Ya know why your coffee is "really wonderful and fruit-forward", probably because it was either a natural or honey processed coffee. Yeah, so, this really isn't that hard of a thing if you really give a shit about it and have the budget. If you don't have the budget but give a shit it'll still be good coffee, and if you don't give a shit, you don't give a shit. Is this a real thing that happens? Is this, like, specific to LA or something? Because I've never actually had this kind of experience, third wave shop or otherwise. See above. Uhhh I think the longest I've ever waited for a coffee was...10 minutes? At the original Verve in Santa Cruz, and it's because I was the guy ordering the super-special $8 cup of coffee" and you know what??? It was an amazing experience, and maybe one of the most complex coffees I've ever had. You know what - fuck this article. If this is the "millennial" experience when it comes to coffee then I am clearly missing something, because this is not even an outlier experience for me. Even at a Starbucks, local third-wave shop, you name it. Does it exist? Yeah, probably, but who the fuck cares. Drink your coffee, shut up, stop overthinking it, and enjoy it. Jesus, this article annoyed me on a level that makes me relate to kleinbl00. The one thing I disagree is the Chemex being dumb - it's a great way to make coffee. But so is everything else if you have fresh beans and the right grind.barista said that the acidity from this coffee is "really wonderful and fruit-forward, like Hawaiian Punch micro-dosed with LSD."
and how it was processed, because you don't want any of those weird or off flavors you get sometimes with natural coffees, which would ruin everything.
As long as the grind is perfectly dialed in, the water correctly heated to the precise temperature, and your drip technique as graceful and measured as the lines of the gooseneck kettle you're pouring water from, everything will turn out just fine.
Sure, the barista who you see every time scowls at you, and he always asks if you want milk and sugar in your coffee, and it’s not because he's trying to be chill and accommodating to regular people who just want some coffee the way they've been drinking it their entire lives, but because one time a friend of yours gently asked if she could have some of the shop's flavored syrup in her iced coffee, thereby obligating the barista to explain that a cup of coffee is the singular and miraculous end product of a process that involved the labor of dozens of people stretched across an extraordinarily long supply chain that reaches halfway around the world, and it shouldn't really be covered up with sugar syrup, which is only on the menu for the rubes, anyway.
but he just mumbled that it wasn’t dialed in and so he wouldn’t serve it, and you’ve been beaten down ever since.
But the lines are so long, and you're right, you don't have thirty minutes to waste looking at Instagram while you wait for that guy to dourly make your coffee.
I take umbrage with Chemex because it's effectively this but without the advantages of being dishwasher-safe and easy to clean. I'm the worst kind of coffee snob - a basic bitch that values beans. My experience, even at shitholes like Intelligentsia, is that they'll happily sell you extra shit because it means they can charge you more which means their tips are bigger. But then, everyone in LA is slinging coffee while waiting for their agent to call back so they aren't true believers. These guys are true believers. Looking back on it, I've come around to the theory that the barista there took one look at me and told herself "Oh shit this guy is going to HATE our coffee" and was fighting a defensive battle from the get-go. I waited 25 minutes for my girlfriend's latte at the time. The original coffee shop that had been there ten years had died ignominiously and Starbuck's had totally taken off (side note: dated a girl from Tacoma back in New Mexico and we went to see Sleepless in Seattle together; she pointed at the Starbuck's logo in one scene and said "you'll be seeing a lot of that soon") but Los Alamos didn't have one yet so this earnest old pharmacist wrestled a brand-new Gaggia for easily four songs trying to coax this miraculous new form of beverage from it. They were so eager it was endearing. Well, to me, anyway. The girlfriend had no idea why it took 25 minutes to make a latte.Is this a real thing that happens? Is this, like, specific to LA or something?
Uhhh I think the longest I've ever waited for a coffee was...10 minutes?
Oh man, I didn't think people would find this parody so alien. It's a hilarious summation of basically every artisan coffee place in southern CA. It's a caricature, sure, but I've witnessed some variant of every bit the author takes a potshot at. But I guess if you're saying then this will probably be unrelatable.Even at a Starbucks
You can key in on the one mention at Starbucks, or you can key in on the 95% of the response that relates to either making my own coffee or going to what should be the same kind of shops as the author of this article. But, maybe that's just SoCal for you.
Yeah, I don't know if I buy that really. I'm 99% sure that if I showed this to the "remarkable local roaster who operates quasi-legally out of a sick loft and specializes in light—but not too light!—roasts" that I know, he'd get a kick out of it. It seems all the coffee aficionados that eschew pompous coffee culture have their panties in a bunch about it, though.