah.

LOOK

I give money.

I contribute to culture.

I make the arguments.

I financially support the candidates (FUCKING OUT OF STATE CANDIDATES).

Blah blah blah blah "The left gave the fuck up on a lot of "Flyover Country" and now they don't have the House, they don't have the Senate and they only control 26% of the state legislatures" EAT A FUCKING DICK.

This has been said so many times it's like the fuckin' koreans and their goddamn breath-stealing fans. "The Left gave up on Flyover Country." What the fuck does that even mean? Does that mean, like, when every liberal under the sun petitioned Scott Fucking Walker about unions despite the fact that we're pretty much never in Wisconsin? Does that mean giving to Planned Parenthood despite the fact that we're not young, not female, not pregnant and have absolutely zero difficulty pointing to eighteen places within a ten mile radius that perform abortions? Does that mean bussing to fucking New Orleans to help rebuild after Katrina? Because that's how the Left gave up on "Flyover Country." Meanwhile the shows we're showing you don't represent your values, the food we eat is somehow offensive to your deep-fried ass, the music we play offends your pedal steel heart and the fact that you fucks consistently vote against women, black people and the poor is somehow

OUR

FUCKING

FAULT.

So look. Y'all can pick your own fucking candidates, with your own fucking money, and twist in your own fucking wind. And yeah - the Republicans are going to take it all. Here's the difference: you shitheads wanted this. Us "coastal elites?" We voted for what we wanted, clear and simple, and got everything we wanted locally, clear and simple, and the values we represent, the values we live, the values we put forth? The ones that you're pissed off because somehow, we "abandoned" you?

Who's doing the abandoning, shithead?

Sure. Win some fucking elections. But you know what? If we don't know how to win YOUR fucking elections for you, STOP BLAMING US FOR TRYING.

I am legitimately sick of this shit. Because honestly? I can continue to fly the fuck over your country. Here, look: I can paint the problem with the United States in one fucking step:

1) Insist that homeownership is the key to happiness and increase accessibility to homeownership for all

Here, watch what happens next:

2) Watch housing prices increase due to easy access to ownership

3) Watch urban mobility go down due to lack of fluidity within housing

4) Watch cities and towns become more vulnerable to shock when industry changes because people are trapped in their houses

5) Watch blight increase as foreclosures replace tenant changeover; watch the savings of homeowners go to (coastal) banks, watch places without the ability to adapt to change (rural areas) become skeletonized wastelands while everyone of means bolts to the cities, where all the money is

JP Morgan Chase: NY, NY

Bank of America: Charlotte, NC

Citigroup: NY, NY

Wells Fargo: San Francisco, CA

US Bankcorp: Minneapolis, MN

Bank of NY Mellon: NY, NY

PNC Financial: Pittsburgh, PA

Capital One: VA

HSBC North America: NY, NY

TD Bank of America: Cherry Hill, NJ

__________________________________________

Know what? I want your side to start winning elections, too. But you're not going to. You're stupid fucking rednecks. Sure - not all of you. But enough of you. And you know what? Every time we try and help out the rest of you ungrateful little shits? We're not helpful enough. "What's the matter with Kansas?" It's a fucking shithole full of ignorant rednecks that want to go back to the barefoot, pregnant and syphilis days, duh. And that's why everyone with half a fucking clue moves away, and that's why your population is collapsing, and that's why there's nobody left to work the farm, and that's why you have a sea of fucking Walmarts instead of culture.

Because you've been screaming at the top of your lungs you want it that way since nineteen diggity two.

But hold the fucking phone if we listen.

kleinbl00  ·  110 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: November 2, 2016

The difference between "too much" and "not enough" is tied to demonstrating that you're interested and interesting.

"I am thinking about you" qualifies if you are in a committed, stable relationship. If you are 2 dates in, "I am thinking about you" violates protocol. And yes, there's protocol, you little simps. Your demonstrable ability to communicate your desirability is the one real task of courtship and the sooner you accept that it's a shorthand for a much larger discussion the happier you'll be.

Which is why "I am thinking about doing cool shit and would welcome your participation" qualifies early in a relationship. Importantly, this should reflect who you are at your best, not who you think she wants you to be. You must be genuine because you are effectively performing you and you must give a good performance. If you attempt to perform someone else she will feel betrayed (subconsciously) as soon as you cease to be that person.

"I think it would be fun to go to the fair, would you like to come?" is a great reason to contact someone. "I'm going hiking Saturday" works, too. Full disclosure: I haven't had to date since y'all were in grade school so I'm sure that some things have changed but to my sensibility, "netflix and chill" is something you use to cement a relationship, not develop one. The test is one of silence: are your silences comfortable or uncomfortable? If only one of you stops trying to fill the pauses with speech, you are not ready for "netflix and chill" or any other low-energy bonding pursuit.

One of the great things about kids is they allow you to pursue endeavors that you would not otherwise. Wanna go to the Lego store on a Saturday afternoon? Congrats. You have an excuse. How 'bout the Aquarium? Saddle up. Relationships are similar - there's a barrier to checking out that new cafe by yourself unless you are exceedingly comfortable with solitude. However, "I'm thinking of checking out that new cafe - wanna come?" demonstrates that you are sociable, interesting and fun to spend time with.

Note that it's important to consider you and to consider her. I had a girl bring me a stuffed gargoyle from the Disney store because she'd been to my place once and had noticed that everyone else used to buy me gargoyles (it's true). This demonstrated (A) she had paid attention but not enough to notice I hate Disney (B) she was thinking of me (C) she spends a lot of time at malls. From her perspective it was a nice, thoughtful gift and I took it as such. That relationship lasted four years. Later, I started dating a girl that had never gone hiking and was coming out of a difficult marriage that drained all her resources. I bought her a $200 pair of hiking boots. This demonstrated (A) that I wanted her to share my passions without any impediment (B) that I was very much not her soon-to-be-ex-husband (C) that I was willing to spend extravagantly on her. It was a risk - that's much too big a present for early on, particularly if $200 is dear to you - but it was a successful gambit. We're going on 15 years.

