- It rained today. I kept my eyes on the potatoes, just as I knew that they would be keeping their eyes on me.
I walked the perimeter of the field. This will be a good crop, if I can only keep it safe for the 75 to 135 days that potatoes require. I must keep it safe.
I no joke used to spotlight hunt those things at night with a .30-06 rifle from the bed of a truck. They were designated as an invasive species, so all the rednecks had open season. You had to throw huge rocks at them after knocking it down and out to make sure it was dead, or else you could walk up and it stops playing dead and gores you.
The president's comment about "guarding potatoes" was dumb, but this kind of "humor" piece is completely tone deaf and counterproductive. This dismissive attitude by liberals just feeds into the culture war that is tearing this country apart. Every reader who gleefully forwards this to a friend, or makes a joke about "30-50 feral hogs" just perpetuates the Republican narrative that their way of life is under attack. We need public figures like Washington Post columnists "offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day" to be using their position to unify the country around the existential threats we face, not sowing discord to garner some cheap laughs.