I want to second what kb said. You're a human being, not a zen buddhist free of the need for gratitude and acknowledgement, and so there's no amount of nose-to-grindstone that'll get you healthily through life. Vacations away from this don't help because you return to an unchanged environment.

After my AmeriCorps NCCC term (a team-based program where I served as a team leader), I spent 3 months in Detroit mucking and gutting basements after a torrential storm overwhelmed the sewer system. Raw sewage and rainwater were backed up into people's basements, of which 40,000 or so were reported. One thing that's really difficult for me to talk about in regards to that experience is... how ungrateful the residents seemed to be. Of the 50 or so houses that I helped service, less than a handful communicated their gratitude the way that I would have. Smiles, hugs, profuse thanks. A cup of soup or a story during our lunch break.

This tormented me. I thought really hard about my small, though undeniable, resentment. Maybe it was unfounded because I wasn't understanding something. I considered that we weren't really helping the situation all that much. Sure we were abating dangerous black mold that sprang up--we were working in basements up to six months after the storm, and a majority of households had small children-- but there was no guarantee that the very next storm wouldn't bring this upon them all over again. Maybe they were resentful of us. Here we were, smiling against all logic while we pumped sewage to the curbside sewer drain, knee deep in filth. We were feeling good because of our work, look--we're helping. Add to these considerations the crushing weight of living in as bombed out and third-world a city as Detroit. There wasn't a day that I didn't think long and hard about the institutional factors that fucked that town.

But I realized in the end that I didn't do a goddamn thing to contribute to any of that. And I'm a human being. So it's not unfair of me to hope for acknowledgment of the hard work we were doing. Shit, it's why I do it. I try to minimize that need for acknowledgment, because in the end I believe it's all work that needs doing, but I don't believe in a heaven that I'll land in if I toil anonymously. It's a testament to how motivated I am by human needs that a kind word motivates me for weeks.

You remind me a lot of my best friend that I met during my service term in AmeriCorps. I actually just spoke to her last night so this is incredibly timely. She committed to a being team leader and so therefore to take on the responsibility of talking to people constantly. There's not a day you're not talking to your teammates, project staff, members of the community, etc. And she's one of the most reserved, quiet persons I've ever met. It was a challenge for her. But she told me that it's really important to practice the skills that don't come naturally. It's much easier for her to be outgoing when she "stretches that muscle." It gets rusty. There were a lot of stressful, awkward, and difficult moments, but she says she's better off for being forced to go through them. Also, there are a lot of benefits that go along with finishing the program (connections, experiences, that ed. award).

She said, "I think I have a mild social anxiety but I'd say it's under control. It's important that I don't let it run me."

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Pull aside one of your supervisors, and start the sentence, "This is really difficult for me to say, but..." and finish it.

What you're doing is incredible. We need more people like you. It's hard work, often goes unappreciated, and for people who do this sort of thing young, occurs in tandem with growing up and learning about oneself. Keep it up.