"Too much" is "I'm here, reminding you that I'm here." "Too much" is the "facebook poke" of relationships. "Not enough" is "I've heard I need to be distant so she doesn't freak out." IT'S NOT THAT. It's that you shouldn't say anything if you have nothing to say.

Courtship is about imagining someone else in your life and inviting them to dream with you. If you work at it from that perspective you'll gain some clarity on a process that both genders work diligently to obscure.

kleinbl00  ·  161 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Jeff Kunzler: Against Minimalism A Plea for Cyberpunk

Oh shit now you did it.

About a week ago I gave rd95 an absurd quest: To find some horror comics from the late '60s or early '70s, look in the back for a page that was nothing but head-shop posters, and find me the one that looks like a dude sitting alone in a crystal labyrinth. It is an image seared in my brain thirty or more years ago, the most striking vestige of a collection of horror comics I inherited from my cousin Larry and sold wholesale two years later, a time capsule from another era I had not quite forgotten. It is an image I have looked for off and on for twenty or more years, the "holy grail" poster of my past that I have never been able to let go of. I promised him an assortment of mid '60s Popular Mechanics from my deceased grandparents' house as reward.

It took him half a day.

This is the past future that defines me: a semi-absurdist pop-culture future in which nuclear annihilation is a foregone conclusion and that which comes later will be gacked to the nines and spired out like Metropolis.

It doesn't help that I've effectively retreated into No Man's Sky to get away from my neighborhood. The future, as presented by No Man's Sky, belongs to Ralph McQuarrie and Syd Mead, not Jony Ive and Dieter Rams. It is a messy lines-of-coke, acoustic-coupling, MICR-E13B future where n times apple times pear equals three and where the driving ethos is wonder, not smug self-satisfaction. You know what has always bugged me? I can get this shit all day:

But apparently no one has even thought of selling me one of these.

It's funny - twenty five years gone and I find myself nostalgic for ugly shit. Say what you will about the Soviet design bureaus, they had an ethos.

_____________________________________________________

I think we're turning a corner, though. I've been in the market for cars and there are an astonishing number of boring ones out there. But at the same time, the Japanese are apparently feeling their Akira. Just in the past year we've gone from this:

to this:

And from this:

to this:

and while five years ago the articles were all "ZOMGJONYIVESQUEEE" they're now all "FANBOIHURRRGHWHARRRGARBL" and aside from the exquisitely dull world of personal electronics, things might be going the other direction.

One need only look up "LED chandelier" to see that the Pacific Rim is not waiting for us. And I embrace their adventure.

kleinbl00  ·  222 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: July 13, 2016

Do not compete.

Repeat: DO NOT COMPETE.

This is not your game. You cannot afford to get good. You want a dwelling, not an investment. You do not have access to the resources the other players do. Your goals are different. Your wishes are different. You are a mark among the whales and they will scoop you up like so much krill.

You know what no one is competing for? Undeveloped land. I mean, yeah - stuff that can be subdivided is in stupid territory right now but if I recall correctly, there is no reason you need to live in or near a major city. Not only that, but you have an unparalleled work ethic and a preposterous amount of patience. Houses can be built cheaply if you're patient and doing your own work. Find a place you love and make it your own. NOBODY is competing against you in that game.

kleinbl00  ·  252 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: June 12, 2016 Orlando Nightclub Shooting, discussionx 3

So did you change their mind?

Did they change yours?

Did you learn anything?

Did they?

Did you come up with a solution?

Did they convince you their way forward was better?

Or did you all just sit around, rending your shirts, politicizing the fuck out of the scantest information to prop your opinions up with someone else's blood?

I'm a fuckin' idiot. I grew up drinking lead. I shoulda been dead of nuclear war by 1986, AIDS by 1989, the greenhouse effect by 2000 and fuckin' Monsanto or some shit by 2012 but I'm still here, you're still here, we're all still here and evil walks the earth, forever and ever amen.

We got people here "remembering" fuckin' Roseburg. I got mayonnaise older than that shooting. Know what I remember? San Ysidro. Crazy fuckers have long been walking into restaurants and killing people.

We got people here insisting it was a hate crime and therefore somehow worse. Right. Because every gathering of small children is an act of bravery since Sandy Hook, right? Every act of sleeping in a sorority an act of bravery since Santa Barbara (or hey - how 'bout since fuckin' Richard Speck?) And every summer camp an act of bravery since Breivik.

And of course, it's "radical islam." Hey, know what? If the FBI investigates you twice and doesn't pull the trigger, that means you're a citizen. "Oh, by the way, up with ISIS! allahu akbar! TTYL!" So which personal liberties shall we give up this time so you can feel more safe at night? Who shall we profile?

Clearly, it's those evil assault rifles. Except Dunblane was handguns. Osaka was a kitchen knife. Oklahoma City was fertilizer and diesel. I'm sure the NRA is to blame for this if we only triangulate our self-righteousness properly.

LOOK AT ME I HAVE A POINT AND NOW IT'S GOT BLOOD ON IT. LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO ME!

This is a country where you are innocent until proven guilty. That lets a lot of evil through. Always has, always will. What do these post-mortems always look like? "Oh, we missed the signs." "Oh, fingers pointed at agency X for dropping the ball." "Oh, those evil muslims." "Oh, those evil politicians." "Oh, my guy is better than your guy." "Oh, my path is of righteousness and thou art on the road to hell." MILLIONS of muslims woke up yesterday morning and didn't drive to a gay bar to shoot it up. MILLIONS of gun owners did not plot to overthrow America. Go for a walk in your neighborhood. You will find no one that is any closer to killing you all today than they were yesterday.

