Next sketch should be a morning show, A.M. Dispatch, w/ Clarence & Sammy:
Sam: "Caller #2, Maria, what's on your mind?"
Maria: BLOODCURDLING SCREAM
Clarence: "Wahoaaaaa! Sure have been getting a lot of these calls lately, calm down, Maria! What seems to be the matter?"
Sam: "Yes, you may speak now, woman."
Maria: "It's, fucking!.. It's, too soon, my child, is.. gurgling... choking, the blood.. so much... blood...."
Sam: "Hoooo boy, what a bummer. I think -"
Clarence, jumping up excitedly: "IMPERFECT VESSEL. IMPERFECT VESSEL!!"
Sam: "Right you are, Clarence! Maria? YES, I can hear y-... please, Maria, silence!! We are ruling. Our verdict? You and your faulty vagina are unfit for this republic. Police have been dispatched to retrieve the child."
Maria: is dead, and gurgled baby screams slowly begin to cease
Clarence: "And not even a 'thank you'!"
Sam: "It's a thankless job, Clarence, but when the child learns to speak, we will surely be properly lauded."
Clarence: "Hope so. Hey, Maria is usually a hispanic, right?"
Sam: "Oh, hell yes, my negro!"
Clarence and Sam then french kiss deeply as the phrase "GROOMING IN PROGRESS" flashes across the TV screen
Super pitchable screenplay.