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am_Unition  ·  619 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Whose Choice

Next sketch should be a morning show, A.M. Dispatch, w/ Clarence & Sammy:

    Sam: "Caller #2, Maria, what's on your mind?"


    Clarence: "Wahoaaaaa! Sure have been getting a lot of these calls lately, calm down, Maria! What seems to be the matter?"

    Sam: "Yes, you may speak now, woman."

    Maria: "It's, fucking!.. It's, too soon, my child, is.. gurgling... choking, the blood.. so much... blood...."

    Sam: "Hoooo boy, what a bummer. I think -"

    Clarence, jumping up excitedly: "IMPERFECT VESSEL. IMPERFECT VESSEL!!"

    Sam: "Right you are, Clarence! Maria? YES, I can hear y-... please, Maria, silence!! We are ruling. Our verdict? You and your faulty vagina are unfit for this republic. Police have been dispatched to retrieve the child."

    Maria: is dead, and gurgled baby screams slowly begin to cease

    Clarence: "And not even a 'thank you'!"

    Sam: "It's a thankless job, Clarence, but when the child learns to speak, we will surely be properly lauded."

    Clarence: "Hope so. Hey, Maria is usually a hispanic, right?"

    Sam: "Oh, hell yes, my negro!"

    Clarence and Sam then french kiss deeply as the phrase "GROOMING IN PROGRESS" flashes across the TV screen

Super pitchable screenplay.