Should guns be harder to get? In my opinion, hell yeah. Would it have made a difference here? Hell no. How long were Harris and Klebold scheming to shoot up Columbine? Well, they'd been in and out of juvie for six months. They made a video - for school - in which they pantomimed killing their classmates. Give a vaguely resourceful psycho a six-month head start and he doesn't need guns.

In this modern world, with these modern liberties, we are dependent on the social compact to preserve our fundamental freedom. I like social compacts that are peer-oriented. I dislike top-down autocracies. Has the TSA made you safer? How 'bout PRISM?

Someone out there doesn't like your face. They don't like your lifestyle, your god, your diet, your shoes. If they're a vaguely normal human, they keep it to themselves. If they're mildly unhinged, they take to the internet. If they are bleeding asymptote crazy they might just saddle up and go practice suicide by cop. This? This is no bueno.

But you know what?

I'm sorry that the crazies scare you. I Grew up with this shit and you people scare me more. You live in a country that loves Tarantino, loves Deadpool, loves Dirty Harry and fucking adores guns and evil will pluck that like grapes from a vine. So keep celebrating Scorsese out of one side of your mouth and decrying Travis Bickle out of the other - that's the dichotomy of America and fuckin' A, I'm used to it. You're used to it. Culturally, this is the choice we've made.

But quit pretending that shit would be different if only your politics dominated. You may be right, you may be wrong, you may be wise you may be crazy but dipping your arguments in someone else's blood doesn't make you right, it makes you ghoulish.

kleinbl00  ·  285 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: May 11, 2016

Listen up, Grasshopper.

"Love" is not about finding the "kind of person you want" it's about finding someone who revises your requirements. The person you will love will or will not read Mindy Kaling. Either way, you will forgive her. The person you love will convince you to stay in when you want to go to the sunset and convince you to go to the sunset when you want to stay in.

Love is about buttressing our identities, not about defining ourselves by our choices and our tastes. Love makes solitude effortless and sharing an assumption. Love is not additive or subtractive, it is multiplicative. Therefore, we must not be zeroes when we operate.

There's this assumption amongst the lonelyhearts of early adulthood that love is "filling the void." Those who are happy in love are those who have tended to their own voids as you are doing. We do not "complete" each other. We stack.

My wife's taste in music sucks. I think in the past ten years she's bought a Norah Jones CD, and maybe an Iron & Wine. THAT'S IT. Over a thirteen year relationship I have determined that she fundamentally dislikes music that includes "bass" and "drums." Early on, I told her that she was perfect except for her taste in music. She laughed at me and said "I can buy my music at Fred Meyer. You're the one that needs to buy obscure, out-of-print German bands that howl at each other." She's right. And she won't come to my concerts, and that's fine because everything else matters so much more.

"Love" will challenge your ideas about love, and you'll love it. But you're right, and you're on the right track.

You have to be up for the challenge, and that starts within.

kleinbl00  ·  308 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Insomnia bothers

Yeah, my mother in law does that.

So check it - you can fuckin' do something about it or you can miss out on your family, your friends, events, gatherings and shit that's important to you well into your 60s. Sitting on the computer until dawn doesn't sound so bad when you're 19. Lemme tell ya - a 68-year-old that can't come to breakfast because she was up until 6am playing Solitaire does not have the same charm.

    The first thing I did when I came here to study was look up sleep laboratories. I vowed to finally get looked at. But being freed from the strict schedule of school and a dozen curricular activities quickly led me to believe that it wasn't all that bad: Just take classes that start later! And holy shit, hubski, it got really fucking bad. Everything I experienced in school was tame. In retrospect, pressure from my parents kept me together pretty well. I might've only gotten three hours of sleep a night, but I funtioned pretty well. As soon I had the choice between skipping classes and activities and getting sleep, sleep won out increasingly more often. And then I woke up so late it wasn't worth it to cycle to uni for one last class, so I skipped that too. I became somewhat of a hermit.

This is the part where we're supposed to be nice and supportive and say there there it's gonna be all right and bullshit like that but I'm not like other mommies. TOUGHEN THE FUCK UP and address your problems. You know what the issues are, you know what the solutions are, you acknowledge that you function with external motivation but here you are, pussing out and begging for sympathy when you've slapped problem AND solution on the page. You could need chemo. You could need dialysis. You could need transfusing. But no, you need a nap and it's too much work to arrange your sleep schedule in such a way that you can get help arranging your sleep schedule.

My schedule in college? Wake at 7, go to class, come home at 1, sleep til 4, go to work, work til 3, come home, sleep til 7. That's a max of 6 hours if I had no homework. Then I did 80 hours a week while also spending 3 hours a day working on films. And exercising. So for about half of your life, I held down a job, got a degree, and got a short film into 23 festivals on a whacked-to-shit sleep schedule.

But no one's asking you to do that. All you need to do is toughen the fuck up until you can pick up the tools necessary.

Hey, read this part again:

    In retrospect, pressure from my parents kept me together pretty well. I might've only gotten three hours of sleep a night, but I funtioned pretty well.

You've got two choices: you can either meet some lovely girl/boy who will love you and adore you and admire you and help you through life and prop you up and become that external motivation you are no longer getting from your parents, or you can solve your own fucking problems and be on equal footing with the people who matter to you. 'cuz my mom did an exceptional job of staying up 'til 4am drinking and then sleeping through the day and lemme tell ya - this insomnia shit of yours externalizes right the fuck all over everyone who matters to you.

    I can't count the times I've had to decline going out or a party because I knew I wouldn't be awake at the time.

