I would have given the same advice had I known you were female. When one says "flirt" one presumes there's a little bit of sexual something there and that's all that matters. Boy/girl, girl/girl, boy/boy, yeah, you "flirt" differently but the end result is the same. I've always presumed the "there are no girls on the Internet" works both ways - I've seen first-hand the amount of bullshit one has to put up with when one is a girl on the Internet. If someone does not say "I'm a girl" I presume they'd prefer it not enter into the conversation. There is wisdom to this. The internet is a long goddamn way from gender-neutral. Generally the best move is to be gender-unspecified. Amusingly enough, Redditors often think I'm a woman. There is a subset of humanity that apparently believes one cannot dispense advice in an empathetic fashion without possessing ovaries.
> I would have given the same advice had I known you were female. That's good. That's the kind of reality I'd like to exist in. Unfortunately I don't think it's always true for a lot of people online. Your advice was harsh - but I appreciated it, in part because of its harshness - and I did wonder if it would have been less harsh if my gender had been known. > If someone does not say "I'm a girl" I presume they'd prefer it not enter into the conversation. There is wisdom to this. I'd agree...though I think it also still plays into the male-dominated nature of the internet/forums/whatever. A guy doesn't have to state he's a male in order for it to play into the discussion; the gender is assumed. I know I'm guilty of this - I for one assume all are male unless proven otherwise, and didn't realize insomniasexx was female at first. Of course, my chip-on-my-shoulder and determination to be treated "like any man" plays into that kind of patriarchy as well. Instead of wanting to prove I'm as good as members of other genders, I shouldn't feel that kind of pressure to "measure up" - in a perfect world, anyway, right? In the meantime I'll just be a pugnacious asshole. > Generally the best move is to be gender-unspecified. Yeah. I agree.
I get this a lot. I think it comes from working in an industry were there is no time for bullshit and where only your friends will be honest with you. You're right - much of The Internet sucks ass at empathy. Devil's advocacy: 1) Gender is one of the driving forces of interaction, regardless of your sexual persuasion. As Heinlein was wont to point out, eunochs do not create art. 2) There is no such thing as a gender-neutral person. Removing gender from a discussion is unnatural and alters the conversation. 3) Tradition holds the default gender to be male. This is not a GOOD thing, but it is a thing. So, in the unpoliced wilds of the internet where chances are good the person you're talking to IS male, it's natural to presume they're male and shape the conversation that way.That's good. That's the kind of reality I'd like to exist in. Unfortunately I don't think it's always true for a lot of people online. Your advice was harsh - but I appreciated it, in part because of its harshness - and I did wonder if it would have been less harsh if my gender had been known.
I'd agree...though I think it also still plays into the male-dominated nature of the internet/forums/whatever. A guy doesn't have to state he's a male in order for it to play into the discussion; the gender is assumed.
Now I don't feel as bad about not realizing you were female until...this morning. Honestly, it's not that I thought you were male, I just didn't think about it at all. During some posts I will visually imagine the person behind the computer screen similar to how one would envision characters in novels. But this only happens if the person is telling a story, if they are just talking about something they just sort of a gray blob or their gender doesn't even cross my mind. I wish I had read your brother/bar story before I knew you were female because it would be interesting if I would've seen it. I related to that story a lot - I have a little brother who has always played sports and been popular and has a douchey jock attitude sometimes. I might have thrust myself and my gender onto you because I relate to it so much. I'm not sure.I for one assume all are male unless proven otherwise, and didn't realize insomniasexx was female at first.
My brother, the biggest asshole I know. And until recently I was confused about why I went for asshole guys...until I realized that my brother and my relationship with him probably has something to do with it! If it's one of the models of 'affection' I've had in my life since day 1, it probably makes some sort of sense that I sometimes mistakenly go for that in dating relationships. Don't feel bad at all! I keep my gender somewhat quiet here (blew my cover with my poetry submissions a bit doe) on purpose.