Know how you take apart an expert witness in court when you have no standing to assail their expertise? point out typos in their report, try to trap them in meaningless imprecisions ("you said it was 74 degrees that day, Mr. bl00, when in fact the weather report clearly indicates it was 73!") and otherwise assail the tedious, unimportant aspects of their testimony so that the content thereof is called into question by the lay audience. Know how you belittle an essay on the Internet when you have nothing to say about its greater point? go after the grammar. Any asshole that goes "they're" in the comments is saying "your argument is invalid - you made a typo." It's a dismissive, disrespectful, disdainful approach to discourse whose sole function is to shut down dissent and deny the essayist an audience through disqualification. and it works. That's why you do it. It's not because you're a "would-be academic" it's because you've learned that you can win an argument by snarking about grammar. Or, at least you think you can, because your friends laugh and snark along with you. The guy you're debating? He just knows that you're an asshole with no interest in having a discussion. So now nobody is discussing shit. Confession: I misspell shit all the time on purpose. I mangle my phrasing, I use vernacular, I employ slang, I throw out every latter-day bonhomie I can find because you know what? The use of the word "mutherfucker" inoculates your statements against clumsy bullshit copyeditor "their/they're" canards. READ THAT CLOSELY - I deliberately mangle my language so pedants like you are forced to acknowledge my statements. By dumbing down my language and then throwing a few big words and clever alliteration in it, it's judged on a gentler scale than if I speak like I've got a Strunk&White up my ass. That's your fault. By not picking your battles until it fuckin' matters, you're making shit worse for everyone. I'm not the only one who does this. We've all adapted to it, whether we know it or not. Fuckin' grammar pedants are actively making the whole fucking world stupider because you force even the clever among us to pretend to be morons so we don't find our arguments drowned in emdash bullshit. I got like a 780 SAT verbal and like 1540 on the GREs. I've written for a living. Those reports without typos that the lawyers try to tear apart? I've written them. And people like you have me starting my arguments with fucking memes. Cut it the fuck out.
Yeah, this isn't about me. I misspell shit all the time on purpose because it's fun to fuck with shit. I agree. Oh! You're impressive! I got a perfect score on the SAT essay and again on the GRE. I took each test once. (770/800 SAT verbal, 165/170 GRE verbal, if we really have to whip out our dicks and measure them. But if we are going to do that, then to me it's worth mentioning I literally couldn't remember those GRE numbers til I went and looked them up, because I guess how you did on a test you must've taken what, millennia ago? is important enough to you that your scores are burned into your brain 5ever and ever, Wheyman. On the other hand idk, once you hit 23 or so who seriously brings up their SAT and GRE scores? I mean...besides you, I guess) (But while we're at it, I got 5s in AP Lit AND Lang, thanks!) When I have an argument to make, I make it. And yeah, when I have nothing else to say about an essay, I comment on its grammar. It's not because I disagree and it's not because I'm trying to publicly shame the argument or because I want it to be wrong, but all I can find that's wrong about it is a grammar or spelling mistake here or there and so that's what I've decided is all that essay is. I'm glad all this thread's talk of technicalities hasn't intimidated you into silence. I guess the pedantry's strong in me, but not strong enough to melt steel beams! (In case I'm being too esoteric for the roiling unwashed which makes my audience, you're the steel beams.) As far as making the whole world worse, well, I'm flattered by the purported breadth you give my influence. And when it comes to picking your battles? Well, you clearly cut that shit out a long time ago. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ You dumb yourself down to get attention, idk, I'm not having that same problem, hombre. sorry, gotta go. a dictionary's calling my name or some sentences need to be diagrammed or there's someone on the internet who i can tell i disagree with and i gotta let them know, right now!, real quick! -- or else i might experience reality, like if i were a grown ass adult 25 years out of school still talking about my minor in philosophy and my in-major gpa and that time i made deans list or something.
Ironically, my grammar in that section is awful. What I mean to say is that reducing essays to their errors isn't my intent; that I may disagree with a piece but when I do so, I don't resort to petty arguments about technical details to shore up my dissent. If I disagree with an article I'll have a reason and talk about it. If all I have to say about an article is that it has 3 incorrect semicolons, I'm not doing so to derail the discussion but because frankly the rest of the article is lackluster enough that the semicolons are the most interesting thing about it. You can be beautifully grammatically correct and precisely boring (see lawyers docs). Or you could tell a story compelling enough that no one minds its minor imperfections. Them's the breaks as I see it. .