Right. And they invited you because they thought you might enjoy it. They really didn't give a fuck one way or the other, right? Entirely up to you, nobody cares whether you live or die, you're just a dude with a sleep problem, it's not like you're being a royal pain in the ass to everybody you know or something.

I got neighbors. They got a grandkid who's over a lot. He's 7. His dad's 35. I've known him since he was early 20s. He married a girl in a wheelchair and they clearly love each other. at some point while we were in LA, my neighbors made their entire house wheelchair-accessible. I seriously doubt any of them resent her, and I have no doubt that they're a happy family, working their asses off to make it through. But I also know that it'd be harder to have sympathy if the thing keeping her in the chair were inertia.

You got problems. I get it. You hate yourself for it. I get that, too. But there's this core of selfishness at the heart of all "I don't have the gumption to heal myself" that's deeply unattractive to me, and I'm calling you on it. You want some external motivation? look me in the eye, mutherfucker.

Get your shit together.

kleinbl00  ·  320 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: April 6, 2016

So as it turns out, I'm not my mother.

It's useful to be reminded of this because whenever I lose patience with my kid, the specter of my mother looms behind me. It's useful because whenever I'm depressed and feeling needy, my mother's face stares back at me from behind my forehead. And it's interesting to note that my clearest memories of my mother's parenting involve half-full jelly jars full of Franzia sloshing around and a shaky barefoot thing in terrycloth shorts towering over me shouting "most mommies say they love their children even when they're angry but I'm not most mommies and if you cross me right now I will FUCKING KILL YOU" and perfectly reasonable conversations on Sunday afternoons about how she never wanted kids in the first place so it's pleasantly surprising we turned out okay anyway and my memories still fall short of the reality.

She's medicated now, so that's useful. My biggest apprehension was that she'd scar my kid for life, but discovering that we were opening a birth center with a (gasp) profit motive was enough to flip her switch from "manic" to "depressive" so she spent the bulk of her visit under a haze of lorazepam, two of which my daughter found on the floor after they left. And I was able to get the raised beds in and half the yard thatched because rather than entertain them all weekend, they holed up in my bedroom and slept all day such that we were incapable of, you know, getting clothes and stuff. She would occasionally send her husband out to request food, usually an hour or two after we mentioned in passing on their way to the bathroom that meals would be prepared. The food requested rarely aligned with the meals prepared. At one point my stepfather was instructed to accompany me to the store because I cannot be trusted to purchase canned soup.

And that's an interesting one, too. My relationship with my stepfather is complex but objectively speaking, he's the best grandparent my side of the family can produce. He can hold a conversation, he's healthy and hale, he expresses interest in small people and he remembers names. My stepmonster is a quaint fellow that bears a striking resemblance to Dr. Huer from Buck Rogers that can take my daughter out on her pushbike for an hour and a half. I had lengthy discussions with him about Umberto Eco and Zoroastrianism. He's a career bureaucrat with the federal government whose exceedingly piss-poor taste in women happens to benefit my current family and my aims greatly while also destroying my former family. Which, hey, needed to be destroyed from before I was born. So... emotions are complex around that one.

The couch, as it turns out, isn't a bad place to sleep. Other than the fact that you can't cuddle with your loved one. We spent 4 days there. My mother took one shower the entire time, but never changed her clothes. She's long been fond of polyester blends and has always considered deodorant to be a plot of the patriarchy; I had to smuggle it in as a teenager. But the laundry is done (WASH ALL THE THINGS) and they're a memory and I will never be my mother.

My father has had a new girlfriend for about five years now. She's compulsive and a hoarder. As my father put it "I went from one crazy woman to another, but at least this one's just crazy. The first one was crazy and mean." It was interesting me to see her deprived of alcohol, medicated to the gills, sort of a Mrs. Potatohead of disdain and flatulence. She never lashed out, she never hit anyone, her verbal pyrotechnics were much diminished, but her face pinched up in disapproval every time anyone but her husband spoke. It was like watching a trigger pulled on an empty gun. You're safe, but you know that someone wants you dead.

And it's easier grappling with my bullshit emotions surrounding money when I recognize what a truly crazy place they come from. My sister described my parents as "antipreneurial" and commented that the last time my mother flipped the switch while visiting her, it was because she floated the idea of flipping houses with her housing-contractor husband. Never mind the fact that the stepmonster owned an 8-plex and flipped a half-dozen houses with his dead wife; if we do it, it's because we're yuppie scum. Pretty easy to look down your nose at people when you're pulling down a 95% government pension until you die and social security and, somehow, not sure how she wrangled this, a $3k a month alimony payment even though she remarried.

There are about two pickup truck bed's worth of plumbing fixtures in boxes in the spare bedroom. Faucetdirect.com had a sale that ended March 31 and our contractor is still a few weeks out from plumbing. Home Depot, for their part, canceled part of our order because who the fuck orders five sinks?

I do. Because I'm a filthy fucking capitalist.

But at least I'm not a mean filthy fucking capitalist.

kleinbl00  ·  358 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: How To Be Mean To Your Kids [The Last Psychiatrist]

Goddamn it.

    An inner city psychiatrist sees 20-40 people a day. 15 minute med checks, which in a city is 5 or 10 minutes. "Any major symptoms? Suicidality? Side effects? Here's your refill." You try and pull that off in a suburban area and the Feds will be shooting your dog to access your backdoor.

I knew that guy. Compass Mental Health. There, and he was also the one lone psychiatrist at the rural clinic in Gray's Harbor County. He also did some private practice for the rich kidz. Rich kids? 90 minutes. Downtown Seattle? 10 minutes each. Gray's Harbor? 5-7 minutes, once a week. In '97.

