She brings up many points of value, however I think she generalizes and looks at the idea too simply to really delve into the bigger truths. Sentences like this one are just to general and, IMO, pretty untrue. You can obviously find certain cases, like the washer/dryer one, that are probably pretty typical. But to flat out say such a huge statement like women are taught to deny our own happiness irks me and I don't agree at all.Women are taught from the beginning of our lives to deny our own happiness and independence in favor of making others happy. We are too often relegated to the back seat, made invisible, ignored.
I agree that this involves some simplifications. Do you think, though, that the Bridezilla cliche or trope or stereotype or whatever you want to call it describes a real trend in our culture or just a label that someone slapped on something you could find in any group of people anywhere? It seems like a real thing from the few weddings I've been involved in - it can change people in the time leading up to the event. If it's real, what else do you think figures into it?
Note: I'm not married, nor am I at the age where a ton of my friends are getting married. I might guess that another root cause for the Bridezilla phenomenon is that women are expecting a huge, lavish wedding and expecting to be the center of attention and expecting everything to go perfectly. However, events like this rarely go perfectly. I know from personal experience in non-wedding situations, the times when I get most disappointed and angry and even "psycho bitch" status is when I am expecting something and it doesn't happen. Little things like expecting to go to the beach on your one day off and instead the day gets wasted by things beyond your control. I realize that the anger is a byproduct of disappointment, however it doesn't change the anger in the moment. Also, weddings are extremely stressful periods of time and I find that stress doesn't help you manage or deal with your emotions properly. Instead of clearly expressing what you want/need in a way that others can understand and help you, you snap at people. When I'm stressed I feel like "I don't have the time to deal with this, just fucking do it" rather than taking a moment to calmly express what needs to happen. These two things combined are never good and probably contribute more to the bridezilla than "women are ignored except on their wedding day."
I do wedding photography, and shoot like 20-30 weddings some summers... this is the conclusion I've come to as well. Women who have even slight tendencies at being overwhelmed, combined with a little bit of selfishness, ALWAYS blow up. Since I normally shoot the engagement session too before the wedding, I can almost pick which ones will be a "bridezilla" now. Then sure enough they start freaking out at their now husband shortly before the ceremony and continue getting worse throughout the day. It's always the "princess" types. Every. Single. Time.I might guess that another root cause for the Bridezilla phenomenon is that women are expecting a huge, lavish wedding and expecting to be the center of attention and expecting everything to go perfectly. However, events like this rarely go perfectly.
I can't imagine how frustrating it would be for a woman in that situation. I once wrote a piece here about how everyone should work in the restaurant industry at one point in their lives and this paragraph reminded me of it. Why? Because I could have been that maintenance man if I hand't worked in a restaurant. You learn pretty quickly as a server that you don't place the bill in front of the man by default. When you approach your tables, you have to read for the, often subtle, clues that indicate who the "head" (if there is one) of the table is. Don't assume anything. Of course, you don't need to have worked in a restaurant or service industry to realize this, but it does help.This happens in every institution and in every day interactions. Several years ago, after purchasing my own home with my own money, I was having a washer and dryer delivered. My (male) partner at the time happened to be present as the delivery man wheeled the machines in and installed them. The delivery guy asked questions and talked about the appliances, all the while addressing himself to my partner. My partner tried to redirect the man's attention several times, saying "It's her house, I don't live here," and "Talk to her, it's got nothing to do with me." The delivery man just couldn't do it. He continued to talk to my partner, acting as if I didn't exist.
Did you end up developing any rules of thumb to help you figure that out? I'm sure a lot of great unpublished sociological research is going on every day among restaurant staff.
No hard rules really, just surveying the situation and directing my "menu presentation" to the group and seeing who naturally takes the reigns. Then you can address that person as the head decision maker moving forward.