TOP TEN REASONS WHY KB WOULD HAPPILY STUFF DONALD TRUMP IN A MEAT GRINDER
10) I've been aware of the jackass since the '80s and have never seen anything I've liked
9) He perpetuates the notion that victimization of clients and boorish winner-take-all negotiations are business virtues
8) He's like a terrible parody of The Great Gatsby, where Gatsby is recast as the Jersey boor that is never quite hip enough to get into Studio 54 so overcompensates for the rest of his life
7) For decades he's argued he knows about business because he flirts with politics and politics because he flirts with business but has no demonstrable acumen in either theater
6) If one cop/lawyer procedural were made out of each one of his lawsuits his lawsuits would exhaust the bibliography of the genre from now through the first few seasons of Perry Mason
5) He has accomplished nothing with his wealth other than making others poor
4) He has debased public political discourse for a generation and mobilized the hatred of physically dangerous groups for no reason other than to stoke his own ego
3) He revoked life-saving medical payments from his nephew after his older brother died of alcoholism-related illness
2) He took a stultifyingly generous investment from his father, bankrupted himself twice and even with all his success, made less money than if he'd invested in savings bonds
1) He has inspired a vulnerable and precarious segment of the American public to believe they should be less, not more.
I hope he dies in prison.
Of ass cancer.