    And there's plenty of money to be made for the entrepreneurial. If you want to be rich in inner city psychiatry (and you don't have to be a doc), you open a clinic and hire 1 psychiatrist and lots of (talk) therapists, usually social workers. Medicaid will pay for 1 therapy visit per week (around $60/hr) and a 15 minute med check with the doc ($40/visit). The doc usually gets salaried but proportionally takes 50% of that. Let him have it all. The therapist, however, gets very little-- $20/hr.

Goddamn it. Yep. Social workers were making $17 an hour. And he was making enough to justify driving eight hours round trip every week for one day a week. Doing state work.

Fuck you. Badged.

I'm going to correct a few of your misconceptions.

1) "It facilitates that desired community very well exactly because a crude community of immaturity could exist on the same site and not touch their conversation. But that crude community is never given the chance."

This is simply not true.

Let's be honest: There's a core of maybe 50 people that essentially keep the lights on in here. This page shows the community, essentially. A lot of it is old. Some of it is new. We all remember when nowaypablo showed up because suddenly he was everywhere and he added a lot. Existentialist, on the other hand, has been here less than a month and is already contributing lots of content. Who remembers when the CIRCLEJERKERS showed up? Nobody... because they left. Who remembers when Laurelei showed up? Nobody... because the Circlebroke posse left, too. There's a large percentage of Reddit that thinks Hubski was founded by Syncretic, because he bailed on Reddit, flashed around here for a week, then went back to Reddit... but he left essentially no mark here.

2) "The site hasn't seen an influx of waste in its gutters because not enough people are there to dump things in."

Au contraire. All one needs to do is wait for Reddit to get mad. As I recall, you were here for one wave, forgot your username, then came back and were annoyed that the username you wanted was already taken (by you). We've had plenty of "waste in our gutters." The thing is, the community that sticks around here is self-reinforcing and self-refreshing while the other communities that attempt to exploit what Hubski offers... aren't.

I'm not willing to say the hubski crew has built a bomb-proof site, but it really does seem that the architecture and interface of the site supports the community we all want and doesn't support the community we don't.

3) "The second is, maybe this is just the work of a strong personality. Klein is a strong personality. I have a hunch he would be the first person to tell you that. If that's true, there might just be a case of "this town's not big enough for the two of us" and instead of trying to create a different atmosphere, new cowboys just move on to greener pastures."

Certainly. However, as I've said, me and _wage worked out just fine, despite the fact that we really didn't get along. theadvancedapes and I are civil, despite the fact that we are about 100% diametrically opposed on most things. yellowoftops likes to snark at me but he's still here and has been. My interactions with insom are pretty much archetypal: strong people interact, conflict, grow, accept and cherish. We aren't all gonna be bosom buddies but if we all have something to add, we all have reason to stick around.

People do get pushed out. We've lost a lot of good ones (and I include _wage in that list, despite the fact that I wouldn't trust her as far as I could spit). But the community maintains an attractive level of discourse that persists.

You have a lot of theories. We have a lot of practice. What you see is what we've built. Not me, not mk, not thenewgreen, not anybody, but everybody. We're invested in it, so it reflects what we like.

That's essentially what defines a community.

kleinbl00  ·  429 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Why ISIS has the potential to be a world-altering revolution

Okay, I threw it a life preserver. Begin, Dee Squition.

1)

    To understand the revolution, my research team has conducted dozens of structured interviews and behavioural experiments with youth in Paris, London and Barcelona, as well as with captured ISIS fighters in Iraq and members of Jabhat al-Nusra (Al-Qaeda’s affiliate in Syria).

So I'm not going to pick this whole thing apart like that because that's lame but I will say that anecdotal studies (such as It's Complicated by danah boyd, who uses no caps in her name) aren't really evidence-based, they're narrative-based and that narrative tends to emphasize the point that the researcher wants to make. "Dozens of interviews" makes you a journalist, not a statistician.

2) I've noticed a lot more press recently explaining the appeal of ISIS, the ideology of ISIS, the history of ISIS, the material support of ISIS. I think it's unfair to say "there is little recognition of its genuine appeal, and even less of the joy it engenders. " More accurately, I'd say that the world is currently going "huh, holy shit. People are still joining ISIS. What the fuck is going on?"

3) 80 years ago all the Kool Kidz were running off to join the Spanish Civil War. Prior to that, people were fuckin' in love with the Bolsheviks. It's not at all unusual for disaffected youth to fall in with counterculture. I can't be the only dude who remembers how many kidz went Fundie when they went off to college? There's this big "who the fuck am I" period between 15 and 30 that cults feed on. Religion welcomes it. Shit, all those tables at Freshman Orientation live for it. And hey -

4) waywardsamurai - drop a beat about all the bullshit associated with being a black muslim in Boulder so we can pepper that on top of growing up in the ghetto in Paris. It's bullshit being muslim right now. Somehow you became the bad guy. Funny thing - nobody held "christians" to account when David Koresh went batshit. 1.6 billion muslims in the world and about 1.6 billion of them have no interest in joining ISIS. Stupid thing is a lot of them are bodily running from ISIS but we've decided they're terrorists. You think that's disaffecting?

5) But that doesn't make it potent. That doesn't make it successful. That doesn't make it strategically advantageous. Why is it that clever people will talk about holy shit ISIS but they aren't even vaguely holy shit Boko Haram?

    “Imagine if the Ku Klux Klan or Aryan Nation obtained total control of Texas and had at its disposal all the oil revenues, and used this money to establish a network of well-endowed schools and colleges all over Christendom peddling their particular brand of Christianity. This is what the Saudis have done with Wahhabism. The oil money has enabled them to spread this fanatical, destructive form of Islam all over the Muslim world and among Muslims in the west. Without oil and the creation of the Saudi kingdom, Wahhabism would have remained a lunatic fringe in a marginal country.”

