So to me, I feel like I have been able to use the experience of not being sober to prevent myself from feeling the true cost of my actions. Like I can tell anybody I love them when I'm drunk because there's no cost to it; the alcohol kills my inhibitions and so the real me, who'd be holding back, nervous about the words and their consequences, is clouded by a me who doesn't have to think about those consequences and therefore can just charge ahead. I agree that we are our actions, not our words. But alcohol makes actions easy which I think gives them less weight. Does it mean more to forgive a former friend who's fought with you when you are drunk, and happy, in the moment, and inclined not to care, or when you're sober and you look at them and you can feel the heft of their past actions? Yes, sometimes I say or do things when drunk that make me realize how I feel about something, and I didn't know before that drunk moment. So I think you can glean insight from your drunk self too. But I think some actions should be hard because in reality they are hard actions. You should feel vulnerable when you tell someone for the first time that you love them, because that is an action of vulnerability. When I'm drunk I don't feel that vulnerability. edit: cc'ing lil because this serves as a sideways follow-up which dovetails a conversation we had many months ago. about five, i think.
I think we basically agree, I think drinking shows us a part of ourselves and sometimes forces us to think about why we can't be that person sober. Or alternatively it seems good enough and we don't bother trying to figure out what's stopping sober us from being for example vulnerable. So part of the process but not the whole thing. Story time ! I had a roommate who wasn't an alcoholic in the way people normally think because instead of needing to drink all the time he just wouldn't stop drinking once he started. The whole reason he did this is because sober him couldn't be vulnerable or show emotions at all. When he would get drunk enough he would be open and cry freely. He would talk about how he felt but if I tried to have the same conversation with him sober it was like I was talking to a different person. It was actually creepy since those moments when he would be open felt like seeing the real him but in the morning it would feel like he was some creepy robot thing. I think in his case it would have been really great if he just didn't drink but at the same time I don't think he ever would have been forced to look at his real self. He could look at the drinking as a step back and a negative event in his life but at the same time I wonder if he didn't drink if he would have ever actually seen himself. I'll never know but from what I know of him I don't think he would have ever let himself see that person. So, basically ya you can get insight from drugs or alcohol but there's multiple paths you can take once sober. You can either say hey I want to be able to do that sober or you can just drink whenever you need to be vulnerable. The second option isn't really becoming real self material though.