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comment by lil
lil  ·  44 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: December 21, 2022

I agree essentially with kb. If you’re vulnerable, you mght say, “come back after you’ve done your exploring.” That’s respectful, loving, and self-protecting.

Or just continue deepening the fun and closeness and base the “relationship” on the shared experiences of feeling heard, understood, and enjoyed. Live the relationship in real time.

I suspect that you putting contingencies on her exploring (like the ones you mentioned above) would feel controlling to her. It would be like YOU telling HER the parameters of her self-exploration.

Totally and genuinely accept her current presenting self as her best understanding of herself now. Find fun and personal growth in the situation as it is.

Have a great dinner tonight!!