- Bernard Fucking Lewis, whipping-boy of every Islamic writer

Look - we give the Saudis shit-tons of money for shit-tons of oil so they can buy shit-tons of guns with it. And they chop the hands off people who steal and stone adulterers to death and shit. Oh, but they don't have terrorists! Except, you know, 15 of the 19 9/11 hijackers and shit. But fuckadoodledoo! ISIS! World-changing!

6) So sure. Preamble with Robspierre. Whip out Hobbes, follow up with Darwin, pull Terence The Slave out of your ass then flip in a little bit about pressure cookers, even though the Boston Bombers were Chechnynan and didn't give the first fuck about ISIS. Then wander into Burke and Hitler (?) (!). It won't change the fact that a bunch of angry dudes in the wasteland with Premiere and a sociopathic streak are a geopolitical tragedy, not a "world-altering revolution." Muthafuckin' followers of ibn Taymiyyah have wanted the goddamn Caliphate since the Ottomans fell.

Wanting something doesn't make it any more or less likely.

something something Sumer. Sweet jesus christ, this is Argument By the Tome.

kleinbl00  ·  519 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Hubski, what's the best thing you can do for yourself after a breakup?x 2

Self-improvement.

Tell yourself "Self, we can do better. Let's get some." No need to buy a gym membership, but it's a great time to re-evaluate what you eat and why, how you exercise and why, and what's important to you and why.

What hobbies have you let slide because she wasn't into them? Revisit those. What music haven't you been listening to because she hates it? Cue up that playlist. What places have you wanted to visit but haven't because she was lukewarm? Plan a voyage. This is a chance to revisit "you as you" instead of "you as reflected in someone else."

There are aspects of your personality and self-image that have improved because of her. Embrace those and welcome them. There may be aspects of your behavior and regard that have degraded because of her. Dismiss them. One of the golden-age movie moguls used to celebrate whenever a famous person died because that meant they could finally do a biopic; without an ending, you can't really put someone's life in perspective. Now that your relationship has an ending, you can put it in perspective - what was it good for? What was bad about it? What will you miss? What will you not miss?

There's a psychological process we must go through before we are ready to be with someone again. It's a process of recentering, re-evaluating our wants and desires and reacquainting ourselves with ourselves. The people we are after a long relationship are not the people we were before a long relationship and our two selves must meet, get to know each other and merge. This is an active process and one which we must experience largely in solitude. Not to say you need to eschew the company of others, but recognize that the void you feel inside can only be filled by you. It's a you-shaped hole and only you know what to plant in it.

Fair warning - this void you feel is visible from the outside. It can be sensed. It will be avoided by others. You will not find someone new (someone of quality, anyway) until you have filled it. Note that the more you fill it, the greater the content you add to your life, the more attractive you will be to external observers.

Don't ask us for movies and music. Ask yourself a year ago for all that stuff you didn't get a chance to check out and check it out.

Good luck. These are hard, formative experiences and no one enjoys going through them. I think we can all agree, however, that they make us what we are.

kleinbl00  ·  528 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Is There Anything Good About Men?

It's not, actually. You're just too busy being offended to notice. Read the section headlined "Stereotypes at Harvard." There's a point being made, but since that point flies in the face of "women are underrepresented because patriarchy" you tuned out and went full snark, zero refutation.

It's not even a complicated argument. Here - I'll spell it out simply:

Because it takes one womb to create one child, women are effectively assured reproduction. On the other hand, one man can have countless progeny which requires men to compete with each other in order to reproduce. This competition has genetically selected for diversity in male behavior while the assurance of reproduction in women has genetically selected for homogeny.

How 'bout simpler?

Men have to stick out and take risks if they want to have kids, while women have to survive. A man who does nothing to distinguish himself is unlikely to reproduce, while a woman who strives to distinguish herself actually reduces her ability to reproduce through undue risk.

The key phrase is actually in the text:

    Almost certainly, it is something biological and genetic. And my guess is that the greater proportion of men at both extremes of the IQ distribution is part of the same pattern. Nature rolls the dice with men more than women. Men go to extremes more than women. It’s true not just with IQ but also with other things, even height: The male distribution of height is flatter, with more really tall and really short men.

Here's how that reveals itself in GPA, with women earning better grades than men:

    A pattern of more men at both extremes can create all sorts of misleading conclusions and other statistical mischief. To illustrate, let’s assume that men and women are on average exactly equal in every relevant respect, but more men at both extremes. If you then measure things that are bounded at one end, it screws up the data to make men and women seem significantly different. Consider grade point average in college. Thanks to grade inflation, most students now get A’s and B’s, but a few range all the way down to F. With that kind of low ceiling, the high-achieving males cannot pull up the male average, but the loser males will pull it down. The result will be that women will get higher average grades than men — again despite no difference in average quality of work.

Here's how it reveals itself in the workplace, with women earning less pay than men:

    The opposite result comes with salaries. There is a minimum wage but no maximum. Hence the high-achieving men can pull the male average up while the low-achieving ones can’t pull it down. The result? Men will get higher average salaries than women, even if there is no average difference on any relevant input. Today, sure enough, women get higher college grades but lower salaries than men. There is much discussion about what all this means and what should be done about it. But as you see, both facts could be just a statistical quirk stemming from male extremity.

The article presents a statistical, evolutionary argument for why women get the shaft academically, professionally and historically without resorting to "the patriarchy." Simply put, it says that the basic underpinnings of society were created by men to one-up other men and that historically, women largely opted out because the fundamental unit of female society is smaller than the fundamental unit of male society. It goes on to say that there's conflict now because we're reshaping our society to fit women into the larger context.

But you were too busy literally getting your panties in a twist.

