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comment by thenewgreen
thenewgreen  ·  3178 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: The Results are In.

    we came to the conclusion that Hubski didn't feel welcoming from the start for her.
Here is her first post, I'm not sure how we could have been more inviting? Let me know.

You're definitely right that we could do a better job of letting people that are new know about the tools at their disposal. These tools are designed so that we can take control of our experience here so that we don't need people moderating behavior on your behalf. It will never be perfect, but we can certainly strive for it to be better. This said, the post that hurt her feelings was overwhelmingly positive. The negatives that she felt came from a minority of comments that seem to me to have been intended to give helpful advice but did so using a forwardness and perhaps an aggression that obviously offended her. But if I walk around asking people what they think of my shirt, I might brace myself for the possibility that someone may not like it. If 9/10 like it and are kind in their interpretation of it, I'd count that a victory. But that's just me.

I agree that the best way we can build a thoughtful community is to "be the change". Set examples for new users by conducting ourselves via the "golden rule". But I don't think I'd like to visit a place where everyone always told me my shirt looked good. Sometimes it's nice when people don't like your shirt and tell you why.

I'm glad you like it here, I do too. I'm glad you and others in the community try and think about ways to improve the site, including IntimidatingScones -her first post was about a suggestion that we adopted. This is a journey that we're on and the site is definitely changing and will continue to. Glad to have you aboard. I'm going to think on ways to make the new users experience better. Thanks for the food-for-thought dupurz.

IntimidatingScones  ·  3177 days ago  ·  link  ·  

To clarify, I never said I was angry about the suggestions for my writing, or even that I was angry about the sexism, but just pointed it out using myself as an example. I never raked anyone across the coals in any of my interactions in those threads. I explained my point of view with the suggestions and ignored the sexism assuming it was just one person. But a graph like that suggested to me that I might not be the only one getting that treatment, that it might not have been a fluke after all. I posted my observation and a suggestion of support and action. I'm sure, thenewgreen, you're point is somewhere on the cusp of "We aren't all sexist," and yes, I agree. It was overly dramatic. I'm sorry.

I was just trying to say let's watch out for one another, ok?

user-inactivated  ·  3178 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Whoops okay so maybe not " from the start, " but you see my point. While I agree the post was overwhelmingly positive I've found that most people, even in a sea of support, focus on the one negative. I'm guilty of this myself. I agree that being in a community that always said positive things would become drab. However, if they could say it in a better way, that would be preferable. Maybe that's asking too much, but it's what I would like.

thenewgreen  ·  3178 days ago  ·  link  ·  

That doesn't exist in real life, yet alone online communities. I would suggest you go through all of the interactions IS and yourself have had on this site and then ask yourself what Hubski could have done differently? I'm not seeing it, aside from making the tools available more obvious.

Anyways, on to other topics :) hope you two have a great night.

user-inactivated  ·  3178 days ago  ·  link  ·  

You too! Sorry for the miscommunication. Hope all is well.