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comment by ThatFanficGuy
ThatFanficGuy  ·  1799 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Ignorance is a mold that looks like a fire.

I feel like I pressed a button.

    I as a woman am told I should be polite instead of expressing myself

From my experience, it isn't because you're a woman - it's because you're perceived to suppose to be a nice gal, for one reason or another. I went through that, too: most people around me pressured me to be a nice guy because I hurt their feelings otherwise. I don't remember my childhood, but I guess I always liked being direct and honest, and people around me didn't dig it. I can only assume that it's mostly the same everywhere, though I can't deny that gender could play quite a bit into others' expectations of you.

Overall, I agree with you. "What could be expelled by the truth, should be".

Still, I have an issue, and I think you'll understand where I'm coming from: using "attitude" to describe a specific kind of attitude - boldness - and "salty" to describe acerbic expression of oneself.

The first one, in particular, drives me nuts: my narcissistic mother always used to push me to "behave" by asking angerly "Why are you acting this way?"; when I asked back "What way?", she always took a second or two before replying "...this way!", having absolute anxiety about expressing herself openly. To name it "attitude" is to give it a false name - a lazy name, a mental substitute for what is really meant, which goes against speaking one's mind.

As for "salty", well, I suppose we may be seeing it differently. I've grown used to seeing "salty" meaning "acting as a sore loser" (after one's ego been damaged in some way): backtalk, blaming everything but oneself for the results etc. You've already used the exact word to describe what you meant perfectly: "acerbic". "Acrid" is fine, too, and so is "acidic" (I have no idea why isn't it used more often). My point is - name things for what they are.





_refugee_  ·  1799 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I've updated a little but don't feel like I swung my leg too far when hit by the hammer. ;)

My mom can't communicate either. Maybe it's a mom thing.

Salty, acerbic - I was stretching the metaphor.

I am sure there is a difference between boldly expressing one's opinion and doing so acerbic-ly. I would like to think that sometimes I manage to stay in the first.

I agree it is preferable even when disagreeing not to be mean, not to lose some of the strength of your point by slinging mud and throwing fits. But I don't think it's necessary to outright "be nice."

ThatFanficGuy  ·  1799 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    but don't feel like I swung my leg too far when hit by the hammer. ;)

Could you elaborate on that? It's the first time I see such a sentence.

    My mom can't communicate either.

It's more than lack of communication, you see. Have you ever heard of what's it like to live with a narcissist?

    Salty, acerbic - I was stretching the metaphor.

I understand now. Does it mean that you agree with me on the current matter of names and words?

    But I don't think it's necessary to outright "be nice."

A skilled orator can use being nice - or, rather, non-confrontational - to the best of their advantage. People shield up when they hear something that sounds like an assault on their integrity; as such, appearing nice - that is, not disturbing others' worldview, but rather shifting it inch by inch through careful questions and statements - might be a weapon more powerful than an witty rant, in some situations.

Not that you have to be nice to people at all times if your point is to please them or don't let them frown from you expressing yourself. I mean to say that it's not all bad.