'member this? That's yet another example of the most controversial words I've ever committed to the internet:

    Not to put too fine a point on it, but a half dozen generations ago you bitches were de-facto property. If we wanted in your pantaloons we'd fucking ask your dad, not you. So next time you get all catty and bitchy about shit, remember that we're dealing with our instincts in your world and try not to be too fucking complicated about it.

It's part of an argument whereby I point out that both genders are adjusting to a changing social dynamic and that we ought to account for and understand the deficiencies both genders are dealing with. But, like countless times before, somebody completely lost their shit over the "a half dozen generations ago you bitches were de-facto property" part...

...without recognizing that not only is that painted as something bad, it happens to be true.

You came in looking for a "rah rah men's rights" argument so superheated that you literally ignored everything that wouldn't give it to you. And you're better than that. And you looked at it, and said "who the fuck badged this", and snarked the fuck out of it, and I called you on it, and you called it "a silly article with a rather pointless premise" instead of wondering what,

exactly,

I saw in it.

And I'm better than that and you know it.

kleinbl00  ·  542 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: The challange of making friends as an adult

Strap in, 'cuz I unshipped the Truth Cannon.

______________________________________________________________________________

The article is a fumbling assemblage of anecdotes attempting to blast in the general direction of the truth via shotgun. To wit:

    In your 30s and 40s, plenty of new people enter your life, through work, children’s play dates and, of course, Facebook. But actual close friends — the kind you make in college, the kind you call in a crisis — those are in shorter supply.

Friends are people you are willing to obligate. We're more polite as we grow older and less needy of others' help. As such, we're less likely to obligate someone to help us - "I feel like shit, come over and cheer me up" - "I took a pounding in the market, come grab a beer with me" and thus less likely to form those "OMG he broke up with me" bonds. Doesn't mean the process isn't exactly the same with the exact same outcome.

    That thought struck Lisa Degliantoni, an educational fund-raising executive in Chicago, a few months ago when she was planning her 39th birthday party. After a move from New York to Evanston, Ill., she realized that she had 857 Facebook friends and 509 Twitter followers, but still did not know if she could fill her party’s invitation list. “I did an inventory of the phases of my life where I’ve managed to make the most friends, and it was definitely high school and my first job,” she said.

Holy shit - you mean she moved a thousand miles from home and had trouble finding in-the-flesh people to congregate with? COLOR ME SHOCKED!

    After a divorce in his 40s, Robert Glover, a psychotherapist in Bellevue, Wash., realized that his roster of friends had quietly atrophied for years as he focused on career and family.

"Man who was a shitty friend finds himself friendless"

    As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other, said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.

Keep your eye on this sentence. The author is going to pretend she didn't write it when she brings up children in a few paragraphs.

    Differences in professional status and income also complicate matters. “It really does get weird when your friends are making tons more than you, or tons less,” said Adriane Duckworth, a former marketing executive now working as an artist in Hamilton, Ontario. She recently welcomed a promising new couple into her circle of friends, but they quickly turned people off with their obsession with money.

AND NOW YOU KNOW WHY COUNTRY CLUBS EXIST

    “At our wedding, other friends of ours who were seated with them actually complained to us afterward about the couple who was asking everyone how much money they made,” said Ms. Duckworth, 32. “People who made less felt uncomfortable discussing it, and people who made the same or more just felt it was weird to talk about it so nonchalantly.”

This just in: people who are boors at weddings make terrible friends

    ADDING children to the mix muddles things further. Suddenly, you are surrounded by a new circle of parent friends — but the emotional ties can be tenuous at best, as the comedian Louis C. K. related in one stand-up routine: “I spend whole days with people, I’m like, I never would have hung out with you, I didn’t choose you. Our children chose each other. Based on no criteria, by the way. They’re the same size.”

Hmmm - this sounds familiar - I'm almost sure that "a new circle of parent friends" is "proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other." So how, exactly, do parent groups make it harder to make friends?

    Caryl Lyons, an event planner in Danville, Calif., and her husband found a budding friendship with a parent-friend couple hit a roadblock when their young sons, who had been close friends, drifted apart. When the families planned a barbecue together, her son would say, “Can I have my other friends over?” said Ms. Lyons, 44.

"Only if you also invite their parents!"

    External factors are not the only hurdle. After 30, people often experience internal shifts in how they approach friendship.

FOR A SELECT GROUP OF PEOPLE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH

    Thayer Prime, a 32-year-old strategy consultant who lives in London, has even developed a playful 100-point scale (100 being “best friend forever”). In her mind, she starts to dock new friend candidates as they begin to display annoying or disloyal behavior. Nine times out of 10, she said, her new friends end up from 30 to 60, or little more than an acquaintance.

You think this bitch has a 100-point furniture rating scale? Or a 100-point chinese takeout-rating scale? No, she just sits there silently judging everyone she hangs out with and wonders why they let her down.

    “My ideas of friendship were built by ‘The Godfather’ and ‘Diner,’ ” he said. “Your friends were your brothers, and anything but total loyalty at all costs meant excommunication. As you get older, that model becomes unrealistic.”

How many friends you think this guy had as a kid? 'cuz either he's remembering things a lot more rigidly or the fucker has always been forever alone.

    Some, like Ms. Degliantoni, the fund-raising executive, simply downsize their expectations. “I take an extremely efficient approach and seek out like-minded folks to fill very specific needs,” she said of her current strategy. “I have a cocktail friend and a book friend and a parenting friend and several basketball friends and a neighbor friend and a workout friend.”

Says the chick with "857 Facebook friends and 509 Twitter followers" who "did not know if she could fill her party’s invitation list".

    After a move to New York in his 30s, Dave Cervini, a radio station executive, was so lonely that he would walk his cat in Central Park, hoping to stoke conversations.

After imitating a psychopath, Dave Cervini discovered that if he conducted his friendship quests entirely over the Internet he no longer had to leave his associations up to organic events.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Now that the NYT's merry band of psychopaths is out of the way, here's the truth of the matter:

When you're over-scheduled and under-accepting of others, you will find that you have a hard time maintaining relationships.

Los Angeles is the worst for this. The place has a remarkable amount of impedance for lack of a better term - it's just a stone-cold pain in the ass to get out and do something. Last Saturday I headed over to a co-worker's place for a couple hours. It was an eight mile drive. I was there for an hour and a half. That cooked off my afternoon from 11am until 4:30pm. If you do not make a concerted effort to see someone with regularity, you will cease to see them, despite the fact that you get along gangbusters. Worse, both sides have to be committed. If one of you calls up and says "let's go to breakfast!" the other of you needs to be willing to say "I am willing to forego eating for the next two hours and punch a 5-hour hole in my day to hang out with you for an hour and a half." It doesn't take a genius to observe that it ain't much like dorm life.

If you start going "is this person really worth 5 hours of my time" then you're already making an economic assessment and you will let that person drop from your life sooner or later. If you had fun with them last time, though, you'll have fun with them next time, and every time you revisit those social connections you reinforce them.

Two tuesdays ago I was supposed to have lunch with a buddy. It didn't work out. He suggested coffee or beer. I told him to come over for dinner and to bring his wife. Then another friend called up and wanted to know what I was up to. I told him to bring his girlfriend. So at 11am I'd already committed to spending my afternoon cooking for six people. It cost me $70 to hang out with friends on a Tuesday. And it was absolutely, positively 100% worth it, even if I stopped talking to one of them for a week two days later (deadlines that were not mentioned). That's a reinforcement of the value of friendship and you know what? I DON'T CARE that neither of them would put together a tuesday evening dinner because it isn't about reciprocity, it's about friendship. Me? I like to entertain. Thus I have a house that's great for entertaining and will throw down with the barbecue and margaritas on a moment's notice. Thus, I have a lot of friends. Thus, I think this article is utter hogwash; a ham-handed excuse for people with guarded hearts to feel better about the fact that they have no one to hang out with on weekends.

Know what I did yesterday? I braved an hour of white-lining the 405 at rush hour in 103 degree weather so I could get to work 3 hours early so I could sit outside on Ventura blvd in that same weather while two friends showed up 45 minutes late. Know why they wanted to get together? They have a friend who's moving to Seattle and they thought he should know a person or two and I'm the only person they know in Seattle (even if I'm not there yet). And it was so fucking hot it gave me a headache and I ended up sitting at a pretentious "gastropub" eating a $5 pretzel, drinking an $8 lager and reading a kindle while they failed to show up on time and I'd do it again today if they asked.

Because I like having friends.

kleinbl00  ·  545 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Personality Insights about You Delivered by IBM's Watson

And from the oh holy shit department, Ted Kaczynski's Unibomber Manifesto:

    You are shrewd, skeptical and can be perceived as indirect.

    You are philosophical: you are open to and intrigued by new ideas and love to explore them. You are unconcerned with art: you are less concerned with artistic or creative activities than most people who participated in our surveys. And you are unstructured: you do not make a lot of time for organization in your daily life.

    Your choices are driven by a desire for prestige.

    You are relatively unconcerned with both taking pleasure in life and tradition. You prefer activities with a purpose greater than just personal enjoyment. And you care more about making your own path than following what others have done.

2% agreeableness. 100% Intellect. 97% Authority Challenging. 1% Orderliness. 3% Hedonism.

This thing is more fun than a magic 8 ball.

kleinbl00  ·  546 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Are you scared to post?

Spoken like someone who knows nothing about doxxing.

The first half of the violentacrez/Michael Brutsch saga was a bunch of trolls thinking it'd be hilarious to spread the notion that Dante was in jail for molesting his son... for the lulz. Since Reddit refused to do anything about it, but told me if I could catch them doing other things worthy of getting shadowbanned (important shit, like "altering their CSS") they'd hop right on it, so I spent a year drawing their fire to give them something to do other than destroy the chances of a loving father ever hanging out with his son.

Violentacrez thought this was hilarious because he thought I was way too uptight, so he modded all of those trolls in /r/jailbait, which got it banned for the first time (because reddit is nothing if not inconsistent). That wasn't quite lulzy enough, though so one of them - whom he had become Facebook friends with - sold him out to Adrien Chen.

There was no part of it that was about "consequences." It was always about "I have no power but look, yes I do." Nobody is ever doxed because they deserve it - that's always a retconned backstop so that people like you can think there's some logic to it. And four years later, the Great Reddit Hate Machine starts saying "oh yeah maybe we ought not to encourage bored Russian teenagers to googlebomb the notion that one of our future employees is a child molester" but literally - Reddit still hasn't said shit about my fun'n'games with the circlejerkers, Dante and violentacrez. Alexis apologized to me privately but only to get me to shut up.

My wife? My wife got doxed because I mentioned in /r/skeptic that she delivered babies outside of a hospital. It was the comment after "someone should put your whore wife out of her misery."

Did I seriously expect anything to happen from it? No. But there's always that niggling doubt. That's how shabnameh has always worked. Is the Taliban really going to kill your daughter for going to school once the US leaves? Mmmmmmaybe not. But better to be safe than sorry, right?

    There is a very simple rule to some stuff on the internet: if you wouldn't do something away from the keyboard, don't do it at the keyboard and expect some arbitrary internet rules to save you.

It's simpler than that, really: if you piss off someone with more time and less morality than yourself, shit can go sideways. Pretending that your actions have fuckall to do with it is dangerously delusional.

Mr. "I use random strings for my logins because I burn my identities regularly."